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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting take on it not what I expected.
... the cover art looks familiar. Could you PM the full picture, please?
Any story with an infamos titsnake on the cover deserves a look
I'm interested in where you go with this story. Hope to see more soon.
> snek titties
YES! You have NO idea how long I've wanted a Viper main character in a fimfic!
Not sure if the ending quote was intentionally worded incorrectly (mis-translation?) but .. well, I can't say the premise doesn't intrigue me, but the flow needs some serious work, and it really takes me out of it here and there. Don't stop though, as I said, I am looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Hmmm? I thought snake and horse are destine enemy. Might be interesting.
9794387
Actually, according to the Bible, Humans and snakes are sworn enemies.
"And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." Genesis 3:15
I'm seriously hoping she's a biped and not a serpent
Damn it now I'm sad and disappointed that she's an actual serpent
Since I approve of your story idea I'll give you some helpful tips: Try to limit the use of 'as' for a carry on sentence. It makes sentences longer and make them feel like run-ons. Using '.' More often would space out longer sentences fixing the run-on feeling of sentences. Constructive criticism out of the way, I'm surprised that this wasn't done already. It sounds like an interesting concept so far. Can't wait for more chapters.
This could use a serious makeover. The pacing is stilted when it doesn't feel rushed. There is a lot of other stuff going on that needs attention, but I'm about to start work so I don't exactly have the time to write it all up. Biggest recommendation would be to get a competent editor in on this.
I’m a sucker for snakes but goddamn.
needs some work, but with some polish. I would love to see more.
Well this could use some work here and there, but I still like the Viper. So let's see how this goes.
Nope. I'm pretty sure that sentence doesn't work. If you want to play with pronouns, make it as simple for your readers as possible. Let it be a small joke in it's own little sentence, like "he is now a she". That's it. Be extra careful with the description of your story, it's the first thing your potential readers see.
I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after 'hello'.
This is not good. The issue can be fixed quite easily, though: end the first sentence as the Commander introduces himself. Next one will tell us that we will be reading notes from his journal. Although I'm not sure if anyone ever wrote in his diary or journal 'Hello, this is a diary/journal'.
9794184
I too would like a pm of the picture.
Also like the concept, just feels a little rushed.
I'll be honest. What got my attention was the pic. I'ma sucker for xcom based crossovers (and StarCraft) and I do live me some vipers. (Personal thanks to all the lovely modders out there for the game. Especially the one that allowed vipers on my team. )
This was a nice start, could use a bit more fleashing out in places. I thought it was a bit quick but you got my interest anyway. I'll give you a few more chapters to see if you keep it. Good luck ^^
9794289
I know right I gave up trying to find one and write it myself
9794555
Thanks for the advice I'm going to be reworking this chapter before I start the next.
9795587
Thanks for the help I'm working to improve this chapter.
Odd question, but how does the underwear fit if she has no legs?
Huh.
im not a fan of anthro but atleast its not humans with pony features, but i will give this one a try as it seems a bit interesting
Now I am curious at what has happened to Twilight.
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I was thinking kinda like they do for Mia from Monster Musume, basically a crotch patch.
I think it would have been amusing if the royal sisters made any kind of comment about the game difficulty or utalizing Ironman mode ... Or my fave tactic ... >.> Save scumming.
Never been a fan of short chapters but that's just my preference.
Those damn Elders need to be stopped! Always watching cable news, driving dangerously, telling us how shit we are compared to how they were in their day, and voting all the damn time! It's time to storm the AARP!
So the sisters summoned him/her just to use him, right?
Without caring what that person is
I don't think there will be good reaction
They are lucky they didn't summon someone insane like Joker
Is this displaced story?
If it isn't ignore what I wrote below
Also to displace someone you need power of a void dweller not some cheap jewelry of friendship and 2 alicorns that are just another copy/echo from original dimension
Don't take me wrong they maybe powerfull but a void dweller displaces people a lot on conventions like nothing, sometimes they create/edit worlds for them specifically and if you are nice to them and you know about displaced and you want to go they take request for changes, etc.
When they create equestrias they create elements and give people powers and can even transform someone into a god
Just saying that creating a displaced/displacing someone shouldn't be that easy if void dweller himself didn't help
Must have MORE! Loving this story already!
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
Updates?
hey are going to be updating soon?
How's it coming ?
New chapter
Where u at though young one
More I need... MORE
Dead story.
Any more updates planned? I hope yes, but expect no.
One story I wish would continue >.>
please continue I am like this storie and if this has sex can you PM me who or who's she gets with please
Is this dead
10327175
yes
I really want more of this love gender bender and this seems like a fun concept.
So this story on hiatus or canceled
10374549
Neither I am working on it today as we speak.
10375815
Good ta hear!
I just so happen to be interested in most of your stories 🤔
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Why thank you mind if I ask what about my stories you like?
10377851
The idea, not often you find such a unique choice.
I also enjoyed "Love... Seriously!?" So I found yours and went "hey, that's interesting!"
10375815
Oooh looking forward to it.