Epilogue
The Stars Revolt!
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfic By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. MLP:FiM is the property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust. Please support the official release.
- - - - - - -
Two years later…
Discord broke free from the confines of his stone statue, stretching and cackling.
“AHAHAHAHA! I’M FREE AT LAST! Now to bring about chaos! Wonderful, delicious chaos!” The Lord of Chaos locked onto Celestia’s magical signature, and teleported right next to her. He wanted to greet his ancient frienemy with the proper fanfare and respect!
Turned out she wasn’t too far: She was actually in the garden, lying in a lounge chair. She was sipping some frozen coffee, wearing sunglasses, and looking quite relaxed.
Discord manifested a door, and went through it, appearing in a suit and greasy wig.
“CELLYYYYY~! I’M HOME!”
Celestia… Turned her head, and pulled down her sunglasses. She actually smiled-An honest to goodness smile.
“Discord! It’s so nice to see you!”
That… Was not what Discord was expecting. Granted, as a draconequus he oftentimes didn’t know what to expect from his own magic. But this was like a geranium eating the cat when he hadn’t thought of it.
Later: Make geranium that eats cats, he thought.
“Uh… Nice to see you too…?” Discord managed, blinking. Celestia smiled, and her horn glowed. A frosted coffee appeared in his hand.
“Won’t you join me?” She asked. Discord blinked again, and scowled.
“Okay, what’s your plan?” Discord demanded. He leaned in close, his glare attempting to burn holes in Celestia. “Come on! What is it? Your nerdy apprentice and her neurotic friends lying in wait with the Elements? Your sister? A FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL BATTLESTATION?!”
Celestia chuckled softly. “Oh, I’m afraid my apprentice and her ‘neurotic’ friends are busy,” she said. She leaned back, and it was at this point Discord heard something. Something he had intended to hear in abundance, but never before he started his rampage.
Screaming.
He followed Celestia’s gaze towards a large row of rosebushes. The screaming was coming from behind it. A moment later, a tall ape with brown hair, green eyes, and glasses rounded it. He was running for his life, screaming in between deep breaths of air. He looked at Celestia, desperately.
“PRINCESS CELESTIA!” He bellowed. “HELP ME!”
“Just a few more laps, my dear little human!” Celestia called back encouragingly. “Your endurance will save you!”
“DAMNIT!” He bellowed.
The human kept running, sprinting in front of them towards the next row of rose bushes. The sound of loud, angry galloping followed him. Soon, the source was revealed: A large number of adult stallions of every tribe. The mob was led by a large, blue maned unicorn stallion, his nostrils snorting smoke in his rage.
“GET BACK HERE! TONIGHT I DINE ON MONKEY SOUP!” He roared.
“I CALL HIS EYES!” A little purple dragon, riding on the unicorn stallion’s back, added in fury.
The rest of the stallions shouted or bellowed similar sentiments as they chased the human. Right on their hooves, a group of young, pregnant mares and older, motherly mares. Led by Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna, who were just as angry.
“BIG BROTHER! IF YOU KILL THE FATHER OF MY FOAL I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!” She yelled.
“YOU’RE NOT KILLING HIM UNTIL HE MAKES ME WITH FOAL FIRST!” Princess Luna brayed.
“PAPA! DON’T PREACH! HE’S MY BABY DADDY!” Pinkie Pie bawled, bouncing along.
“I’LL BEAT HIM UP, NOT YOU!” Rainbow Dash howled, flying hard.
“LEAVE HIM ALONE, DADDY! SPIKE, YOU TOO!” Rarity cried, keeping up and already in fashionable maternity wear.
“BIG MAC HE’S GONNA MARRY ME! CUT IT OUT!” Applejack bellowed, which was impressive given she was carrying a shotgun in her teeth.
“Please don’t hurt him, Papa!” Fluttershy sort-of shouted, though it was more of a loud whisper.
The older mares, their mothers and sisters in law, and other female relatives echoed similar sentiments. An old green mare, wheelchairing herself as fast as she could, waved her cane.
“SAVE THE SOURCE O’ THE GREAT GRANDFOALS! AH’VE WAITED SO LONG!”
After this group, three little fillies in red cloaks galloped in their wake.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER WEDDING AND/OR FUNERAL PLANNERS!” They shouted.
