A Small Favor
A Small Favor
“Twilight, this is absolutely terrible! I can't believe this is happening to me of all ponies! I cannot even begin to describe how awful it is that I once again ask for your aid. I wouldn't bother you if this wasn't of the most absolute importance. Surely…you understand?” questioned Rarity to a mannequin. She had been practicing this same speech in her mind for over an hour, fussing at how she could possibly ask such a favor of Twilight.
“I'm sure she won't mind. It's not like she's ever minded before…” Rarity whispered. She sighed a bit. Her ears shot straight up when she heard the familiar ding of her door. Forcing herself to smile, a drop of sweat ran down her cheeks, she went to see who it was.
Suddenly, she found herself breathless, as standing there in the doorway was none other than the very mare she so desperately needed to speak. Twilight Sparkle.
“Hey Rarity, how are you? I could really use your help with a dress." It was a soft violet dress with simple fabric, light sequins patterned all over the bottom half of the dress. It matched Twilight, but Rarity cringed at it’s condition.. I've had it for quite some time, and it really could use your handiwork.”
“Oh course, darling. I would be more than happy to help you with your dress.”. Rarity's eyes darted from left to right as she nervously fidgeted on her hooves. Rarity took steady breaths.
“Is everything alright Rarity? I don't mean to intrude, but you seem stressed.”began Twilight, a genuine look of concern crossing her face. Twilight noted how tense Rarity was. Twilight’s ears twitched, smiling gently, wanting to reassure her there was no need to fear telling her anything.
“Me? Stressed! Never, darling. There is absolutely nothing wrong. I'll get to work on this dress right away. Now, go on and return to your research. I'm sure you have a bunch of things to do. Can't stand around talking to me all day long.”
“But...” began Twilight Sparkle, though she felt Rarity urging her out the door. With a soft sigh, Twilight left the boutique.
“Smooth....real smooth.” Rarity groaned mentally. Rarity gently leviated the dress Twilight had given her, wanting to treat it with as much respect as the pony who wore it. The thing looked old....filthy even. Granted, she was sure Twilight had done her best, but there was no way she was going to let her wear something so....plain.
Rarity began her sewing. Making alterations, bit by bit. A snip here, a bit of measuring here, and before she knew it, she had already forgotten about the letter on her stand, inviting her to Canterlot for a fashion show. The only problem was, she needed to bring a date, and she bit her bottom lip at what she was considering.
“Oh! Why didn't you just ask her? It's not that hard now is it. Just one sentence, ‘Twilight will you go with me to the Canterlot fashion show as my date?’” her face flushed deep red. She bit her lip, as she tried to keep her mind distracted with sewing. However, she found that the more she worked, the more she thought of Twilight.
“Twilight is the most beautiful mare, “besides me” in all of Equestria. She has to be the one. No one else will suffice!” Rarity pouted, stomping her hoof on the ground. “Ouch.” she pinched her hoof under her needle. She immediately went to wash it with nice hot water, and then put a small bandage over it. She never made such careless mistakes like this before. Perhaps it was nervousness.
She would wake up in the morning and figure this whole mess out. However, it still lingered in her mind. If she somehow managed to ask Twilight the question of the century, what would she do if she said no.
The thought bothered her. Of course she'd say yes! How could she not? Rarity fidgeted, biting her bottom lip,.. Rarity would awaken tomorrow with a fresh mind. Then she would finish Twilight's dress, and then she would personally deliver it straight to the Friendship Castle, and that would be the perfect time for her to ask her question. All she had to do now was rest. She tossed and turned throughout the night, her mind already going through all the ways this might go wrong, or what if she said something that would offend Twilight. There was no way she wanted to ruin their friendship over something as simple as a fashion show, even if this fashion show might mean the beginning of VERY BIG THINGS for her.
Rarity groaned and covered her face under the pillows, muttering. She rolled her eyes, and managed to toss off her her blanket. Sitting straight up in her bed, she suddenly recalled what today was. Today was the day she was going to ask Twilight to go on a date with her. Taking a deep breath, Rarity got up on all four hooves and trotted into her bathroom to freshen up -- a lady had to look her best after all. Twilight deserved the best.
Rarity levitated the brush through her mane at least half a dozen times. She fussed over her makeup, applying just the right amount. After all, she didn't want to overdress. After she was finished in the bathroom, she knew she'd need a nice gown. Nothing too elaborate, but nice. She searched through her clearance rack. She cringed.“Twilight deserves the best.” She turned to an outfit she had made for herself. A beautiful lace gown with a high rise in the back. She didn't mind it though. Rarity shifted into the dress, and admired herself in the mirror. Perfection. Simply divine.
Rarity fidgeted, as doubt clouded her mind. What if Twilight said no? Of all the worst things that could happen, that would be the absolute worst thing ever! Rarity quickly shook her head and scrambled out of the Boutique, heading straight towards the Castle. There was no time like the present! Knowing Twilight, she'd have her hooves full of ponies clamoring for her attention, the joys of being a Princess sure must keep her busy. Rarity pouted as she approached the castle. Her eyes darted back and forth as she admired the steps. She couldn't deny it. She envied Twilight.
