• Member Since 13th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 47 minutes ago

ShowShine


Trans 🏳️‍⚧️ He/Him| Just trying my best|Commissions are 10 USD per chapter. Dm me if you have any questions

T

After the Princesses, Starlight, and the mane six die in a tragic accident, Spike has to take the throne.


Rewrite on it's way! Hopefully it'll be out by 2024

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 125 )

*Reads description*
"Holy crap, ALL of them!!!???"

Eh, I'm not sure how I feel so far. It feels like three or four chapters were condensed into one. There was no time for anything to really sit or impact me because the moment something happened, the line of thought instantly got shoved in a new direction.

And I'm still kinda confused as to what exactly happened to everypony you killed. Who did the deed?

In spite of my complaints, I kinda enjoyed this. I look forward to seeing where this leads.

9463181
I do agree that I rushed this, but I couldn’t think of any other way to have this in at least two chapters. Now for who turned everyone into stone, now that remains a mystery.

Do you mean Celestia adopted son?

9478052
Once Twilight got old enough, she adopted Spike from Celestias care.

9478149
Excuse me, how long until the next chapter is going to be here?.

9504736
Okay, I understand.

I'll look forward to see Spike's coronation as king of equestria, I had no doubt that Ember and her father will be here as well.

9504831
Embers dad isn't going to be there, but Ember will show up in the next chapter, along with Thorax

9504840
I see, and did Thorax and Ember heard what happened to Twilight and the others?.

9504865
They did and since they’re so close to Spike, they’re the first once to visit

9504867
Okay and one more thing, how did Ember and Thorax feel about Spike as he going to be the king of equestria?.

9504870
They were mainly shocked but proud. In future chapters, they come over and help him with leadership.

9504873
I see, but however I'm concern about Blueblood.

I'm hope that Garble does not appeared,

9504883
Bluebloods gonna be salty for a while. If Garble shows back up in the series, which I heard he is, I’ll add him in a t some point.

9504884
You made your point, but what will Garble react when he heard that Spike is going to be the king of equestria?.

9504890
He’ll probably make fun of him for loving ponies so much that he became the king of ponies.

9504892
I see, but Garble has no idea that make fun of Spike for loving ponies will be his big mistake because of Spike's guard.

9504895
Spike would rarely use his guard for anything like basic hecklers, but he’ll probably just walk away from Garble when his back is turned.

9504900
You made your point.

One more questions, are the cutie mark crusaders going to be here for Spike's coronation as king of equestria?, I had no doubt they will had lovely dress.

9504908
They’re going to be there and after the coronation they’ll all be very close friends and the cmc come to the castle once a week to hang out.

9504913
Okay, let us know when the next chapter appeared this week.

9504917
Seeing the rate I’m writing at now, I might be finshied before 2 am

9504921
Okay and just to let you know that I had added The New King to my favorite stories.

9504927
A new chapter has been posted

9506647
Very nice for the chapter and whoever did this to Twilight and the others is still out there.

What did Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle react about this?.

9506658
In the next chapter Applebloom, just like Applejack, holds in her emotions for a long time. Sweetie Belle is really upset and has been crying since she found out. Scootaloo is in a depressive state because she’s an orphan and Rainbow Dash was the only one she could look up to.

9506665
Okay I agreed with that, but I'm concern about who would did this to Princess Twilight and the others and why.

9506683
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out who to choose on who did this to them, but the reason they did it was power.

9506687
Okay none the less, I can't wait to see Spike's coronation as the king of Equestria. Since Ember and Thorax is here, is Pharynx going to be here?, and did he heard the news of what happened to Twilight and the others?.

9506703
I never even thought about Pharynx but I can add him in. At this point, everyone in Equestria knows what happened. They don’t know how, but all they know is that the Princesses are dead.

9506707
I see.

Thorax and Ember are not only the ones to heard the news, did Queen Novo, her daughter, her nephew and her niece find out about this?.

9506718
Yes, all of the leaders found out and will be attending the coronation/funeral

9506719
I see, but what did Skystar react when she find out about what happened to Pinkie Pie?.

9506723
She cried very loudly for a long time.

9506725
While the leaders attend Spike's coronation and since Mr and Mrs. Cake are here in this chapter, what did Pinkie Pie's family react when they heard what happened?, and so is Fluttershy's family and Rainbow Dash's parents.

9506745
Pinkies parents cried, Maud barely let any tears slip, Limestone stayed up all night punching rocks, and Marble locked herself in her room. While Fluttershy’s parents are distraught, Zephyr is draping over furniture and dramatically crying. With Rainbow Dash’s parents, they’re in the same state as Scootaloo. That was there number one child who they worshipped constantly.

9506747
Nice, those families are devastated when they learn what happened. But speaking of which, I know that Applebloom holds in her emotions for a long time, what about the rest of Apple family and the Pear family?, how did they react of what happened to Applejack?.

9506759
Granpear and Granny Smith are already devastated that they lost there children, and now they feel even worse that there grandchild died. Big Mac was up all night trying to comfort those two, but they kept blaming themselves.

9506765
I see and speaking of which, I had a feeling that Twilight and Shining's parents find out what happened, and did they attend Spike's Coronation as well?.

9506773
They did find out, they were actually one of the first because they live the closest and both of there children are royalty. All friends and close family will attend the coronation/funeral.

9506776
At least the families of the mane six will attended Spike's coronation, however I'm concern about if Garble attended Spike coronation, my only hope that he better be not do stupid.

9506784
He won’t attend the coronation, but he will appear after a little while.

9506785
Okay, and let us know when the next chapter going to be here.

So sad, please update sometime.

9506788
A new chapter has been uploaded

9526749
The coronation is success and Poor Sunburst is devastated about what happened to Starlight.

Sad but sweet i very much enjoyed this chapter.

I really like this story, the plot is spot on and the concept is interesting. The characters feel compelling and the prose of the story is pretty solid as far as fanfiction goes. The tone the story sets it spot on. I like it.

There are a few minor things I'd like to point out though. For one the pacing is a bit awkward at times, like during the transition between Spike making his speech to the Crystal Empire and talking to Starswirl. Its so sudden even though there was clear build up. On a side note the speech is also akward, for a person in his position he seems so unhesitant to make the speech and although he's nervous his mannerisms don't reflect that at all. Another example is like during the Coronation afterwards he is described to have almost cried but I didn't really catch that as it wan't empasized. Inserting some breaks that describe his mannerismsin text would help.

Another thing I noticed is the frequent use of "said" after diologue. Mix it up a little but not too much.

Additionally the characters are sometime out of character at times and I'm assuming there's supposed to be some large internal conflict with Spike but it feels like we're just getting a large ammount of exposition, which is fine considering that the plot is just starting off but again the pacing feels weird with that too. It just feels like Spike is just kinda emotionless or is too nonchalant at times. You really get that emotional verbrosity you'd expect from somthing so tragic, theres no emotional build up at all.

These are just some criticisms and of course my longform analysis probrobly isn't spot on but these are just things I've noted. I really enjoy what you've got and of course I'll be following it. I understand that improving is a gradual process and that it takes time. So I hope that this critcism instead of "Me like story, write more!" is of valuable to you.

9526938
New chapter is here

Login or register to comment