A whole gaggle of other assorted beings followed, ranging from some angry cooks from a local restaurant, to the Griffinstone ambassador covered in cake. The entire precession vanished around another rose bush row, leaving a cloud of dust behind.
Discord blinked. He blinked a few more times, his eyes spinning around. He took them out, rubbing them against his fur chest, and popped them back in. He looked over at the still relaxed Celestia.
“... What?” He managed. Celestia beamed.
“That was Andrew Shepherd, our resident human. He managed to get romantically entangled with all six of the holders of the Elements of Harmony and my sister, and got almost all of them pregnant. And he learned of this and was happily proposing marriage to all of them. They accepted… Just as their families all walked in.” She sipped on her mocha. “Just in time to hear him say ‘I’m so awesome! I knocked them all up at once! Humans rule!’ And so…” She waved her hoof out in the direction of the screaming.
“And… The running?” Discord asked.
“Since humans have more endurance than ponies,” Celestia explained, “he can tire them all out until they can calm down. Shouldn’t take more than a few dozen additional laps.”
Celestia smiled, almost impishly. She held out another frozen coffee. “Mocha?”
Discord blinked a few more times. He snapped his fingers, and summoned up his own lounge chair. He laid back in it, and accepted Celestia’s mocha. He sipped on the straw, the plastic cup surrounding the chocolate mix vanishing. He stared at the sun princess in something akin to awe.
“You have never been hotter to me than you are right now,” he said. Celestia chuckled throatily, pulling her sunglasses back up.
“I know~.”
FIN
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Andrew Joshua Talon · 86k words · 882 39 · 14k views
- DatZigga · 34k words · 766 82 · 14k views
- Uh-hmmm · 2.1k words · 679 23 · 10k views
- L-N · 25k words · 1,132 67 · 14k views
- setablaze53 · 2k words · 891 12 · 13k views
- RushyFiction · 133k words · 1,735 82 · 34k views
- Some Dickhead · 26k words · 1,651 72 · 24k views
- RunicTreetops · 3.1k words · 903 18 · 11k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.216 seconds
Total duration
809 users online
971,559 hits today, 2,439,861 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well... that escalated quickly.
Honestly, I'd be most worried about Igneous. Anyone who managed to raise such a close-knit group of daughters would be absolutely dedicated to their wellbeing. And don't forget, he's Pinkie's and Maud's father, not to mention Limestone's. He almost certainly has his own tricks.
The problem is, ain't horses one of the few animals with more endurance than humans? There was a reason they were a major source of ground transportation for thousands of years.
It's still a funny epilogue, though.
9998038
Ponies seem to be far smaller than Shepard. Longer legs mean longer strides.
9998038
Nope, humans outdo equines for stamina reserves, we used them because they allowed us to get places without exhausting ourselves, and to carry additional stuff (either in saddlebags or in carts/wagons). They are one of the closest animals to us for endurance stamina before any resting takes place (once you can factor in short rests, we just keep on going, but horses have to stop for extended periods to recover).
We're lousy sprinters (compared to most other creatures), but there is no animal that can match us for sheer endurance stamina.
We have two major evolutionary tricks that put us ahead of the competition.
Firstly, our tendons/muscles in our legs. They act like a pogo stick, giving us incredible energy savings each time our feet hit the ground while we are running/jogging (something like 50% of the kinetic energy is redirected into our next stride, rather than being absorbed into the ground with the footfall).
Secondly, the way we sweat. While a lot of other mammals also have sweat glands, we have 2-4 million sweat glands all over our bodies, compared to the maybe several thousand that other mammals have. This allows us to sweat far more, which gives us a far more efficient cooling mechanism (through the evaporation of the sweat) than any other mammal, meaning we can keep on going for far longer before we need to stop and cool down (and we cool down far faster too when we do stop).
9998038
No, horses will run themselves to death long before humans will, the problem is speed. In general, theres nothing on earth that can run longer than humans, thanks to a unique trait- sweat. Most animals cool off thanks to panting, requiring that they stop moving to lose heat. Humans lose heat by sweating, enabling us to lose heat on the move. The reason horses are valuable is because they can move significant loads faster than humans can without running full out. If we assume that he can keep pace with the ponies-likely helped by interence from his gals- he will inevitably wear them down, because he can run full out fpr far longer, in theory.
