The name's Dash. (Previously Ronnie) And I write humanized pony stories. Welcome to my humble page.
Tired from reoccurring nightmares, Sunset reluctantly enters a haunted house with her friends on Halloween night. The girls get split up, and Sunset ends up face to face with the person she used to be. Can she face the monster she sees in the mirror?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I just log into FimFiction and there is your story, which looks already much interesting ❤💛
Will be pleased to read it after my donation ;)
awsome! I love it, such a cool way for sunset to face her past.
As always, I loved it.
Just keep going with being yourself here, and if it makes you feel a bit better.
Great story as always!
A good story indeed, holding up a mirror to an aspect of Sunset which isn't always considered.
Haven't read a story by you in a little while. It was cute.
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Holy crap! That means so much coming from you! Thank you!
I know it's supposed to be like an off-brand Overwatch or something, but all that name brings to mind for me are those weirdos that take pictures up girls' skirts.
9264426
Haha! Yeah it does sound kind of sketchy doesnt it?
Not to be confused with indie hit Overtale.
I mean... yes, since the monster took the name "Adam Frankenstein," but that's because he was Doctor Frankenstein's son in a sense.
Also, I suppose the Fall Formal was in November if Sci-Twi's here. It does make sense that Sunset would have flashbacks as she approached the anniversary of her dark ascension.
In any case, this was good character exploration, but it felt kind of rushed. The actual conflict feels almost drowned out by the build-up and resolution. I can forgive a lot when Sunlight's involved, but this still ended up feeling a bit shallow. Still, thank you for it.
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and I could see why this would feel a little rushed, I tried to pace it as best as possible but I might make a few changes later on. Just to make it flow better.
Overtale
This is a good story, but is unfortunately rough around the edges. There are numerous grammar errors and over-used words that make this feel like a first draft. Have you done any proof reading on this fic?
If not, I'm happy to be of service and help with editing. You have a good knack for portraying emotions and escalating drama, especially when it comes to Sunset and Twilight's relationship. It's a shame that the grammar errors hold it back, because there's a really sweet story in here.
Let me know if you want any help or more specific critiques :).
Cool story bro, but it needs more demons. And maybe some revisions for pacing and word choice. Still, SunLight.
Good story.
I was expecting a quip at Rainbow about wanting to see blood.
Nice little halloween snippet
Great story!
Wait, how old is Sunset compared to the other girls?