Licensed Real Estate Agent & Notary Public. I also really love magical girls.
After delivering some apples to a far away customer, Applejack gets lost on the way home. Stuck dealing with a bunch of troublesome situations and ponies she'd really rather not have to bother with, she just wishes she could find her way home and more than anything to just be able to eat an apple again.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sounds like she could use a map.
I liked the story, though it's a bit top heavy. And generally you have big, thick paragraphs all the way through. I'd recommend trying to break them when possible. Other than that, though, it's an intriguing set up and I enjoyed the first chapter.
9271108
Thank you for your comment, my first one! These first couple chapters are kind of like that because it's just Applejack walking alone to set the scene/atmosphere of the story and she's mainly just thinking or talking to herself, so it stays a little description heavy here without a lot of breaks. As there actually starts to be real dialogue and things happening in the story that will change the make-up of the chapters.
Congrats on your story getting approved. You can still bring it up in conversation.
9283217
Thank you.
If they'd never heard of Ponyville, I'd ask "which way to Canterlot?"
It's the capitol, they MUST have heard of that
9283318
That's assuming she's still in Equestria. These ponies don't even know what apples are, who knows where she is? She could be going around in circles in the Badlands, or in the Undiscovered West, or accidentally walked through a dimensional portal.
9285947
How do you accidently go through a dimensional portal? I suspect Discord.
Still, if that's what happened then she is screwed, blued, & tattooed. (To quote an old saying that never made sense to me)
Always looking for a good Applejack story - think I'll take a read.
Dreadnought
The pegasi should have rounded up a few rain clouds to put out the torches.
9299241
Thanks again.
9299306
You can get a free proofreader here
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/]The Proofreader Group
or I could do it
Is it me or have you been watching One Punch Man anime
9299890
. It is funny you mention something like that though cause there's something coming up very soon in the story that is kind of unintentionally inspired by a certain anime. I'll be going into more detail on that later.
Well I have seen OPM but no
In general I love magical girls more than anything though.
& in other places that you can't mention & still keep an "E" rating.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+horse+with+no+name+america&&view=detail&mid=11A52C3D1410268B0F4711A52C3D1410268B0F47&&FORM=VRDGAR
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Kung+Fu+Fighting+Official&&view=detail&mid=8EBA2AE3C3F43A4AF9418EBA2AE3C3F43A4AF941&&FORM=VRDGAR
Sounds like Pinkie's relatives.
9306864
Thank you.
Am I correct in assuming that this story will be really, really long?
9316492
. 76 chapters and somewhere between 150-200k words. I'm still writing the last dozen or so chapters so I'm not completely sure on the word count. While I was writing it I realized I easily could've made it a super long story like some of the big adventure fics on this site, but I wanted to make something more relaxed and easier to get into. This isn't a huge epic adventure with a huge overarching story. I wanted it to be easy entertainment, hence the more comedic tone as well and the somewhat anti-climactic nature of these fights.
No no, this is hardly a story like that
9321954
It's plural not possessive, he's not just talking about our town as in Valley Town but both towns.
9321999
Exactly. The story was published with the apostrophe. My post was made in the hope that the typo will be corrected, because I find that sort of thing annoying
9322048
Hah, guess I missed that in my proofreading this morning.
As I said earlier, "AJ, I'd start asking for Canterlot"
In the words of JRR Tolkien "The tale grew in the telling "
9326510
Quite so.
I think it's clear what the overall vibe of this story is. . .
Next chapter please
9334920
That's pretty funny. I didn't know that video existed but it fits fairly well.
I feel like if there was anything I'm taking influence from it's stuff like The Wizard of Oz/Return to Oz, The Phantom Tollbooth, Kino's Journey and Alice in Wonderland.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efHzGxEzDQA
I was supposed to comment much later when I've caught up to the latest chapter, but I can't get myself up to speed with your quick updates, so I'll do it here. (Looks like I'm suffering on the receiving end of constant updates this time!
)
Your story's taken on a rather Austraeoh-esque feeling to it (though take that with a grain of salt since I haven't read any of that fic at all). The terse short description, the rather generic (in a good way) long description, and how it feels like the reader enters the story in medias res—how did Applejack get to that cliff, anyway?