Discord’s response at the end was perfect.
NIce TMNT Reference!
Sooo... what camp do you fall into?
Satyrs?
Centaurs?
Or somehow ponies/humans?
l have finally managed to pull myself from the floor, where i have spent the last solid hour, laughing my ass 50.000 shades of rainbow and back again.... l LOVED this ending... PLEASE tell me that you are going to write more stories like this
9998371
I am! But with the holidays coming up I'm very busy, so the rate of upload may be slower.
The thing about Mr. Shy is that his is a quiet, almost serene anger. You'd never even think to be afraid of him...
And then you wake up, and the last thing you see is a pink mustache and a wing drawing a knife across your throat.
Hilarious stuff. Try not to be too jealous, Discord.
Now this made me laugh.
Now this is a reeeaaallllly good story!^_^
I like it, a lot!^_^
I want to see more, sometime soon!^_^
Every Shepherd needs their own herd.
Wool look for a sequel, so author, be not sheepish.
As if it matters. This whole thing was already a non-canon AU of Hands anyway
(Now add the other blogs to it!)
This is a hoot, and I LURVE IT!
Pity it came to an end. :/ Still, it was a fun ride while it lasted! :)
Excellent story, Drew! Hope to see more!
(btw, you headed for StarFest in Denver this year? I'm thinking about attending as Spider Jerusalem...)
I loved this story. Sad thing is that I'd probably be in the same situation if I was him xD. Dunno if he's lucky or screwed.
Sucks to see the story go though. Any chance of a sequel?
9999543
I'll be posting more short fics in the same universe.
9998062 Humans who aren't in shape usually die of heart attacks long before they hit a mile.
(this is how Alondro defeats most of his enemies... he pisses them off so severely they can't help but chase after him in rage... then somewhere between 1/2 and 3/4 of a mile they drop dead. This is super-effective since 2/3 of the US population is overweight)
9999549
Hell yeah
Sequel?
9998062
Also the size difference, horses are usually larger than humans with longer gaits, ponies are usually depicted with legs somewhere between human waist and knee height but more dense. While Celestia is usually depicted as human height give or take a few inches. So they likely don't run as fast as horses.
*laughing hard* that was the best way you could've ended this AU side story to "hands" i'd love to see a sequel to this as well as a flashback from Shepard that led to this hilarious ending. As well as how he deals with six possibly seven (if he impregnates Luna) mares carrying his foals and how he adapts to being the father of six (possibly seven) foals and how he goes about being a good father to all of them.
Damn, son. Damn.
Quite hilarious and most excellent.
That ending was genius!
10089728
I love that
I love it I love everything about it only lasted longer
Love it. Make more.
10327448
yeah but Flutters didn't cheer
The title sounds like something from steven universe
I'm surprised that Discord didn't recognize the situation, snap his claws and make the Benny Hill theme play from the trees or something.
10344431
SO TRUE!!!!
10341361
I mean, all you need is a nuke in the capital. Pretty easily done with an aircraft, no organic thing could fly high enough to get them. Maybe one in Manehatten too. A couple scattered across major cities tbh. And boom, subjugated populace with no real way to fight back anymore, heavily depopulated, and an impressive display of power towards the other nations to not fuck with you.
Redundant
This was hilarious :)
btw
unfazed
I just want to thank you for not naming your Human protagonist 'Anon.'
That schtick got real old, real fast.
10410510
It was old at the first ever stroke of the fourth key.
Plain fucking lazy.
10417507
I do think it would be a devastating conflict on both sides
"Shepard," Garrus nods and continues his calibrating.
Sorry, not sorry. Laughed my ass off the whole way through, phenomenal!
10417507
What's cheaper though and less time consuming? One-two princesses who could literally drop the moon on us and (assuming control isn't exclusive to movement) can cook at least one side of the planet, or us making and using the weapons afterward? Besides, the show may not have shown extremely destructive magic, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist in that universe.
10421839
Or we could just not try to kill each other.
Food for thought, I know
10422294
I'm not saying we should kill each other, just who would have an easier time? We have nukes, they have the sun and moon and can move them from one side of the world to the other in seconds.
*Sees this ending*
Me: Okay, this has gone FAR ENOUGH!