Rarity trotted up to the door, knocked at the wood three times, and stepped back, letting out a sigh of relief. She made one last check with her hand mirror to be sure everything was as it should be.
“Twilight! It's so good to see you,” said Rarity.
“Twilight's inside. Come on in,” said Spike, sighing. Rarity blinked and simply shrugged her shoulders. .She trotted inside, heading through the long empty hallways of the Castle, towards the Cutie Map. Sitting there with her nose in a book was the most wondrous mare that Rarity had the fortune to call friend.
“Rarity, I wasn’t expecting you! Oh my, your dress looks gorgeous,” Twilight stated smiling softly. She tilted her head slightly to the side, eyes closely fully for a moment before opening again, focusing her gaze on her friend. “How can I help you?”
Rarity's lips stuttered, mumbling to speak. . She felt herself lifting a forehoof, and finding herself suddenly feeling rather parched. She coughed slightly into her hoof. She looked back at Twilight, raising a brow nervously twitching, as she rubbed a forehoof against the carpet of the castle floor.
“Why thank you, darling. I made it myself. However…I did want to speak with you, and perhaps ask a favor of you.”
“Of course. I'm always glad to help. Is it a friendship problem? Should I call the others?” Twilight asked., already getting up and approaching Rarity.
“Ah. Well, it does have something to do with a friendship problem. No need to call the others. I only need you here.”
“Oh…okay.” replied Twilight ears perked to attention, listening.
“Twilight, tell me honestly” Rarity fidgeted on her hooves, biting her bottom lip. Do you like me?”
“What? What kind of question is that? Of course I like you, Rarity. You're my friend.” Twilight blinked.
Rarity sighed softly, and just blurted it out, suddenly.
“I didn’t want to make our friendship awkward if the answer was no, so I was shamelessly afraid to even ask if you did.” began Rarity, pausing. “But, there is another reason I asked. I got a letter from Canterlot, they’ve invited me to a fashion show that could make or break my career in fashion.”
Twilight listened eagerly, tilting her head curiously, as to how she fit into all of this, and what this has to do with her?
“However, I require a date. I considered it for quite some time. I assure you, you wouldn’t wish to know the mane tearing things I went through, trying to get the courage to just ask. It seemed so simple at the time. So….that’s my problem you see.
It couldn't have been any clearer, and by the blush on Twilight's face.
“I see…Of course I'll be your date. Were you really that nervous about asking me? You know I'd do anything to help you Rarity, anything.” Twilight stated simply, nuzzling her forehead to Rarity’s, lidding her eyes, and sighing softly.
Rarity coughed into her hoof. “Twilight, best be careful saying ‘Anything.’ Some mares would take advantage of that.”
“Not you though.” Twilight smiled, embracing Rarity.
“Oh never. I would never do such a thing.” replied Rarity,. “You will be wearing this dress won’t you? Or should I make you something for tonight?”
“Don't worry, I still have the dress from the last fashion show we went to.” Twilight nodded her head.
Rarity whinnied, rolling her eyes at how innocent Twilight was. “But darling that's awfully outdated. You should go in something that is in the now.” Rarity suggested simply.
“As long as I'm comfortable and with you, that's all that matters.”
Rarity felt her knees buckling under her.. She wanted to pinch herself. It seemed like this was all just a dream, and if it was, she never wanted to wake up. Twilight and her, together. Truly, could anything be more perfect?
END.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Nailah · 1k words · 24 1 · 1k views
- Nailah · 4.8k words · 22 1 · 654 views
- Rose Quill · 1.2k words · 101 10 · 2.4k views
- Nailah · 3.7k words · 44 3 · 1.1k views
- Razor Blade the Unicron · 1.5k words · 100 7 · 2.4k views
- Nailah · 1.4k words · 20 1 · 292 views
- Nailah · 1000 words · 24 1 · 544 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.25 seconds
Total duration
1,113 users online
2,415,441 hits today, 2,829,583 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Being on FiMFiction has helped me a lot with my getting used to Rarity and this is a prime example of her being written well, particularly her obsessive, somewhat manic state. Well done.
That was a cute, simple story. You did a good job writing Rarity's concerns. I will note that you accidentally repeated some words and there's some odd punctuation, however.
There are some pretty frequent errors with punctuation, syntax, and verb usage. Things like missing quotation marks, quotations marks being used inside of quotations (as parentheses, bizarrely), double-periods, comma splices, possessive apostrophes... also, ellipses have three periods, not four.
Stuff like this runs throughout the story:
And they're minor errors, forgivable in smaller doses, but they add up very quickly.
