My Little Pony: The Black Temple

Our six equine heroes rally together to battle a force the likes of which the Shadowmare Valley has never seen before.

Story was originally published on Equestria Daily on May 21, 2011. It was written by myself for the Equestria Gaming's Crossover contest (and I'm pretty sure I lost).

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/05/story-my-little-pony-black-temple.html

Chapters (3)

A Parting of Ways · 10th Jul 2011 · 264 words
264
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The Great and Powerful... · 10th Jul 2011 · 842 words
842
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Darkness Rising · 10th Jul 2011 · 692 words
692
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Midnight Moon

Midnight Moon #1 · Sep 25th, 2011 · · · Darkness Rising ·

This is, by far, one of the most interesting stories I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Which makes it far more obvious that it is WAY too short. The fact that you skipped all of the bosses along the way to Illidan/Nightmare Moon was nearly painful. And making Fluttershy a rogue and Pinkie Pie a hunter? Bad choice. If they switched roles, it would be much better, or if you made Fluttershy a druid instead.

Fluttershy as a rogue, especially in the way you portrayed her, just goes against her nature. Rogues are assassins, and, frankly, Fluttershy being evil enough to kill ponies in cold blood, in such a stealthy manner, just doesn't make sense. As a hunter, she would be able to make great friends with all kinds of animals, which seems much more like her. Being a druid, on the other hand, does the same thing, plus add a much deeper connection with nature, and adds the option of her healing her friends as well, even if you have Rarity filling that role as the priest.

I understand your reasoning for making Pinkie a hunter. Gummy as a pet makes sense, and the traps could be her "party favors" or pranks, but I think she'd fit better as a rogue. She's random and full of tricks, and Rogues have plenty of tricks up their sleeves (would ponies have sleeves?). And as the one with the most access to, well, everything, I'm sure she'd be able to find a few poisons somewhere. Although, I admit it's hard to imagine her being quite like a rogue. But she still manages to get to allot of places without anyone knowing how. That could explain the stealthing powers rogues have

And if your going to make an Icecrown Citadel raid, like you hinted, then you better come up with a good back story for it. One big theme near the end of the fight has to do with Arthas's farther breaking out of the sword to confront his son and rez the raid after he insta-kills them. For whoever you're going to have as The Lich King, you're going to need to make a father/mother for him/her. And since the only parent types I've seen in the show are Mr. and Mrs. Cake (and possibly Chief Thunderhooves for Little Strongheart, but I have trouble seeing that little thing as the Lich King), you're going to need to make an OC pony for it, possibly two if you can't decide on a good character for him in the original cast.

Or, if you're going to turn the Icecrown Citadel dungeon into the raid, you'll need to give the Arthas pony a love interest, if you're doing this from an Alliance perspective (Jaina), or a reasonably pissed off undead pony, if you're doing it form a Horde perspective (Sylvanas). I understand, creating either would be a difficult task, but if you want to go for realism, one or the other will have to be made.

And as long as I'm on the subject, which side are the Mane 6 on: Alliance or Horde? Alliance seems more civilized and understanding, fitting the pony culture, but the Horde is far more connected to nature, suiting well with an Equestria so connected to the world around them. Although the Night Elves are the most nature-based race in the game, fitting the farming-based ponies with the mining-based Dwarves and technology-based Gnomes doesn't make much sense to this brony.

Of course, the last is assuming that there even are different races or even factions in your story. You could get away with saying that all the ponies work together in the world you made up, or even just divide two groups into the different factions, but I don't see how you would be able to bring in the different races (besides the Undead Forsaken). Feel free to just forget the other races, that was just me rambling.

But, all things considered, you made this into a very interesting crossover. Personally, I didn't think a WoW/MLP:FiM could work! Ponies just don't seem violent enough for stuff like that. The little bit at the end was especially clever! You defiantly have skill, but you might need to work a bit more on lengthiness, and keeping the ponies in character, but otherwise, you're good all over.

iFiredone