WARNING: It will be a LONG Comment, and it's just my Alternate Verison of this ending. Because it's for fun, and MAINLY how I DON'T like this ending because of Shepherd's mistreatment, and the STUPID xenophobic comments with the "Monkey" part.
*Back in Equestria, with the Families of Mane Six STILL chasing Andrew Shepherd for Stupid reasons.*
* Me arriving near the Canterlot Hedge Garden. Armed with the Infinity Gauntlet on my Right Hand with ALL of the Six Stones: The Space Stone, Reality Stone, Power Stone, Time Stone, Soul Stone, and the Mind Stone. And walking menacingly like a Badass.*
Mane Six, Luna, Celestia, Spike, Parents and other Family Members of the Mane Six: Another Human!!!
Discord: Now this is getting interesting.
Pinkie Pie: I know right!
Shepherd: ( Dang, another Guy is here. And he got the FRICKIN Infinity Gauntlet from the Marvel Movies. I Hope the Ponies DON'T Pissed Him OFF! 😰) Oh thank God, you save me!
Me: You welcome, we're both Humans, and we should help each other. And even though I like the Ponies as a Brony. I DON'T LIKE the Aggressive and Hostile mistreatment on you. Especially the "Racist/Xenophobic" Comments about the STUPID Monkey thing!
The Ponies: Who are you?
Me: My REAL Name is unimportant. But, One of nicknames is: OP Omni God Emperor DOOM!
Everyone: 😐
Me: Ok, I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it is a Badass Name, and I'm really OverPowered with a lot of cool stuff in Fictional Media. Anyway, the REASON I came in here is because I DON'T like how you'll mistreated with Shepherd, and the very obvious xenophobic comment on Humanity. I mean your supposed to be into all of that "Magic and Friendship" stuff. And you'll acting like major A******! Well I'm now here to STOP this madness.
Shining Armor: Oh yeah, what's makes another Monkey like you, can do to stop us! We have Magic, and you just have those Fantasy and cheap Colorful Gems in that golden gauntlet of yours.
Spike: Yeah, and those gems of yours sure look tasty.
Shepherd: Oh, were so F*****! 🤦
Discord: I agree, I may be the Lord of Chaos, but I do know NOT to Pissed Off some "Particular" people in the Higher God Status. Especially an "OverPowered God Like type" User/Author. 😰
Pinkie Pie: Even I knew NOT to annoy an "Author type User".
Me: 💢 Oh, you'll are gonna GET IT!!! I try to be Nice, and reasonable. But, you Ponies have to act so Racist and Xenophobic. And HIGHLY UNDERESTIMATING people that are potentially more POWERFUL, and in a sense "Superior Being" to you!
Me: Well, since you DON'T know what my "Fantasy and cheap Colorful Gems" can REALLY do! Compared to your "Magic of FRIENDSHIP" and "Pony Magic". Can your "Magic" do THIS!!!!!!! 😈 😈
SNAP!!!!
The Princess Celestia's: ☀ and Princess Luna's: 🌙: BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!! 💥 💥
*Equestria is covered in COMPLETE DARKNESS for a couple of Seconds.
*It was at this moment that the Mane Six, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, The Families of the Mane Six, Spike, CMC, Shepherd, Discord, and every Pony Sub Species, Dragons, Griffins, Zebras, Diamond Dogs, Minatours, Changlings, Yak, Hippogliffs, Sea Ponies, Kirin, Cats, Birds, Future MLP Villains, and every other Creature in Equestria knew...... They F***** UP!!!
https://m.Every pony/ Everyone except Me's Reaction: 😱😱 😫😫 😭😭 😵😵
Celestia: MY SUN!!!!!!! 😫 😱
Luna: MY MOON!!!!!!! 😫 😱
Twilight: Friendship has failed??!! I KNEW Pissing Off a OP Godlike Human is a bad idea!!!!
Pinkie Pie: Welp. Thanks to our races IDIOTIC STUPIDITY!!!!
MLP is getting cancelled early. So long folks! 
Spike, and Shining Armor, and the Main Six's Dads: Oh BUCK!!!! What have we done!!! 😱 😰 😭 Due to our very dumb overprotective with our sister/daughter. We unintentionally piss off a Pro-Human
Human God himself. And we doomed our Planet!!!
