I will most definitely give this a read. It has potential.

Twilight Sparkle would, in fact, be the greatest antagonist ever known to Equestrian history. She produced a love charm that affected half of Ponyville, for crying out loud, and it didn't even take too much effort.

I real like it. Im excited to read the next chapters as they come oly to get my happinrss for twi crushed. U msy eant to proof read it tho

Yes....Shes finally come to her senses...

>>10901231090123 I'm totally agree with you... The story has great potencial.... I'm kidding! MOAAAARR!!  

I remember reading this some time ago somewhere else, to be honest can't remember where, but my god, is it good!

Whatever happens next chapter, I will be there.

well i will say it: THIS IS AWESOME!!!!! dark, has the pontental to make me cringe in fear, keep this going

You're title title is a real attention grabber will defiantly give this a read

You have arrived! I was waiting on this to show up here! Can't wait for you to post the rest of the story! Oh, and nice art. Fits the story nicely.

Oh, and insta-favorite/watch!

>>10902701090270 I remember reading this on fanfiction.net, if that helps.

YOU GET MY MEANIE REVIEW BUT SHORTENED DUE TO THE LARGE AMOUNT IVE GIVEN RECENTLY

you have a major problem all new authors have or old ones who were not told otherwise

you need to follow the rule show don't tell. you need to describe more often and im tempted to copy and paste a review i just did on someone else's story but that doesn't fit completely

note meanie reviews do not get any of the good things said about them so i can review faster so dont think your story is not good

Feel that? It was my Favorite! keep up the good work!

That's the one Musharna!

Read it on Fanfiction.net. Nice to see it here on Fimfiction.

>>10901231090123

If you ever read "The Immortal Game" it shows just how right you are.  Twilight Sparkle is an absolutely terrifying antagonist.

It's strange, not 5 days ago I read this on FanFiction and now it's here. Well, if I hadn't read it already I would say that the story has potential and that I'd be tracking it, having read the whole thing I can say it's a good story and I'm glad to see it, and you, here on FimFiction. Welcome.

Awesome introduction, can't wait for more!

I just want to make this comment to let you know how pissed, butthurt, and furious I am that you've already began writing a story that I've been mulling over in my head for almost a year now.

FUCK.

D'oh, I've already read a ton of it on Fanfiction, the next 14-some chapters are gonna be spoiled for me... awww...

You're still awesome.

Why is spike not a main character in this ?

Already read this on FanFiction. Glad you came over and joined the party!

The prophecy is a bit direct don't you think? could just as well have said "here is a picture of the Evil. fear it"

Never the less, great story, looking forward to the rest.

This story is gonna be so AWESOME!

can't wait for the next chapter! keep up the great work!

>>10901121090112 oh, hello slendy. i didnt see you there, hows it hanging... (avatar)

can wait for moar!!! this has too much potential to just ignore!!!!!!!!

I just finished reading this on fan fiction for the second time yesterday so I'm so excited too see it here as well.

hmm i think i've already seen this on fanfiction but gona have to check.....but anyway this certainly a eyecatcher....>.>....but the blunt statement pinkie almost said kinda bugs me , idk why, probably the thought of what that meant for the other 5 but whatever not important lol...

That was good. I caught one small puntuation error, but other than that, can't wait for Chapter 2.

The last sentence I believe to be false. Where it states "Twilight does not believe in coincidences." She used "Its just a coincidence" when she learned about pinkie's Pinkie sense.

If I was Twilight in that point i would probably send Celestia a letter just in case, because i have a feeling that Twilight won't be the same when she wakes up... I have a very bad feeling about this (I love it though)

Nicely done. Everything felt natural and flowed quite nicely. You've incorporated the fun of the show, while still showing how things can, and usually do, go south. Very nice introduction.

When she got into the kitchen she saw a plate of food, nicely prepared with scrambled eggs, turkey bacon (Twilight didn't eat pork) toast, and orange juice

Turkey Bacon

Uuuuh, what?

>>10914531091453

Yes.. CHECK IT NAO!

