Chapter 1

The streets of Ponyville were silent.

Three ponies huddled in fear. Something had been pursuing them the entire day, and now they didn't know how to escape. First it took the older ponies, then the other fillies and colts, one by one. Now only Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo remained.

"What're we gonna do, Scootaloo?" asked Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo was silent. In her mind, one sentence ran through her mind. 'What would Rainbow Dash do?' But nothing came.

"Scootaloo?" The sound of Applebloom's voice brought Scootaloo back to her senses.

"I...I don't know, guys." The words tumbled out of Scootaloo's mouth. They felt sour. 'You're such a failure, pipsqueak. No wonder I never hung out with you' came the thought into her head. She hung her head in shame. In their moment of need, when her friends needed her most, she failed.

She started to cry. Unbidden, the thoughts kept coming. The memories. First her failures as a Cutie Mark Crusader. All the times they had tried something, and it failed. Then came her failure today.

In the depths of her mind, her self-loathing had a face, a name, and a voice. Rainbow Dash. And she came up again, to taunt Scootaloo in her failure. 'What happened, pipsqueak? Was it the blood? If we'd switched places, we'd still be safe. Our friends would be here. Maybe you wouldn't. You'd be too scared. You're just like Fluttershy!' she shouted into Scootaloo's mind.

Then it was Twilight. The learned pony, the one who'd always supported the trio, was shaking her head. 'What happened, my little pony? Was it the unknown? If you'd kept in school like you should have, we'd still be safe. Our friends would be here. Maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you'd still be too ignorant. You're just like Fluttershy!" she shouted into Scootaloo's mind.

It changed forms again. Applejack. Again. Pinkie Pie. Rarity. Then lastly...Scootaloo faced herself. 'Even our friends saw you better than you could see yourself! Scootaloo the chicken!'

At last, it turned back to Rainbow Dash. 'You said I was your idol, that you'd do whatever I wanted! Why couldn't you even save my life, pipsqueak!'

Something finally snapped in Scootaloo's mind. She got up, and fighting the protests of her friends, she stepped into the street. Sweetie Belle and Applebloom turned to the wall.

The streets of Ponyville were silent.

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Comments ( 8 )

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Dyrilby

Dyrilby #1 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

I don't really understand what's going on here, but okay. Not bad.

CosmicAfro

CosmicAfro #2 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

I suppose I'd say it's intruiging, but there is too many questions that have popped up to make this enjoyable for me. I know there is some reason to all this, and I'm sure you'll get to it later, but jumping into so many questions (and in SUCH a short chapter) isn't my taste. Also, a suggestion. Don't use apostrophes ( ' ) for thought. They have a specific use in writing. I would reccomend italiacs.

So why comment? Well, don't leave your readers in the dark too much. Other than the apostrophe suggestion, this was very well written.

Dsarker

Dsarker #3 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

68903>>68834

This is the entire story. A monster came to town and killed everypony. Scootaloo's mind breaks as she struggles to deal with it. She runs from the hiding spot and gets killed.

Zooty

Zooty #4 · Dec 15th, 2011 · 1 · ·

Despite being so short it is quite well written

Autumn Wind

Autumn Wind #5 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

There's potential for something here, but right now, you've left it too vague, too short. Brevity is the soul of wit, I'll conceive, but this is excessive. This isn't a story, this is an emotion stranded alone, far too short and isolated to be truly meaningful.

SirMrDrPwn

SirMrDrPwn #6 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Da Buq?

CosmicAfro

CosmicAfro #7 · Dec 15th, 2011 · · ·

Oh this is the entire story? That's a little...depressing to say the least. You could easily go into a huge story, but I guess if you don't want to that's fine.

However, I still stand by what i previously said. Too many questions to make this an enjoyable one off. I suppose to you the story makes sense. It's some sort of monster and it killed people. That's what you wanted it to be. But to me (and the other readers I'm sure) there's a lot that we want answered.

Sycamore