Hey, new chapter is just about ready! · 7:50am Jan 15th, 2020
So, I'm just about done with another chapter. It isn't edited yet, and I'm not sure that I'm all that happy with it, but that's why I show it to you guys before I publish. I sort of need outside feedback, and I'm super grateful that you guys take the time to look it over, and tell me what you think!
Still editing, though, and there's sure to be tons of consistancy mistakes, as I had to redo several of the scenes at least seven different times. Especially that first one, I mean, sheesh, you think I would know how to write for Oberon, or something...
Anyway, here is the link if you want to be my wingpony!
As for me, right now, it is very late, and I need to get to bed. I'll be sure to spend most of tomorrow editing and reviewing any feedback, though, so I will see you then! Goodnight!
Ok, It's first time for me to advice on fimfiction so fell free to disregard my input.
Aside for some little typos, the main issue is dialogue with Oberon. That the longest dialogue points via translation spell in your story. It really is grinding. So my advice is to sorted Oberon speech. Or make that scene from his perspective.(parts before and after the chamber can still be left from her perspective)
I hope that was helpful.
Valerie's discomfort about humanity being viewed as demigods and mythical saviors feels about right, but her confusion about the Greeks and previous human contact doesn't make any sense.
Wouldn't everyone who came to Equis on this expeditionary force been given the 5 minute briefing about ancient Greeks having been to Equis to help them in the past?
5186814 Now that you mention it, it would have been something that Alex would have brought up with Valerie. I'll change it when I've got time.