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"My sis, Applejack, says that their used to be two princess that raised the sun, and the moon. Ah can't remember it anymore, but my sis did tell me something about the Elements of Harmony. That name...has been a rumor for five years. It says it granted the power of friendship...Ah didn't believe 'em. - Applebloom.
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Doing the same thing over and over again.
This is an interesting idea you have here. Can't wait to see where you go with this.
3040992 This is a interesting story.
Hiatus, already? Why exactly?
In any case have this:
3041228 School...is a time waster...and a time taker. Don't have time to make chapters....unless sick.
3041341 I see.
3041448 Yeah...wish I had free time.
Interesting story, if not a bit confusing. Can't wait to see how this turns out!
i liked the chapter but what disease killed the adults but left the foals alone and does it still claim victims?
3112202 You will read those later, and the mysteries will be unsolved until the chapter is made, my friend.
3112212 excellent suspense and i have the same dilemma as you i too have school which will hamper my progress.in Equestrian Doom
3112223 School...someplace to mess with your mind until it fries...
3112227 well its where i also get ideas for my story and acquire more refined writing skills to improve them.
3112240 Same...but math...just ruins it.
3112259 everything has a downside and that's a small one
Beans huh? Well you do know what beans do to you right?
3303019 Beans beans are good for your heart! The more you eat, the more you fart!
3303029 Well I guess in situations like these you take whatever you get your hooves on, cause it's either that or go hungry.
3303048 Not unless someone crazy is after you.
3303097 Yeah and of course Sweetie Belle just had to be the one ambushed by such a creature. Guess she'll learn the hard way why the buddy system is important.
I'm really liking this so far, but you keep changing from past to present. If she was telling this story to her.... I don't know..... her grandchildren, you would have put said, was, asked, cheered, etc.
Present, however, is when its happening Right Now. Says, hears, questions, etc.
I bet it's Applejack. Or someone in the Apple Family. Like Granny Smith.
3381162 Um, dude. Chapter 1 is just a back story. The others are in the present. Clear to you now?
3381359 "Ah mean, 'Ah don't believe in it, Scoots! Ah honestly don't care for it." Applebloom told Scoots.
"Uh, yeah. When does the food come into place?" Scoot asked.
"Expired...expired...oh! Beans!" She says with a smile.
"Be lucky your alive." Applebloom says.
I know Chapter 1 is a back story. But this ^, is not in Chap. 1. Well expect for example 1 & 2. And example 3 & 4 are supposed to be here. But they're mixed up with each other.
3381683 ...? Guess I didn't realize that something so simple would be so important. I'll fix if when I can
I'll start from the very beginning, a description:
Should be: "My sis, Applejack, says that there used to be two princesses that raised the Sun and the Moon." Generally using "princess" as a plural and theirs/there's issue are the biggest problems.
Cheerilee.
That's probably the weirdest adjective that could be used here, but I think it works well with Apple Bloom's mental state.
Chapter 2:
regained. The beginning of sentence is in the past tense, so the rest should be too. Same with "She groan in annoyance" - it should be "groaned".
The second "she" isn't necessary.
Unless it's some special kind of dust, it doesn't have to be capitalised.
Captain. Also, it varies from author to author, but I think official spelling is Apple Bloom.
"We're" and "searching through it", if I got the sense of this sentence correctly.
"saw" and "the two fillies". And since you used "fillies" in that sentence, it's better to start the next one with "One of them".
"Covered with scratches" unless they were inside of her.
"not too long ago" or simply "not long ago".
I'm not sure what this was supposed to mean, but I guess "staring down at them with anger"
"there was a war out there"
Another thing I just saw is the punctuation when it comes to dialogue tags. Now it looks mostly like this:
While it should be:
"dying". On a side note, why it's always Twist?
"lay"
"them", though I'm not sure about this one.
"lying"
ya're
I'd write "She said, leaving the hut. Spike followed her."
"She went upstairs into the office and saw the two fillies she'd met earlier."
Recently I've been writing some dialogue for Twist, and I think she pronounces "Scootaloo" as "Thcootaloo", with a "c". Similarly, it'd be "Thpike" instead of "Thike".
I'm not sure how one can sigh in hatred...
"said"
I'll check the last chapter later.
3596985 Geez...strict proofreader. All I asked was a comment, not pointing out mistakes.
Well I'll be damned
.....it has returned. 
Lemonade has joined this group of rag tag survivors.