Also yep this is a pretty awesome fic, read it in fanfic, if you can't wait for the next chapters go search for it there same author name.. also read the two sequels on it... <3 it and awesome to know you have joined fimfic Sapphire. Welcome

>>10914211091421 This is an earlier file, that was supposed to be changed.  I plan on adjusting that soon.

Let the epic tale begin!

......Why does Twilight eat turkey?

When she got into the kitchen she saw a plate of food, nicely prepared with scrambled eggs, turkey bacon (Twilight didn't eat pork) toast, and orange juice

.

.

.

.

BACON?!!!! ponies don't eat meat, silly

write Celestia a letter in the morning, I have a feeling that in the middle of the day or somewhere when she either dozes off or wakes up she is going to be a lot more evil than before.

Wow. I would have never thought of this. You sir have some potential in story writing. Keep up the great work!

Anticipation's building...

Can't wait for the next one!

Going great for this story! Flow was there, natural MLP feel was there, everything! Instant-fave!

SNOT ME!! That's what Twilight said in the end there, true story...

Drinking age of 21? Real ponies start drinking at 18.

Holy sweet Celestia !

great opening chapter i don't have time right now to read the newly released second chapter right now, but ill get to that later.

a few things of note:

formatting issues:

in the early parts of the first chapter, there are some formatting issues.

Sure enough, the library hadn't looked so clean.

abrupt end to that sentence, you would usually follow up with something; "hadn't looked so clean yesterday" or something like that

causing her magic to go out of control (she later on in life learned that this was Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom.)

when you think about it; brackets "()" are usually not necessary, they can actually disrupt the flow at times.

as a side note: if you have multiple chapters already done, maybe even the whole story, then don't release to many a day please, it's harder to keep reading when you keep piling up new chapters, and if the story isn't finished yet; you get to keep a buffer.

Oh, this made it to fimfiction did it? Neat.

Ooooh I will for sure be reading this. Such an interesting concept, has very much potential to become a great, great story.

>>10915471091547 Hear hear! Legal drinking age in Alberta is 18!

Who is this "God" of whom Twilight speaks of?

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

Too many "Gods" (the usage of it as a curse word doesn't exist in Equestria as they have a living goddess,)  and some issues with formatting, but otherwise a great start.

This looks very interesting, but that Romance tag scares me!

yep don't remember this story but from what i have read so far..........i all im saying for those who are just tuning into this are in for quite a great and powerful trip....<,<

Okay I read it now.....

TRANSFER FASTER!!!!

Good story read it on fanfiction. You should think about making a youtube trailer for this story.

it haz potentiol so ima stop reading "of-steam-gears-and-wings" and "what princesses need"

>>10918821091882 If I could, I would.  I may one day.

I read this on fanfiction and loved it! Even though I was crying like a baby at more than one point...

i've seen comments saying that peopole have been reading a chapter, and then the story updates when tey finish reading it. I never thought this would happen to me, but it just did.

Twilight... SEND A NOTE TO DA PRINCESS!

send Celestia a letter NOW! tell her about what's happening and make sure to tell Spike to not let you anywhere NEAR those dark magic books.

Dude.

The Description....

21st BIRTHDAY

IT'S THE DARKNESS!

Will defenitively read.

i have a feeling that if that is Trixie coming to ponyville then dear Celestia Twilight is going to unload her total evil side on that poor pony

Read this on fanfiction, I'm glad to see it up here.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Sweetie_Belle_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Spike_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png

Moar!

>>10917011091701 How do you know where I live? Are you a stalker?

You know, I've always wanted a stalker. Now maybe my dream has come true!

listening to The Offspring while reading this. fits in some places

ABANDON THREAD! REPEAT, ALL HOOVES ABANDO-

*Is silenced*

Seriously Twilight???? PRINCESS CELESTIA PUT THE SPELL ON SPIKE TO SEND LETTERS TO HER FOR A REASON! You're supposed to be the smartest of the mane 6, the hell are you thinking???

Some spelling errors, but a Bloody Awesome idea. Just tracked this. It's *Awesome*

Interesting concept... I'll read it when I get the chance.

im sincerely interested in where this is all going now...

