The fall of Beacon Academy was a tragic event, many had died in the chaos, and one of them was Vale's most wanted, Roman Torchwick. We all know his story and how he had fallen into death's embrace, Roman didn't expect to lose to a nameless girl, and he thought everything would end once the darkness consumed him, but he was wrong.
Now he finds himself in a whole new world of multi colored horses, where he also encounters a certain showmare who speaks in third person.
Follow the dashing thief of Remnant as he takes the greatest second chance in his life, by doing what he does best.
Chapters (37)
Promising.
Good so far.
I like this.
Hopefully, you don't rewrite it again, I read some stories that went 3 or even 4 rewrites, it was annoying XD.
9802138
Hmm, I'm not really telling anyone on what to do but if you rewrite a story after the third time, I think that's where you just give up.
If rewriting it thrice with each being a bit different isn't enough then you might as well just axe it there or keep going with your third rewrite. Sometimes doing it over and over makes things dull and lowers the readers expectations. Even though we got so much "I turned into X because of Truck-kun's brother, MerchantMan!", don't really got anything against those type of fics, buts its a good example.
That's just what I think and I thought about the " rewrite" subject since the day you commented.
I have an idea if I could share it, maybe shadow manipulation would be a good fit for Roman, and as far as I know no one has that semblance, so it could work.
He died in a fight with Ruby Rose. A fight he was winning I might add, until he was killed by an animal from behind.
Not exactly a nameless girl, unless your referring to the Grim that killed him.
The Monk
“A spider’s got to spider.” -Scarheart
9839061
No, I was referring to Ruby, I just always thought that Roman doesn't bother learning her name and just stuck with calling her Red. But now that I think of it, (if I remember it right) he did call Blake by her name in the train episode. Which was probably because he learned it from other White Fang members.
Yeah, it would actually be reasonable for Roman to find out Ruby's name. Being a thorn on his side and all.
9839055
Well I do have some choices, and I was actually leaning over to the noise canceling semblance where all noise are nonexistent in a small radius area for a few seconds or more.
You know, to fit his rouge like class, gotta ask for details though.
Are you saying like that guy from Naruto or like Blake? Or Zed from League of L? Never mind, Zed and Blake are kinda the same now that I think of it.
9838946
Sorry dude, wrong answer
But on a serious note, the description that I gave doesn't really say Octavia. Also, since I'm cutting her out of the fic.
Funny that she was about to reveal that she had aura in the original fic and she would go against Roman. Heh.
9839089
THAT, is a very, very good point. Your right, I don't think that he actually knew her name.
I stand corrected
The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan
9839089
I was thinking of a combination of some of the shadow arts from Naruto.
Here is a list of light and shadow jutsu from Naruto.
I'm thinking if you pick my idea you can chose some that fit Roman's character. but that's up to you
9839142
I might pick some kind of shadow manipulation, that alone in the dark style seems cool. Like my noise canceling idea, seems too OP though but I can always think up some down sides of Roman's semblance.
I think that if an Author wants to reimagine an earlier story of theirs, they should indeed do so. They say that hind-sight is 20/20 and it is very true. We often come up with ideas that we wish we would have used when we originally wrote our works. So, no biggie.
I have to hand it to you though, you did one thing absolutely right. You did NOT delete the original work. You kept it up and that is the right thing to do. Nothing pisses me off more than getting 30 chapters invested in a story, only to have the dam thing deleted by the Author. Every story has fun points and unique situations that made reading it in the first place fun. Even if the original is a dead work, rereading it for those fun and unique situations can be entertaining. The perfect example of what Im talking about is the story Great, I'm the new bad guy by Lichlord18 He He got 20 or so chapters into a story that was kind of light hearted / tongue and cheek, then deleted it to rewrite it with a more serious tone. The original, which had some fantastic moments is gone forever. Its a loss to new reader who will never have a chance to see it. (Luckily I archive these things, or at least the better ones, so I still have the original.)
Now Im not saying to never delete old work. Stories with one or three chapters, or stories written in "Cave Man" speak is a different story. As is any story that uses the word "chuckled" more than 20 times, or "She wore" followed by a description of what every single one of the mane six is wearing should be automatically deleted.
Any way, good job on the rewrite, Im liking it so far.
