The New Princess

by guzzyone

Being Crowned

Chapter 2

Being Crowned

3 Hours later, Twilight woke up, in her bed.

"Ugh....Where am i?" She Mumbled.

"Twilight! Twilight! You okay?" Spike asked Twilight.

"Im fine Spike. I just had a dream, that's all." Twilight replied.

"Well, I'm glad your okay, listen, uh, i kinda spreaded the word about you fixing the throne room." Spike said with a smile.

"Wait-You mean what i did in my dream was real?!" Twilight questioned.

"Uh...Yeah...You better go check it out yourself..." Spike said.

"Check what out myself?" Twilight questioned.

Spike ran down to the library and opened the door slowly, suddenly, Millions of ponies ran into the library and took pictures of Twilight.

"What are you doing in my house?! Hey!" Twilight yelled as she was being carried out the door.

And she was being carried into the ceremony in Ponyville where the Mayor was about to speak.

"Attention Citizens of Ponyville! Thanks to a young Green and Purple Dragon, the word has been spreaded around Ponyville about a pony who used her magic to fix Celestia's throne room just today while the dissapearence of Celestia was in hold. And we are about to give the crown to the young pony by the name that is Twilight Sparkle!" The Mayor announced.

Everypony in Ponyville cheered at the top of their lungs.

"Wait a minute, if i were a Princess, i would be wearing a crown right now." Twilight said.

"Go home and look in the Elements of Harmony page, dear." The Mayor whispered in Twilight's ear.

"Wait a minute, why should I--"

"Three cheers for Twilight Sparkle!" Mayor Interrupted.

So Twilight Sparkle went inside her home and got the Elements of Harmony book out and Twilight couldn't believe what she saw. Sparks on her Tiara!

"Uh...Why is your Tiara glowing?" Spike asked Twilight.

"I don't know!" Twilight said.

Suddenly, Twilight's Tiara was floating and landed on her head, suddenly, there were millions of sparks around her and Twilight was floating over her house, suddenly grew wings and she and her horn was growing bigger and shiny Golden shoes appeared on her and her mane and tale was growing and becoming more shinier and was floating. And her voice became softer and a little bit deeper. She landed safely on her hooves and looked at herself.

"Me? A Princess? I don't know if i should do this...." Twilight said as she used her magic to take off her crown. "I have alot of stuff to do. Infact, I don't even know how to cast magic to raise or lower the sun. Or Reverse any other magic!"

"You can do it Twilight! I know you can!" Pinkie Cheered.

"Pinkie?"

"Yup!"

"Oh My! You look amazing darling!" Rarity said.

"You look amazing Twilight! Im sure you'll be awesome as a Princess!" RainbowDash said.

"Umm....I agree with Rainbow. You look beautiful." Fluttershy said.

Twilight Sighed and said
"Okay. I think i can do this."

Her friends cheered with happiness

"Attention Everypony! Since I am the new Princess, i will be called 'Princess Twilight Sparkle'" Twilight announced to Everypony as they cheered.

So Twilight Sparkle became Princess for 10 years.

"Oh Hi Rainbow. How did do on that show?" Princess Twilight asked Rainbow.

"Amazing!" Rainbow replied as she took off her goggles.

"And how are you doing Princess?"

"Just fine Rainbow."

"Hey, do you remember 10 years ago when you became Princess?" Rainbow asked her.

"Indeed I do Rainbow." Twilight replied.

"Hey, I think maybe we should find Princess Celestia, i kinda miss her." Fluttershy suggested.

"Oh, Please, I think she's Okay." Twilight said.

"Okay, Partner, really? We've been friends for what-Like 10 or 11 years now, and we never saw Celestia since. And i suggest we should find her." Applejack suggested.

"Okay. Let's go find Celestia!" Princess Twilight said.

So The Mane six went to find Celestia.

Comments

[unavailable]

You need to make a new paragraph whenever a new character talks. It makes the entire story sound confusing and rushed. Each chapter is just a huge block of text.

[guzzyone]

65706 Give me a chance. I'm new

[Inkblu]

Sllllloooowwwww ddddoooowwwwnnnnnn yyyyoooooouuuuurrrrr cccchhhhaaaapptteeerrssssss.

[Celestias Paladin]

65722
Guzzy that is one excuse I won't take, breaking up the text and starting a new paragraph when a different character speaks is basic English. We aren't trying to be mean, we are trying to help

[sneef]

One word. Indent. Pleaaaaase indent. It hurts me physically every time you do not indent. Also, slow down. Slow..... Down.... You can't convey emotions when you're telling the reader seven or eight things at once. Do try to follow our advice.

[sneef]

65750 Exactly. I have seen new authors write much better than this; so it's not really an excuse to just 'be new'. Then again, new is the time you make many mistakes. And, henceforth, the more mistakes you make, the more you learn.

[LOLicorn]

LOVIN IT!

65722
I beg of you, improve your grammar and punctuation.
its not hard to read, its just really confusing and walls of text deter readers.
And you might hurt me for saying this but, your writing skill seems like that of a elementary schooler, it needs improvement before I try reading anymore.

[Sweetie_Belle_Derelle]

Excellent story, but:

instruction.greenriver.edu/avery/activities/tech/images/Enter_Key.jpg

Spacing is the only problem

[danabler42]

65722 you're doing fine, you just need to , as they say, break op the paragraphs. i myself had just started a fic, titled "secret lightning", and the first chapter was the same way. but then i got used to breaking the paragraphs, and separating dialogue. you'll get the hang of it on no time!

