Hoops, Yoyo, and Piddles are in the forest, they spot a white alicorn (Princess Celestia) flying above them! And run, but Hoops climbs up a tree, Hoops gets down but his backpack on him is stuck, Yoyo free hims and they fall but before they land, Celestia catched them while flying, Till then, Hoops, Yoyo, and Piddles fall off Celestia and fall through Zecora's house and lands in her cauldron and turns into ponies, now they need the help of Twilight's friends of what they should do while Zecora makes an antidote. But when Twilight checks up with Zecora on making the antidote, Zecora mentions that the antidote will work if Hoops, Yoyo, and Piddles haven't been ponies for 1 whole day. So Twilight goes and warns Hoops & Yoyo about being ponies for 1 whole day. So Zecora must hurry and get done with the antidote or else Hoops & Yoyo and Piddles will be ponies forever.
Will Hoops and Yoyo be back to normal on time?
Please keep this going! It's hilarious!
It's...nice.
Ok, you really want to know?
If this is a trollfic, its an instant five stars. If not...
Positives:
-There aren't that many glaringly obvious spelling mistakes that I can see.
Negatives:
-I can't tell if there are spelling mistakes because the whole thing is a wall of text that is difficult to read. Paragraph spacing is key. At the very least start a new paragraph every time a different character is speaking. It makes the whole thing more presentable.
-Long winded summary. The summary is meant to grab the attention of the readers, advertise why your story is so much better than the others around it. Long summarys can be good if they are written well, but you pretty much put the whole of the first chapter in there.
-Numerous grammatical errors. I could spend all day picking out examples, so here is just one: 'So Hoops, Yoyo, and Piddles were helping making cupcakes to burn time'. Is english your first language? Because you can't string 'helping' and 'making' together like that, it just doesn't make sense. I strongly recommend checking, double checking and triple checking your work before you submit it. Better yet, get someone else to read through it for you. Even the best writers make mistakes and have to edit things later, but this kind of thing really should be ironed out right from the get go.
-Punctuation errors are in there too. Starting words with a capital letter that don't need it is quite prevalent, or saying 'i' instead of 'I'. Again, get someone else to read through it.
-Now for the actual plot. Oh, boy. Well, 'Hoops, Yoyo and Piddles' are just kind of dropped out of nowhere in the first chapter. We are given no information about them other than that one is a green rabbit, one is a pink cat, and one is a blue mouse (and the descriptions are so confusing I'm still not sure which one is which), they all know each other, and are capable of speech. No information is given about their backgrounds. Why are they such unusual colours for their species? How do they know each other? How did they come to be in Everfree forest? How did they gain the ability of speech when most other species from the show save Ponies, Griffons and Dragons seem to lack it?
-Why is Twilight, well known for being an intelligent and highly curious pony, so quick to dismiss their (admitedly unlikely) story and dump them off on one of her friends? Would she not be more likely to try and logically assess the situation, to detirmine whether or not their story is true, to gather as much detail on the event as possible, and suggest a solution?
-Why the sudden obssession with 'burning time'? Do they not want to find a solution to their problem anymore? And, it gets grating hearing the same phrase used repeatedly. If you have to have a character repeating themselves, make them say it in a slightly different way to mix it up a little.
Oh wow. I don't think I can analyse the plot any more. It hurts my head. Final point:
-The pictures. Um. Custom artwork for a story is usually looked upon favourably, and illustrated stories can be very entertaining if pulled off right. But um...I'm trying to say this as nice as possible: those drawings are hideous. Seriously.
If this is a trollfic, then it was masterfully played and I tip my virtual hat to you. If it isn't, then you seriously need to take some writing classes.
But, um...whatever you want to do is fine...
Please keep this alive!!! It's very funny!