Living Lava's Travel Journal

by Shadow of doubt

Entry 1, Ponyville - Part 1 of 3

It turned out when Discord left, he went to have a chat with Fluttershy, he was quite affected by Twilight's opinion of him, although he doesn't show it, Rose could understand how he feels, and the fact that he and Fluttershy are quite close, it made sense that Fluttershy had already heard about Twilights uncensored opinion of him, from what Rose had gathered from her chats with Discord, Fluttershy was a quiet and nervous pony, that assessment didn't fit with what she saw when they arrived at Ponyville.

While Twilight was sweating buckets and looking every which way, Rose noticed that Fluttershy was stonefaced and almost outright glaring at Twilight from the way that the other ponies at the station were avoiding the pair, it could be a rare occurrence or the fact that an alicorn twice their size that happened to be made of lava was also standing slightly behind Twilight, either way, Rose was a tad put off by the situation.

"Hi, fluttershy...," Twilight faded out as Fluttershy didn't respond so much as remain indifferent to her greeting. Seemingly resigned to the predetermined topic of the conversation Twilight continued, "Look, I know I messed up, Rose already pointed it out, I'm going to put in an effort and try to get to know Discord better, I just find it hard as he always ends up making everything into some kind of joke I mean, I know he isn't a bad pony, I just find it hard to communicate with him," Twilight finished, her head down and ears drooped.

"It's alright, I'm not mad, but I am quite disappointed, I thought you two had gotten over your differences after what happened with Tirek, I of all ponies know that to communicate with and befriend Discord, you have to have the patience." Fluttershy said while a small smile emerged on her face towards the end. Fluttershy looked toward Rose and her smile widened, "You must be Rose, Discord has told me so much about you and about some of the pranks you managed to pull off I haven't seen him this happy for quite a while, barring today of course," Fluttershy prompted them to follow her as they made their way out of the train station, Rose closed her eyes and smiled she took a breath of fresh air and concentrated, with a small grunt of effort, her mane and tail died out, replaced with light orange hair.

As she opened her eyes, they met with a smiling Fluttershy and a light clapping from Twilight, "That's a major improvement Rose, I'm glad you've made that much progress, and while you still let off a noticeable amount of heat, you shouldn't set anything on fire, although, I do wish you did that earlier." Twilight elaborated, as they trotted down the dirt path, a large crystal tree castle, sparkling in the distance, clashing somewhat with the rural setting.

"So, tell me about yourself Fluttershy, Discord has mentioned you from time to time, so I'd like to get to know you," exclaimed Rose, keeping pace with the smaller pegasus.
"Oh, well, there isn't that much to know, I love to take care of all of my animal friends and any injured animal that I find I try and nurse back to health Discord has told me about your tendencies to set things on fire and that you have been improving that issue quite a lot," Fluttershy answered her wings twitched at the mention of fire, but she kept her voice steady throughout the conversation.

Rose, Fluttershy, and Twilight kept a steady conversation as they trotted toward Ponyville proper, where Rose was met with the pinkest pony she had seen, "Hello I'm Pinkie Pie you must be Rose Flare It's lovely to meet you I love what you did with your hair I'll be going now I have things to plan, Byeee." Throughout the short time she was in her view, Rose was unable to get a word in edgewise before she bounced away faster then she had seen some ponies run.

Rose looked towards Twilight, who had a sheepish look on her face, "Do you know her? I don't and I'm not even sure how she knows my name. Did you tell her?" Rose asked.

Twilight shook her head and answered, "No, but she always seems to know a ponies name, she's friends with everyone in town, I'm sure you'll get to see her again anyway," Twilight paused for a second, "Would you like to stay the night at my place? We have plenty of room, and that means you won't have to worry about being able to say goodbye to Green Rose, She has been wondering what happened to you." Twilight paused, " I... Don't talk about you that much, so you'll have a lot to catch up on." Continued Twilight, nervously pawing at the ground.

Fluttershy watched on and smiled to herself, glad that her friend was trying to better herself. She hopes it will go just as smoothly when she talks to Discord again.

---

Author's Note:

I've had some writer's block for a while, along with my growing disinterest with MLP, I've been reading a lot of Worm (great premise with really good fanfictions)

I've split this chapter into three, it'll help me keep focus, not sure why, but I find it much easier to write in many small chunks.

I've also scrapped this chapter a few times... I was never able to finish the ending for to, I didn't feel like I had Rose in Ponyville for enough time... So I'll be extending the chapter into around 850 - 1200 word parts. (three planned, but may be more)

As always I need criticism or praise to keep my flippant nature for writing in season!

How is the grammar and sentence structure?
Does the dialog read well?
Tell me more, in the comments below!

Comments

[jimerjam]

a year of waiting, I did not expect this story to be alive.

[Shadow of doubt]

10271394
Honestly, a blip on the heart monitor, likely caused to some kind of parasitic fungi, I think it's called motivation or something?

[Nightmare723764]

10271442
Oh yeah... heh.

[Edgeblackstar]

10271395
IT alive !!! THANK YOU FOR CONTINUING this story

[Xblaster]

Awesome to see this is alive bud and it read pretty well tho this little bit

I of all ponies know that to communicate with and befriend Discord, you have to have the patience."

