Hues: The Haphazard Tale of Lilac Dreams

by Jet Cannon

Chapter Three: in which the Protagonist tries to salvage His bad first impression

I sat at a table in the local bakery, one “Sugarcube Corner”, and nervously looked between the two mares sat side-by-side across from me. Both of them were semi-scowling at me, which was, whilst understandable, not a particularly pleasant experience. A mare scorned, et al, which I briefly considered very unfair. I mean, come on, I’d just wing-bonered at the mere sight of them both dressed up fancy. Shouldn’t they feel some degree of compliment at that? But then I remembered an important detail which set me right again: I had just wing-bonered at the mere sight of them dressed up fancy.

I should perhaps fill you in on what happened directly afterwards:

I was mortified, Rarity was stunned and somewhat sore from her impromptu trip to the floor, and Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash both looked at me with faces perfectly expressing their fluctuating desires of wishing themselves dead and wishing me dead. I had just made an awful first impression.

“I am so sorry!” It was my turn to apologise to Rarity now, as I quickly forced down my still quivering wings and helped the stricken Unicorn to her hooves once more.

“No, no, it is quite alright,” she assured me, somewhat shakily, but her confidence soon grew again as some of her excitement from before crept back into her voice.

“It was my fault you were so, ah, distracted before, and besides,” she said, turning now to the crimson-faced mares modelling her designs, “girls, if that wasn’t a positive response to your dresses then I don’t know what else could be!” I gawped a little as she clapped her forehooves together excitedly, and I think her friends did similarly.

“Ooh! They are so nearly perfect I can almost taste it! Alright, you two, I don’t think I’ll be needing you anymore today, but this stallion here is the one Fluttershy mentioned this morning. I’ll just get you both out of your clothes and you can all go and discuss things!”

Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope…

“I’ll wait outside!” I screeched from halfway through the changing room door as I galloped for the exit as fast as my hooves could take me, hoping they hadn’t seen my cheeks redden even more as my mind, unbidden, pictured them undressing.

I don’t think I’ve ever been closer to a heart attack in my life!

---

And so we all left the Boutique and came here, at the mares’ suggestion. Neither talked much during the short walk, and about the only words either directed towards me were a muttered collection of “Sugarcube Corner” and “coffee”. They had both availed themselves of different types of said beverage from a pretty but ridiculously bouncy (and literally bouncing, somehow) pink mare behind the counter who seemed to know them both very well. Frighteningly enough she seemed about to pounce on me, crying out something along the lines of “NEW PONY!” with outstretched hooves, but a glare from Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle soon put her in her place and she left us alone. Whether this was a good thing or not I don’t know, but she certainly would have provided a distraction from the awkwardness.

“Can I get you two anything else?” I asked hesitantly, in an effort to break the silence and try to seem friendly.

“More,” they said in unison, pushing their empty mugs towards me.

“Sure, right away!” I swiped the mugs up with my wingtips, which I noticed got a small glance from my fellow Rainbow Pegasus, and carried them briskly over to the counter.

The pink mare from before had been replaced by an older, shorter, blue mare with a pink mane. She, luckily enough, didn’t seem quite so willing to jump on me as her younger employee, and instead smiled sweetly at me as I deposited the two mugs before her and asked for refills. She provided a welcome distraction from the hostility I faced at my table, as I noticed that even here was evidence of Ponyville’s high mare attractiveness levels. Certainly the proprietor was several years older than me and I would never dream of actually making a move on her, but if she has foals then she definitely classes as a “yummy mummy”.

Unfortunately she noticed me watching.

“I’m flattered by the attention, young man, but I think you should know that I’m married!” She giggled at my flustered expression and held up a hoof to cut off my protests.

“I’m sorry, dearie, I couldn't resist playing with you a bit." She eyed me curiously as she finished pouring the coffees, finally saying:

"Is anything wrong, dear? You're looking quite haggard, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I am? Huh, I suppose that's not too surprising. I came to town specifically to seek the aid of Miss Sparkle and Miss Dash with a personal problem, and I managed to embarrass us all rather badly when we met." She smiled knowingly, but instead of giving some advice she called out a name:

"Pinkie Pie!" Instantly the pink mare from before was at her side. I don't know where she came from, or how she got there without me noticing her en route, but neither acted as if this was anything but normal.

"Yes Mrs Cake?" This Miss Pie had on the largest smile I had seen all day as she looked me over, and as I remembered again what she had tried to do earlier I instinctively took a step back.

"This poor colt seems to have made an ass of himself in front of some of your friends, how about you help him get back in their good books?"

"Okie doky loki!" And with that she was off, singing and bouncing around the whole shop in a fashion I later learned (with some horror) was customary for her.

~Twilight and dear Rainbow Dash, whatever shall I do?~
~I’m trying to get this poor colt here a little help from you!~
~It’s not his fault he lost control, that’s down to Rarity,~
~She ran her hooves along him in a fashion ecstasy!~

~He was pushed in on you unwillingly,~
~Once he’d been looked upon quite thrillingly!~
~And then he saw you all dressed up,~
~And he just couldn’t handle all the build-up!~

~And so with all this trouble I’m quite sure he’s had enough,~
~How about you let him off, it wouldn’t be so tough!~

~Because after all, believe it or not,~

"He clearly thinks you're pretty hot." This last line was spoken conspiratorially in a deep baritone that even I could not have replicated. Amazingly, the entire room had just become brighter and happier, and it was with great relief that I saw Rainbow and Twilight looking in my direction and actualy smiling!