In terms of the story itself... to put it gently, this feels like the beginning of a story, rather than a story on its own. Shipfics like this one should explore the characters, or reveal something about them that isn't immediately obvious from watching the show, and having a general knowledge of them. Going into this story, for instance, we know that Rarity is manic and stresses easily, but what we do not know is why she would be attracted to Twilight Sparkle, or why she would have carried a torch for Twilight for so long, or why Twilight would be interested in her back.
You've chosen to tell the story of Rarity stressing out over asking Twilight to be her date, and that's fine. But that's all there is to the story. She stresses over asking out Twilight, then she asks her out, Twilight says yes, and that's that.
You might consider using this as the jumping-off point for a longer story that gives more depth to this burgeoning romance. But as is, I don't see a lot of substance here, I'm sorry. Keep developing it, though.
I enjoyed this. Nice work bud!
Dude... you should probably credit the artist of the cover art you're using. And probably ask him if it's ok to use his art.
https://derpibooru.org/2148261?q=raritwi
Great story, there are a few grammatical errors and words that should be other words like in the quoted paragraph, closely should be closed.
But other that that, great story
9860111
The Derpibooru version is a repost; the art’s original appearance is on Tumblr.
This was cute
Somehow this story slipped through the cracks of my watch feed, I enjoyed it but I did notice one small thing.
Is the second "So desperately needed to speak" meant to be there?
9863116
Whoops, I'll fix that. Thank you. and I'm glad you enjoyed it as I wasn't originally planning this. Was just a "spur of the moment" thing.
9863200
Sometimes spur of the moment ideas are some of the best.
9863239
I don't know I still think Glimmer of Hope is far better executed. Which yes I'm aware I'm behind on updates. Life is hard but I'm working on it, I promise. However I must write Chapter 4 of Bonds first. Might be useful if I had some prereaders, helps me write faster....
9863253
Definitely go at your own pace with that, getting real life sorted out is definitely a priority. If you need a pre reader I can take a look, my work schedule's shifting a bit so I have some more free time during the day now.
9860075
9863200
In addition to what Posh has written, I believe that I will also add my opinion/ suggestions.
As a story, it doesn't have content or details which would cause the reader to come back for more.
One major opportunity that was missed is that the fashion industry circulates around reputation and why topics such as embracing a particular sexual orientation is so scandalous to/ for those of whom are involved in the fashion industry.
You have traditionalists who think that anything outside of the traditional relationships of one male and one female is offensive and ought not exist.
Then you have the LGBT community who are very vocal in their propaganda of accepting their lifestyles as acceptable and normal and that it is the traditionalists who are offensive and ought not exist.
However, Rarity doesn't think anything about how her (Rarity) having a same sexed relationship/ date is going to affect her relationship with those in the fashion industry, or her clients, or Twilight's reputation. What if their parents are traditionalists who disown either or even both of them? How might her actions affect Twilight politically? Or socially for that matter?
What if either or both of them encounter traditionalists who feel so strongly about glbts being wrong that they are willing to assault those who are not traditionalists even up to and including murdering their targets?
Then there are financial and economical consequences such as a business or service provider refusing to sell whatever good or service to a those who don't have a sexual orientation they approve of.
Plus this hasn't even gotten into legal issues such as combining estates or liquidateable assets or tax filing considerations.
Plus there's the matter of Rarity asking Twilight to be her date without having any information on the sexual orientation of her prospective date. Or any personal historical background for Rarity's attraction for Twilight and vice versa.
So while this may be an alright fluff reading material, as a story, I am unsatisfied with the lack of these important story elements not being addressed within the story.
9872310
Doesn't ANYONE read descriptions?
STRESS WRITING.
Means yes it's not as good as it could have been, however I needed this for my mental health and decided to post it despite it's issues. I didn't mean to offend anyone or seem like I was ignoring these issues. I am sorry if you didn't enjoy it.
9872342 ...Okay? You didn't offend me by posting a story that I found flaws in. If I'm criticizing, it's from a place of good intentions. Calling it stress-writing that nobody should take that seriously doesn't really hold up when you thought highly enough of it to polish it up and post it.
And if you're going to do that, put in that time and effort to make it presentable, then it's a good idea to listen when people critique it, and offer feedback. If you can't handle that on a story, then don't post it. Keep it private.
That being said, 9872310's is dumb and nitpicky. I don't think failing to consider the geopolitical ramifications of same-sex marriage in a fluffy one-shot about Rarity liking Twilight is a flaw in your story, and you should dismiss literally everything that person said as irrelevant tripe.
Please do not drag my good name through the mud by associating me with your nonsense.
9873650
Posh, i wasn't complaining about your feedback, it's very acceptable and true. This could be the start of something. However, I can't honestly say it ever will be as I've already too many other projects under my belt and overwhelming myself further won't help that. I decided to publish it yes, but perhaps keeping it private like I had originally considered was the proper choice. However, I will keep it here now as there's no point to deleting it, when some seem to enjoy it despite all the flaws. I am working on a more serious RariTwi piece as well, however I do not know when it will be up. Thank you for your constructive feedback. I will do my best to take your advice to heart.
9873919 Sorry for assuming.