The short opening chapters did great in hooking me in because you managed to strike the balance of mystery and hope. You keep luring the reader in with Applejack hoping to find something different from the wasteland around her, and then once she finds a sign, to find civilization. In a way, it makes the reader ready for whatever weird stuff might happen later on by serving a dish of almost nothing—at that point, the reader becomes more willing to accept anything for some nice conflict, action, dialogue, what have you.
Then, we get to the Cross Way arc, which, in and of itself, would've made for a great short story already, what with showing Applejack as the helpful visitor trying to help save the town from raider rabble. But, you're doing well to take hints that something is off in the greater scheme of things, especially with how apparently no one's heard of Ponyville or even apples. Perhaps that earthquake had something to do with it, but I've only gotten this far and skimmed to the end of the next chapter, so I don't know.
You portray Applejack very well, and not just with her external dialogue and being the pony to lean on. Her internal dialogue, too, is spot on, with her joking about Rarity and dirt, among other things, and thinking of Twilight conjuring up a survivalist list, too. Made for some interesting images that can be easily associated with this fic.
The original characters are pretty good, too, but if I have to single one out, it'd be Sturdy Wheel. The fact that he can't always keep things running and organized despite his cutie mark is one to point out, and seeing him struggle with it as the populace expresses their disdain until Applejack stepped up...that was chilling. He also goes through some much-needed character development, learning to take a stand and not giving up on it, or at least reinforcing that idea—were it not for Applejack, he could've succumbed to letting Sandstone in and ravage the town.
Overall: You've done a pretty good job here! I'll do my best to at least catch up before it ends.
9335783
Wow, thanks for the big comment. It makes me happy to see that you're reading and enjoying my story since you've written some favorites of mine. The quick updates are pretty much due to my own impatience, I want to get the chapters out and see how people enjoy the story, and since this is my first MLP fanfic and the first thing I've written in a long while I wanted to be sure I finished it. So I wrote more than half of it before I even started publishing to give me a big buffer zone so I could pretty much write at my own leisure and not feel like I had a schedule to keep or any pressure to get chapters out.
I also have not read Austraeoh and I know next to nothing about it aside from the general outline.
One word of warning I have is that the comedy tag is on this story for a reason, it's not meant to be taken totally seriously even with some serious parts and story arcs, so I don't want to lead you on about any big mysteries or an overarching story. There are certain recurring themes and ideas in the story but it's still more like just a "Things happen" kind of deal. I've always felt that this story is more of a parody of big adventures than anything, like in this chapter for example how the villain is dealt with. Sturdy Wheel comes up with this big plan and a huge fight is about to break out but then Applejack just instantly takes care of things and turns the whole situation on its head.
lay is past tense of lie. lied = "told an untruth"
It's one of the more confusing parts of the mess that is the English language
https://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/lay-vs-lie
9336318
I went back and forth with that part. Thanks.
You kind of have to wonder "How did she get so far from home so fast?"
So, I'm going with "Discord did it"
Ever see a 1960s show called The Prisoner?
9341481
Haven't seen it but I know it. The Simpsons parody that capture ball a few times too.
Or just eat your way through the hedges and walk in a straight line.
Was this a Digimon reference? (It's been going on 20 years since I watched it)
9347023
If it is I didn't know it.
The one that they really need is Scootaloo or at least Apple Bloom
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=hummer+advertisements&&view=detail&mid=5BA0438C4344C15596C95BA0438C4344C15596C9&&FORM=VRDGAR
will there be a squeal to this?
9351414
Oh wait, you meant a sequel.
9351442
Yeah. A sequel to the story. Will there be one?
9351442
I guess that sentence might be a little unwieldy but I'm trying to say that even though Applejack doesn't put much effort into it she still likes looking and feeling nice. By "mind" I mean like, "doing" or "thinking about" rather than being bothered by.
9351414
I don't have any plans for a direct sequel but I have some more story ideas that are in the same vein and world I guess as this one. A Rarity story, a Starlight story, a Trixie story, an Amethyst Star story and a Rainbow Dash story.
9351496
okay