"You need to have the patience." Sounds better to me
Anyways loved chapter tho wished it was longer but this is how you write so that's perfectly fine

[Wickedkingken]

Yes this story is back

[Mr Swanky Hat]

[jasha3558021]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[Mordred]

What a coincidence, I’m also reading worm. I’m on the arc where Taylor becomes one of the good guys of the Chicago wards

[lordelliott]

To answer the questions in the author's notes, the grammar has never been perfect and the dialogue occasionally requires an extra bit of thought because of that, but I've always admired your ability to put out a good narrative despite it. This chapter is a little too short without much actually happening for me to say whether the narrative is good or not. I have to see where it goes in the next part.

You might get good feedback releasing chapters in Google Docs via blogs before publishing like this author does: Blog Link. Basically just letting anyone interested preread and comment, seeing what works and what doesn't. It's also easy for people to point out grammar errors like that. Just be sure to set the document sharing to comment only and/or have a backup in case someone messes it up.

[Vaalintine]

Something I not8ced that's rather offputting, is all this calling Rose "She". The fuck is up with that? He said before he was disgusted by being physically female and he still viewed himself as male, so why is he calling himself a she? There's no real reason for doing so, other than to throw away part of who Mark Rose is. If hes going to do that there is no point in him even existing, and no reason why he shouldn't be the Solar Flare that Celestia, Luna, and Twilight said he was. Makes things pointless if the protagonist we followed just doesn't exist anymore.

[Jest]

Its been fun. See you all next year!

[Jest]

I also have no idea whats going on.

[Hein des Nisseroi]

and almost outright glaring at Twilight, From the way

also standing slightly behind Twilight, either way, Rose was a tad put off

making everything into some kind of joke, I mean, I know he isn't a bad pony

"You must be Rose, Discord has told me so much about you

you managed to pull off, I haven't seen him this happy

Rose closed her eyes and smiled, she took a breath of fresh air

and nurse back to health, Discord has told me about your tendencies

Fluttershy answered, her wings twitched at the mention of fire, but she kept her voice steady

(The first comma here)

I'm Pinkie Pie, You must be Rose Flare, It's lovely to meet you, I love what you did with your hair, I'll be going now

(All commas here)

"Do you know her, I don't,

(The last comma here, the first should be a question mark)

you won't have to worry about being able to say goodbye to Green Rose, She has been wondering what happened to you

Fluttershy watched on and smiled to herself, glad that her friend was trying to better herself, she hopes it will go just as smooth

(the second comma here)
I think the comma should be a period.

for quite a while, baring today of course

barring

as they trotted down the dirt path, a large crystal tree castle, sparkling in the distance, clashing somewhat with the rural setting.

a large crystal tree castle (...) clashing somewhat with the rural setting.

I think a few words are missing there (not the ones I omitted).

Throughout the short time, the pony was in her view, Rose was unable to get a word in

The first comma should be removed.

she always seems to know a ponies name

pony's

[Shadow of doubt]

10272630
Hey, thanks for going through the trouble of finding those, I've fixed them all up.
It reads much better now, thanks for the help!

[Hein des Nisseroi]

10272709
You are welcome.

[The Correspondent]

nooooooo... i already have 1.2k chapters of other stories to go through...

in all seriousness, good shit m8.

[sinewystatue382]

so cool do more of this

[dargonax]

Does nobody want to point out that a flaming pony will be going to the the treebrary?

[The A I]

I hope this story returns to the world of the living, its good amd fun to read through

[sinewystatue382]

come on do more chapters

[Relux_the_Relux]

Ah, finally saw the original has a sequel. Time to track this.

[Grey_skies]

I really hope this story continues I've seen to many great work just die with no updates or anything exposing whats going on, so in total I guess what I'm saying is please dont let this sorry die.

(if it does just let us know)

[Shadow of doubt]

10961253
I'm still around, just super busy with other irl things.

I still have the entirety of this story planned.

Just have to go about writing and filling up the details.

[Grey_skies]

10962874
Oh ok

[Rob_Rhapsody]

Hey, why did it take you two years to write only two chapters?

[Rob_Rhapsody]

There aren’t even many words in either! There is no way it should have taken that long to write that small amount!

[Rob_Rhapsody]

Am I going to have to wait a year for each chapter that’s only 300 words?! Cuz that’s ridiculous!

[Shadow of doubt]

10992095
Mostly because I've lost interest in the fandom.
And I have better things I need to be doing.

I've always had something in the back of my mind that I do want to write down for this particular fiction but I'm always extremely busy so I usually leave it by The wayside.

That said writing has never really been my full passion, my mentality behind it is that if I write enough of a fiction and another author comes along and they find the idea interesting enough to start their own variation on said idea that's what I'm after.

[Kichi]

If you abandoned the fandom, you are in your right but... could you kindly put the tag 'cancelled'? Just to avoid people thinking you may continue this

[Shadow of doubt]

11001489
Ill leave it on a hiatus status as I do plan to write more for this some point.
I have drafts and such, but like I said in my previous comments I have other things I have to do that take priority.

[Mahtan]

I see having 15 chapters at ready didn't pan well for you

[Theresa]

Could you please finish this? I want twilight to understand the lesson that letting someone do something wrong when you can try to stop it and don't is just as wrong as doing the bad thing. She gotten this idea that she has to give the appearance of perfection to the world and that isn't good considering her title.

[Nitro19]

Good story, would like to know if or when it gets finished though.