Licensed Real Estate Agent & Notary Public. I also really love magical girls.
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The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest magician in the world and she will go anywhere and overcome anything to show it! Her desire to learn new magic to better herself, her show, and rub in Twilight's face that she knows magic she doesn't, will take her to lands nearly unknown to Equestria. But just what kinds of strange creatures and dangerous things exist out here for her to conquer and prove herself to?
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This is very well done, nice use of a mythical creature we really haven't seen yet. And I really like Trixie's Dorothy-like entrance at the end!
I'll give this a read since the Starlight Glimmer story was real good
I love a story with a great comedic hero. Seeing those four beings, facing off against an unstoppable evil, pushed right to the brink, then being saved in the most ridiculous way possible... I approve.
Waiting for the next chapter, when the village erects a statue of Trixie in the town square and the old ponies speak with awe about the savior who fell screaming for her life out of the sky.
Heh, nice mood whiplash. This is going on my tracking list.
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Yeah it hasn't been used in the show, and unless they tone it down a lot they probably wont since the Nuckelavee is a pretty gruesome creature. I had to tone its appearance down a bit in this chapter too since this is still an E-rated story. And I'm still surprised by how I've only seen like one or two other fanfics have a Nuckelavee in them, you'd think there would be more since it's at least horse related.
And funny you say that since I honestly wasn't thinking about Dorothy at all when I was writing this but at the same time I have to admit that The Wizard of Oz and Return to Oz are two huge influences of mine. Maybe it just slipped in subconsciously.
Calling it right now: Harlequin Black is Discord in disguise.
I'm digging how Trixie stays in character as the braggart, but she does have a conscience. I also like how the outsiders are more wary of Trixie than the born-and-raised East Gladers.
Time to see more of the New Adventures of Trixie.
Enjoying this so far.
Lol, wonder what will happen when he finds out that Trixie actually knows Starlight Glimmer, and is her best friend lol
Not as funny as some other stories, but it has a great storyline.
From bad to worse.
Just to point out, it is demonstrated in the show that Trixie definitely knows a lot more spells than your average unicorn, not as much as Twilight and Starlight, definitely, but definitely more than your average unicorn. She has demonstrated the ability to summon a small storm cloud and strike a foe with lightning, as well as an adept level of telekinesis (kinds comes with her job as a showmare) and if anything, despite her boasting and ego, she is a fast learner, given the examples shown in the show. Also, while the Alicorn amulet was amping her magic, she did demonstrate she had quite a range of spells in her repritoire, not counting ones obviously granted by the magical boost of the Alicorn amulet, such as the age spell.
(Also that lightning strike did little damage mostly because her opponent was an Ursa minor, though agreeably it probably isn't too powerful either, but lightning is still lightning))
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Yeah she's definitely above average and has a lot of potential but she's just not a teacher herself or anything (even though Starlight had her substitute at the school once I guess). She knows how to do a lot but her theatrics and impulsiveness can kind of hamper things at times too. Trixie's good but just not Twilight or Starlight good I guess is what I'm saying.
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Yeah, just most people forget that her ego stems from the fact that she IS better than the average unicorn, even if she can't compete with Twilight and Starlight.
(Though in all fairness, Twilight and Starlight are kind of freaks of nature when it comes to magical ability, haha)
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
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Coil is typical scientist/professor guy voice. Gizzard sounds old and rustic, with his voice a bit scratchy, he sounds like he's on the verge of coughing something up every time he speaks. Vector sounds like a generic background character. The most average sounding guy you could think of. And Daylight is grumpy Twilight except with a lower pitched voice, in my head I always pictured her as looking like a palette swap of unicorn Twilight in the first place.
Heh, I was wondering when the stolen box of fireworks would come into play.
Small typo, new arrivals.
Also, Trixie, never change. The world need overconfident blowhards. If only as comedic relief.
So far the story is pretty fun to read, especially with all the weirdness happening. There does seem to be a pattern of crises being resolved by means of accidentally fireworks to the face - I'm hoping Trixie's other toolsmof trade will come into play maybe?
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Thank you.
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Is has been said before, but we tend to forget neither Twilight or Starlight represent the average unicorn. Most of them stick to levitation, glowing things, shooting weak beams and few other spells mostly related to their Marks.
Hmm....
Is Trixie going to Harry Houdini this?
Well, this is getting even more interesting.
Always love a good brick joke.
Heh, I thought she'd blow the bridge from under him. But this was more dramatic - and true to form.
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I meant in terms of voice actors.