While Shepherd's Sanity is finally Broken in OVER 9,000 Times INFINITY!!! (Joseph Joestar Impression): OH NO! OH S****! HOLY S****! SON OF THE B*****! OH GOD! HELP US! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!!
i.ytimg.com/vi/P-3GOo_nWoc/maxresdefault.jpg
Me: 😑
( Inside my Mind: 
😎😎 😋😋)
My "normal" face: animesoldier.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Classroom-of-the-Elite-Kiyotaka.jpg
Inside My Head: i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/505/268/125.jpg
Discord: Welp, F***** this S***, I'm out! I'm just go to my Chaos Home Dimension, since all of you are TOTALLY F***** yourselves. And since I'm NOT into your "Friendship is Magic" Yet. I don't really care to help you'll WITHOUT Pissing Off the OP Omni God Emperor DOOM more. So, goodbye.
*Discord leaving, but also playing Roundabout by Yes (to be continued meme music) * ( I DON'T own the Music! It's just for the Funny Meme. Edit: Plus, it's Among Us.)
https://m.TO BE CONTINUED! 🔜 ( JOJO Bizarre Adventure.)
10426313
Um? You read my entire Part 1, of my Parody of this stories ending. And you ONLY respond about my Autism. Really!!?? 😑
10426475
Me: Oh Please. That's NOT gonna happened like that!
Instead:
*Showing Lots of Guns, Tanks, Helicopters, Jets, Missiles, and MANY,MANY Nuclear/Fission missiles and Warheads in EVERY COUNTRY on Planet Earth. ( Google: Despite progress in reducing Cold War nuclear arsenals, the world's combined inventory of nuclear warheads remains at a very high level: roughly 13,410 warheads as of early-2020.) : Aiming at Canterlot!!!*
Celestia: 😱 😰
Me: Oh by the way, your Deus Ex Machina's Sun Power BS WON'T WORK on us! Because:
1. Unlike your Sun and Moon. Our Sun/Moon ISN'T made of Magic, and is a TRILLION TIMES BIGGER than your Sun! ( My Headcanon is that Princess Celestia's/Equestria's Sun is WWWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYYY SMALLER than OUR Own Sun. Because I DOUBT, She can move Our Sun like that, and doing it that FAST to move it. I mean LOOK what Storm King did in the Movie!!!)
2. For SAFETY Measures: We Found Grogar's Bell, the Anti Magic Artifacts from the Twilight's School of Friendship, the Alicorn Amulet for Magic Power. And EVEN STEAL the Elements of Harmony themselves, and CAPTURED the Tree itself while we at it. It's NOT that hard to find them. With Advanced Surveillance/Recon to Spy and search for the Artifacts/Tree themselves. Plus, we have the Fourth Wall on our side. (By that I mean Watching the Show itself, Reading Fimfiction, and even having the Government "Interrogate" Hard Core Bronys. 😏 )
So, basically we got our OWN Anti Magic Artifact Weapons, STOLE the Elements, the Fourth Wall Breaking Logic, and have the Tree as a Hostage. So CHECKMATE!!!! BITCH!!!! 😈 😈 😜 😜
HUMANITY WINS! END OF STORY! IMPERIUM OF MAN SOUNDTRACK!
I don't own this Badass WH40K Music:
https://m.10427414
10426475
The thing this. Why would we want to? Lol. They're harmless
10427813
I know. i do like the Ponies, and want to be Friends or even be Allies to us Humans.
But, there is ONE Problem. In Alternate Universes, there are Xenophobic/Racist Versions of the Ponies in FIMfiction/Fanfiction. And DON'T get me started on the Conversion Bureau/Your Human and You Fics, with the STUPID Misanthrope ( Human Hate) Ponies. I F#@&$# HATE those FICS!!!!!
😡
IF the Canon Ponies SAW those Fics. Both Me, Humanity, Canon Mane Six/Spike/Sunset Shimmer/Starlight Glimmer/Young Six, Canon Celestia, Canon Luna, and other Canon Ponies will want to BEAT THE S@#$ at of Xenophobic Celestia, Xenophobic Mane Six, and their Nazi/Human Slavers Equestia RIPOFF!!!!
i just want the Ponies NOT to F*** with Humanity! And have a NEGATIVE 999,000,000,000,000 chance to beat us!
That's the best F*cking cute mark crusaders shout I've ever read.