The Monk
“Heat? isn't that when... I took a whiff of air when I smelled a smelly smell that smells smelly.” -The Kitsune
9802138
Those are the people who get in the car to grab something to eat only to drive in circles unsure what restaurant to hit. 😎
The Monk
“Puberty was a curse for those inflicted with it, and boundless amusement for others who survived the process.” -Scarheart
9841159
Thanks, I kept the original one because of pretty much what you've said. I got too far just to delete it, it can even serve as an inspiration for me. Like if I need a few ideas for a different story, I can look back at my old works.
Like how when I was writing my second fic, a borderlands crossover, I used my first plan of bringing back dead people from the rwby series into my first story. The second fic actually helped me decide on rewriting this one because I thought "Hey, I can't just use the same idea on two different fics!"
Also, you got any quotes about how awesome water is? I got a joke religion going on with my friends and we praise water as the beginning of life and all that stuff.
Edit: you made me conscious if I used the word "chuckled" over twenty times, might actually count it later...
"Long ago, before man walk upon the earth, we were fish." -My friend Jose
SNEAK LEVEL UP
Role credits +1
9849656
SNEAK 100
Well, that was a perfectly executed plan. Now I just hope there aren't any issues further in.
Good start, was slightly thrown by the mixed tenses.
10247161
Wait I'm still doing that? Dang, I thought I got over that
The Schnee dust company is here!
10279727
Guess you're right. Should've known that since I also do it as well lol
Well, am I the only one surprised nobody suggested twilight's help? *Sips Tea* She normally seems to be the go to for most events after all. Odd they never went forth to introduce him to her at the very least.
10284738
What, you think that something is up? Well maybe there is, maybe there isn't.
Or maybe I just didn't want to add any more words to the chapter, who knows
I'm keeping an eye on you bud
so neo is coming. nice.
Oh those poor poor alicorns *sips tea with grin* they have no clue who they are bringing to their peaceful little world.
I am trembling with anticipation....
grimm are in equestra now?!? not good.
Twilight you idiot.
Your writting is pretty good. And, yay, grimm. I wonder if Roman will run away, or fight fight FIGHT!
10304961
Thanks
Keep wrighting this is a really good story
10304751
That pony's response implies they've been here for a while.
10307616
oh boy.
hmmmmmm. what now. who got trixie.
Ooooooo. Nice shit
I have an idea for a Semblance for Roman. The greatest asset to any thief worth their salt , is a solid and clean get away. His Semblance would be called Door, allowing him to make door like openings, of various shapes and sizes but no larger than '6 by '6, between two places within a 5-Kilometer radius. It'd be a more solid version of Ravens' teleportation but with a limited range. Combat, defensive and everyday use is crazy high.
10309693
Real spoilers because sometime I can't keep it in any longer
Originally I was gonna give Roman something I called "Watchtower" (I thought semblance don't have names) the idea was that Roman could create a floating eyeball as some kind of camera to give him a field view of things. It fitted his thief personality and stuff.
But I'll be honest, your idea just sounds awesome and idk what to pick now.
I might end up using your idea. Also, it would be better if Roman is limited with the doors idk, maybe only allow him to make these doors on solid surfaces, it doesn't need to be an even surface
10309499
I'll give you a hint
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/payday/images/0/03/HOLY_SHI-.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140130190209
10310079
sweet flanks of luna. how in Celestia's flanks did an alien predictor get in that world???
10310089
Guess again cowboy! It's one of the reasons you don't walk away from your group, a l4d karma charger style that haunts thieves and criminals to the very core. One so frustratingly annoying, that everyone wished them a painful death.
A damn cloaker!
10310096
oh. but it looks like an alien predictor.
Hey great work so far I'm really interested with the story hope to see more
10310102
Thanks dude, will try to write my best!
10310098
Yeah, I'm just guessing you've never heard of payday, fun game with the friends. And technically, cloakers can be called predators, their main prey is you, the player.
Annoying freaks that just spooks you whenever it can
10310117
fair enough. never really did play the game.
10310062
do you want me to delete my comment so other won't read it?
10310211
You know what, just put in a spoiler. So you know, people knows its a spoiler, lol.
And honestly, I'm leaning towards your idea because it just sounds better
10310345
Glados to know I could help.
I have my own idea for a semblance for Roman, though that one definatly isn't too bad.
Semblance: Silver Tongue; When someone looks in his eyes, Roman's eyes will glow orange briefly, which results in the other person becoming susceptible to suggestions from him, where someone would outright ignore him, they will listen. He has a limit of three minutes to give the suggestion, before the effect wears off. But the suggestion lasts until it is accomplished. The downside is it makes his eyes dry out a bit, as well as makes him thirsty.+
Thoughts?