>>10914881091488

I swear i read this somewhere else. Have you posted it anywhere else?

Edit: I was right! I found it on FanFic.

Oh no, no no no no no no no no, THIS IS NOT THE TIME, TRIXIE!!!

Already read it on fanfiction...But hey!Two's the charm!

LOVE this story

bloody hell this is interesting

>>10901231090123

A friggin' men

>>10922371092237

That there is something wrong with her that makes her a threat above par to Discord. Knowing this and the fact that she intentionally hurt a friend I'm sure rational thinking is out the window and fear and self hate are front and foremost

>>10901231090123 That's why Over-Powered is her middle name.

>>10924751092475 ahhh, its even better the second time

>>10905101090510 I think you need to work on your grammar

Just send the damn letter Twilight, have you learned nothing?!

fuir, effugio, entlaufen!>>10920251092025

Heee Heee Heee! Dis gunna be good. Hideously-over-powered-Twilight is the best Twilight

>>10919191091919

You. You. You.

Twilight does WHAT!!!!!!!!

I must read!

This good featured..

How am I not suprised?

All I have to say is that the description really did it for me.

And I'm saying that because I don't have time to read the chapters right now, but it seems like one of the many overall inspirations for this would be (already mentioned by someone else) The Darkness, which are incredibly awesome games.

>>109012109012 correction.Twilight said that it was a love potion. It was the crusaders that made the potion

Having not read this story anywhere else, I'm predicting this is going to be Trixie's GREAT and POWERFUL last day alive.

Her eyes stopped on Prophesies of the Old World.

That's prophecies.

Cool story bro, I look forward to later chapters.

*squeals and starts skipping around* It's here, it's here, it's finally on Fimfiction, just like I hoped it would. The bestest fanfiction I've read in a long time has finallly reached Fimfiction, and I will instantly favorite it.

Okay, enough Pinkie Pie hyperness from me. Oh my Celestia, I'm so excited that you've brought this story here. Even though I've read it several times on Fanfiction.net, that doesn't mean I won't look forward to it once more. Heck, now I can read it from the almost beginning again, since the last time, I was so late into reading with the updates, I barely got a chance to read it all at some points. Nonetheless, once again, Sapphire, I will watch your story progress even if I've read it multiple times, because I like it that much. And let me tell you, that's pretty rare.

*epic face* Let's get reading.

EDIT: I guess the only thing I have to say here is that while you have the whole story written up, that doesn't mean you should throw in all these chapters. Wait a day, or at least update every other day. That way the readers can digest a certain chapter and review it, and be in suspence as to what is about to happen next. Throwing in all these chapters pretty much at once will only make it lose that suspence and kind of kill the mood. Not sure how to explain it entirely, but I hope you get the idea. Trust me, my only problem with a recent story I've done on Fanfiction.net is that I updated too fast, and I probably could have gotten more reviews and support and everything hadn't I updated so fast since I finished it; I'd hate to see that happen to other writers.

"she was one of the few people -"

"people"

HUMANS EXIST

this is going in my read later, but seriously... applebloom?... I'm sorry but that's just kinda ridiculous

Satsui No Hado much?

Is it me, or does this Demon inside Twilight situation reminds anyone of Raven from the Teen Titan cartoon.

Also "That's because you won't talk to anyone." Spike said. Thank you Spike for using COMMON SENSE!

Interesting story. 5 stars

While the setting is properly grim and moody, the best thing here, I think, is the dialogue, which has just the right amount of menace dialed in.

>>10938881093888

I appreciate your advice on timing the chapter releases.  I spread my six chapters out over five days, and garnered more reads than I possibly could have deserved.

Hold on, hold on...WAIT!!!!!! Your doing a story on the dark half of Twilight Sparkle right? Oblivion....the emotionless, dry-humored and very cold and serious dark half of Twilight created by Discord himself? BUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! i LOVE THE DARK ELEMENTS (Disharmony) and Oblivion is alright, not my favorite but is certainly one mare you NEVER want to  meet in a dark ally.....this is going to be goooooooodddddddddddd!!!!!!

I also think she may be third in command...but I could be wrong.