[RandomExpert781]

65722 Look at the comment made by Sunstar on your previous chapter. That is what your story should look like.
65757 Smart words, man.
65942 HA HA HA, good one!

[Super]

As stated preiviously, DESPERATELY needs to have a few presses of ENTER.

Will follow because i'm wondering where you'll take the story, but wont rate just yet.

[sneef]

65966 that's right... Stroke my ego like a kitten! MWAHAHA! Just kidding. In all seriousness, though, I come fresh from Equestria Daily. It's hard to survive out there, you know. I may very well just be parroting prereaders there, but personal experiance is the best experience, I suppose. If you don't learn the hard way, in publishing stories at least, there is no easy way. So here's hoping the author actually reads these, eh?

(Also, loving the emoticons here. They're great. Third post ever for the win!)

"Give me a chance. I'm new $smiley"

Plenty of guides out there (on the internet) on how to write good stories... not to mention use good grammar. If you didn't do your research on HOW to write a story you were kind of asking for it.

Not to mention if you read stories other people wrote, you would THINK you MIGHT have an idea what a fic is supposed to look like. (Mostly talking about paragraphs there)

[Wing Zero 032]

COOL YOUR JETS DUDE!, YOU'RE GOING AT LUDICOUS SPEED!!!

[Minitheif]

66233 Don't go plaid! Plaid text is impossible to read!

[Tiedye3000]

65942 Ohider, Derelle!

[Tiedye3000]

If you need help on writing, I have some really good stories that could give you an idea about grammar, spelling, and anything else you need help with. Just don't read The Perfect Pet, that's awful.

*Grammar Police incoming!*

This is my own personal opinion, and I hope you aren't offended, but, well... you kind of write like a third grader... Don't get mad at me! I'm just saying, this story has potential, but you NEED to make paragraphs, use better punctuation, and I'm pretty sure you've heard this, but you capitalize at the BEGINNING of a sentence, or capitalize the name of something. I'm sorry, but when people make mistakes, it just... Ugh. It just throws me off. I'm sorry.
Enough about your grammar issues. Besides the grammar, this story is great. Great plot-line (No, not like that!) And I like the basic idea. But I must say, what about Luna? I know, I should stop the nit-picking, but I can't help it. Wouldn't Luna take over when Celestia's gone? Again, I know I should stop picking at every little detail I don't like, but it's in my nature to criticize things. I'll stop this before you get any more mad then you probably are. Like I said, this story is great, but it has a lot more potential. I'm sorry.

[Discorded Q]

*sigh... Am I needed again?

Ah 'spoze I have time for ONE story before I have to get off.

[GwenTheWelshGal]

*imagines Pinkie Pie as Princess*

Where did the whiskey go?

[Sunstar]

Being new is no excuse for this. I'm new to the site and I am a professional autor. We are not trying to be mean here. We are trying to help you get better. Right now this looks like something from an elementery school student. Writing may not be your talent, but don't give up just because some people provide critism.

[lol1759]

^ what they said

[Super]

You could very easily combine the first two chapters... just saying.

[Ice]

65722 eh don't most people tget that form their first fic.

Hello.
I just wanted to point some things out, if that's okay (I'm not about to flame you, I just want to put some things clear).
It's great that you concidered ''fixing'' the story. This time, however, before you re-post the chapters, get a Beta-reader. If you don't know what that is, then let me explain.
A Beta-reader is basically someone that reads your chapters before you announce them finnished, prefferably an actual author, a language teacher, or someone you know is a good author. What this person does when he/she reads your chapter, is that he/she either: gives you feedback, comments, stuff like that, OR: edits your chapter. My experience with Beta-readers is that they simply point out the wrongs, and tells you how to fix it, along with giving you advice, and sometimes ''praise'' for good work.
So basically, it takes a little longer to get your chapters finished, but it's totally woth the wait for the readers (worth the weight).
Some fine points of advice:
When I write stories, I try to keep my chapters at least 2000 words long (I think that my longest chapter was about 7000-8000 words this far, I'm on my first actual fan-fic too :P). What I mean is that you should combine your two chapters that you've written, and then add in details, describtions, etc.
And as others have pointed out; SLOW. DOWN. Describe surroundings, what ponies feel when they see something, write longer sentences with a variety of words. Always try to find an actual meaning behind things that happens, when it actally happens (hinting at that Twilight gave no reason to why she actually wanted to read that speciffic book abou ''fixing things''). And also, try to give your book about ''fixing things'' a name. I think that Essan "EssMan" Manar gave a pretty good title for it.
I like the story itself, but as I think we all can agree, it needs work. But follow my advice, get a Beta-reader! It's for both your own good, as it helps you learn, and for the good of the readers. (Also, you won't be hearing so mutch critisism on the comment page, if they are better in the beginning.)
Anyways, I salute you, fellow author, as I take the batmobile to my hideout, the paperbag.
Bye!

This fast-paced writing reminds me of Full Life Consequences, the Half-Hile Fanfic

[mew4ever23]

Mind your pacing and your spacing. More descriptions would be nice. Also, quick note - Chapter 1. When you say "Kingdom" I think you actually mean "Castle". Kingdoms refer to land under rule by royalty (and they don't have roofs).

[Discorded Q]

68536 what's an autor?

This Fic pleases the trollestia

27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llnyajC7if1qj1mtmo1_400.png

[Ducreux'ed]

158304
Agreed, this is the ONLY possible explanation other then complete retardation.

[Anonymo]

I suggest spacing it out more.
Also, whenever a character talks, you have to start a new paragraph.
Oh, also I think you should take it about 10x slower <- no exaggeration.