This was a bit of a Big-lipped Alligator Moment.
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I would essentially call this a fun intermission. But it keeps in nature with the story anyways.
Sometimes I forget how dumb ponies can be.
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And griffons, don’t forget griffons.
Love’s Lost Decade intensifies.
Ok, but this:
This is actually kind of freaky.
How many chapters long will this story be?
This entire chapter was a long plot twist.
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There are two chapters left for a total of 25.
This story is great in its own way.
Just got done reading the whole thing and I'm feeling pretty well satisfied.
East Glade really is a harsh place to live. It's like the mountainous version of the Everfree Forest. The tangent quest that Trixie went on into the snowy mountains was probably the highlight for me. The atmosphere and growing sense of dread were well done. It's like the pony version of The Thing.
Speaking of, great characterization throughout. Trixie was her boisterous self all throughout and that trait even allowed her to live through some of her encounters. The other characters kinda blended together for me, though Daylight was a standout in most scenes. Let's hope that the ones that stayed behind are ready to defend the village from the next monster of the week.
As for criticism, there's a lot of telling and not much showing going on. Admittedly, this is a hard thing to learn, so I encourage you to look up a few guides and maybe seek out an editor to help. There are a lot of good ideas in here that just need some polish to make them shine.
Otherwise, nice work!
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Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
As for the characters I think I should have done more with Gizzard and his grandsons, even though the two of them were meant to only be minor characters in the first place. And yeah the "telling not showing", I sort of do that on purpose in some places to trim the fat or make things more concise but I know that can make things come off as abrupt or hollow too. I'm kind of bad at conveying and describing things in detail.
Alright, finally finished this!
Let's start with things to improve on, apart from the standard spelling/grammar errors.
Formatting dialogue still needs work. Things like...
... are still prevalent throughout the story, and this can turn off the more critical/demanding readers. I don't need to repeat myself from the previous three stories I've commented on.
The prose can still get a bit too long and/or redundant, not only thanks to run-on sentences—
—but also due to somewhat repetitive prose/padding, like in the very next sentence:
... when now or at this moment could do the same job with less effort.
At the same time, when the prose gets very descriptive, it can fall into the trap of just listing stuff, like—
While that's a useful style, it can make a story feel flat if used too often. Instead, perhaps you can describe how her fiery mane flowed in the wind, grazing her black leather jacket. Try to action-ize the description from time to time, so to speak.
Now, to the good.
Overall, this is an awesome story! If I were to rank the stories I've read from you, this would be second to Trail Blazer though that story has the advantage of having no show characters in and exploring a time period that I don't see many writers explore nowadays, so mysterious novelty sort of brings it up a bit.
Still, Searches is great as it is. It is sad that the technical errors are there because, once I got past those errors and decided to keep going, there's a gem of a tale here!
Looking forward to your Amethyst Star story! Thank you for this Trixie epic!
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I'm glad you enjoyed the story. As for your first complaint with the capitalization after the comma/end quote, I only realized that when I was already midway through writing the story and decided not to change it for consistencies sake since it would take too much effort to go back and change every previous chapter. I've got it fixed for what I'm writing now. Yeah, the descriptiveness can be bland like that, just something I need more experience with and awareness of when writing.
Daylight has always been a fun character to write for me since I came up with her back in my first story, She's still a grump but she's changed a bit and become a better pony thanks to her experiences in the other stories and now she keeps getting caught up in crazy adventures too. She's basically my signature recurring OC at this point, I throw her everywhere.
I would keep that chapter in mind if I were you. It will be a while, and I mean a long while, for some of the foreshadowing in this story to come to fruition but that chapter in particular was very important.
Okay, this was so right on for Trixie and the life she lives. Like!
Exciting, then funny. I loved it.
Trixie...Trixie doesn't learn lessons, does she?
Hilarious chapter.
This is gonna be fun.
Well, that was ominous.
(Hello again, Wool Dye!) It was funny to me how egotistical Trixie sounded in her head. The conversation between the egotistical lunatic and religious fanatic was funny to me.
Trixie accidentally saving the day again made me laugh. So did that "threat."
Trixie's off the cuff lesson had me chuckling. (Even if Trixie knows a bit of magic, knowing doesn't mean you can teach!) The situation with the Griffons is getting bad.
That "fight scene" between Trixie and Goliath made me laugh. Not so tough now eh, Goliath?
Interesting worldbuilding. Wonder what's in those mountains?
Loving Trixie's accidental heroics.
Fun.