When the Cutie Mark Crusaders are sent to space by complete accident, they are on a quest to save Princess Celestia and the galaxy from King Sombra. But will they be able to save Princess Celestia in time...or will they endlessly die from the constant enemies?
Picture made by my bud: ArtCreatesIdeas
Page generated in 0.082 seconds
Total duration
1,012 users online
1,630,426 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
THIS IS AMAZING! I love the litte music parts you added in there!
3140403 It was REALLY hard trying to find the right kind of music. It was hidden way at the bottom of Youtube.
I remember playing Mario when I was a kid. The good times... this brings back many memories.
Wow, i love this, combining one of the greatest cartoons ever with one of the greatest video games ever, i love this fic, i will wait to the next episode
(Also, i love when you added the music and the pictures)
3147685 Thanks! Hope you can get a taste of my other stories!
That is my guess. This is going to be gooood!!!
3174620 You hit the jackpot. Awesome.
A few words of advice from a somewhat avid proofreader:
Separate your dialogue from paragraphs. It makes it easier to see for readers.
I did see the dialogue, but it would be better if the last section was like the first section.
I would also recommend integrating the videos as URLs inserted into paragraphs.
Example:
Oh, and that's "Unfortunately", not "Unfortunatley".
I'm liking this. It has much potential, I believe.
I also enjoy the highlighting of the words as it is in the games. I'm not sure if it is acceptable in terms of writing, but I do enjoy the detail.
And some more advice:
I recommend not using so many ellipses ("..." can be substituted with a comma or flat-out eliminated).
When the Crusaders were counting down, say "One, two, three!" rather than "1, 2, 3!" They are spoken in the same manner and it is better to write it out than to simply use a number.
When you use a picture, I recommend using the URL idea as with YT videos that I suggested. Explain in a paragraph what the character looks like (even doing a little bit of explanation would be acceptable enough) and link to the picture anyway. The explanation is the more important part; the picture just helps visualize if the reader cannot translate the words into a mental image.
I sincerely hope that I'm not giving off the wrong impression with these little advice bits of mine. I'm enjoying the idea so far and would enjoy seeing it. I'm just hoping that, with a bit better punctuation and better integration of internet resources, this can be a really good fanfic from which you can learn.