The Streets of Ponyville

Dyrilby

Dyrilby #1 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Reply

I don't really understand what's going on here, but okay. Not bad.

CosmicAfro

CosmicAfro #2 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Reply

I suppose I'd say it's intruiging, but there is too many questions that have popped up to make this enjoyable for me. I know there is some reason to all this, and I'm sure you'll get to it later, but jumping into so many questions (and in SUCH a short chapter) isn't my taste. Also, a suggestion. Don't use apostrophes ( ' ) for thought. They have a specific use in writing. I would reccomend italiacs.

So why comment? Well, don't leave your readers in the dark too much. Other than the apostrophe suggestion, this was very well written.

Dsarker

Dsarker #3 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Reply

68903>>68834

This is the entire story. A monster came to town and killed everypony. Scootaloo's mind breaks as she struggles to deal with it. She runs from the hiding spot and gets killed.

Zooty

Zooty #4 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Reply

Despite being so short it is quite well written

Autumn Wind

Autumn Wind #5 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Reply

There's potential for something here, but right now, you've left it too vague, too short. Brevity is the soul of wit, I'll conceive, but this is excessive. This isn't a story, this is an emotion stranded alone, far too short and isolated to be truly meaningful.

SirMrDrPwn

SirMrDrPwn #6 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Reply

Da Buq?

CosmicAfro

CosmicAfro #7 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Reply

Oh this is the entire story? That's a little...depressing to say the least. You could easily go into a huge story, but I guess if you don't want to that's fine.

However, I still stand by what i previously said. Too many questions to make this an enjoyable one off. I suppose to you the story makes sense. It's some sort of monster and it killed people. That's what you wanted it to be. But to me (and the other readers I'm sure) there's a lot that we want answered.

Sycamore