"I guess it's not fair to be mad at you," the Unicorn said.

"Yeah, it's not as if you could have helped it, seeing as we're both completely awesome and all." The Pegasus grinned cockily at me and I grinned back, then at Twilight.

"Thanks you guys, and thinks Pinkie Pie." I looked at their manic friend, who was somehow wearing an even bigger smile on her face than before.

"I have no idea how you knew half of that stuff you just sang about considering that you weren't there for it-"

"Don't question it, it's Pinkie Pie." Her friends laughed as they said it whilst Pinkie nodded sagely.

"-but I'm terrible at awkward social things and I don't know how long it would have taken me to sort that out."

"No problemo, NPBBFD!" Ye whut?

"Ye whut?" I repeated out loud. Everypony else stared in similar confusion.

"New pony best buddy forever, duh!" she giggled. There was a collective "Ah!" of comprehension, before Pinkie quickly appeared directly in front of me with an absolutely adorable puppy-dog expression and meekly asked:

"I mean, we are friends now, right?" Trembling bottom lip and everything. Well, that escalated quickly.

"Uh, yeah, sure we are!"

"Woohoo!" She zipped out of sight suddenly and returned hefting a sizeable blue cannon above her head.

"Then you ponies know what time it is!" Plopping the cannon onto the ground before her (trust me, somehow that's the only word which can adequately describe the motion), she raised a hoof above the switch on its back in readiness.

"It's time for the 'New Pony in Town and New Best Buddy of Pinkie Pie Party!' With our guest of honour-" She stopped in mid-strike, hoof mere inches above the button. Frankly I wasn't sure what this strange device was going to do and thought a distraction might have been no bad thing.

"Oh my gosh, you guys! We don't even know his name yet!" Huh, oh yeah, about that... need we really? Prepare thyself, Lilac, thou art about to be laughed at.

"Well that's not very fair!" Rainbow Dash swooped overhead and looked down at me expectantly, a smile on her face.

"Um, need I really?"

"Of course you do, it's one of the basic things a pony has to do when they meet somepony else! Even I know that!" Twilight had stepped up as well, and now the shop's entire roster of current patrons was looking at me expectantly and calling out various words of encouragement.

"It's kind of embarrassing..." I scuffed a hoof along the floor, but they were having none of it.

"Alright! Alright!" I cleared my throat. "My name is... Lilac Dreams."

"What was that?" asked Twilight.

"Lilac Dreams."

"Try again?" Pinkie grinned.

"Lilac Dreams."

"For buck's sake, just spit it out already!" Guess who?

"LILAC DREAMS!" I scrunched my eyes closed, opening one just a crack and peering at the assembled crowd.

Nopony was laughing. That was odd.

Still, shan't complain- And then the room burst into hysterics. Buck my life.

“You’re called…you’re called…Lilac…Lilac Dreams!?” Rainbow Dash may well have sustained bruising as she fell to the floor from her elevated position, but if she was in any pain from the fall then it was clearly outweighed by her mirth. Rofl indeed.

“Quite. Could we perhaps be adult about this and move on?” Oddly enough, aid came from none other than Pinkie Pie, who was herself still somewhat red in the face but seriously trying to reign herself in.

“Yeah, come on everypony, it’s not fun if everypony can’t share the joke. Laughing at someone isn’t as nice as laughing with them. I should know.” Slowly everypony calmed down and went back to their various pastries, leaving me “alone” with Twilight, Rainbow and Pinkie.

“Wait a minute!” Pinkie suddenly exclaimed. “Now that we know your name, we can get down to partying!”

“Pinkie wait!” I stopped her from firing the cannon just in time. “Not that I don’t think a party would be very nice, and generous of you, it’s just that I’ve only got a few days of leave from my job and I’d like to get down to what I came here for in the first place.” She was disappointed, but then she brightened up again and said:

“Aw, ok. Well, just means we’ll have to have your party later!” The cannon dissolved into thin air, which is literally impossible for a solid metal object to do so I just ignored it to save my sanity.
Pinkie went back to the counter. Rainbow and Twilight both turned their attention to me (with no explanation for the cannon incident), and the latter said:

“Well, from what Fluttershy told us you’ve got a pretty interesting story, Mr Dreams.” Rainbow sniggered helplessly, mouthing a “sorry” to the both of us as we looked at her. I have to admit, despite the source of her amusement she does have a cute laugh, and the slightly pouting glare Twilight put on was also rather adorable, and then it came back to me that I was in the presence of two extremely attractive mares and I suddenly felt myself start to sweat.

“Then let’s get back to our table and start getting down to the facts!” Twilight smiled happily and turned around, followed by Rainbow. I gulped and made the very deliberate effort not to look at their swaying rears as we walked.