Lyra Heartstrings' instrument of choice is an odd one, for a pony, at least. Then again, she had an odd teacher, too. When that teacher's legacy leads to Lyra being summoned before the High Council of the Griffin Empire, a desperate for work Gilda accepts a job as bodyguard for the unicorn, and the two become involved in events far larger than they ever could have imagined.
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Ooh, nice idea.
Lyra and Gilda? Interesting.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
This will get interesting.
Tracked and faved.
hmm.. could have potential, will track.... for now.
i will look at this....LATER!
yep.... finally something original :D
Really cool looking story. Got me excited! Imma follow up on it.
Allow me to say I am completely and utterly hooked. Lyra and Gilda. Adventures in the Griffin Homeland. Expanding tiny bits of background detail into full fledged story. Wonderful characterization. Chapter Title Pun. A username calling yourself a lurker. This is like, a godamn checklist of things to appeal to me. Please continue.
Where'd you get the name Stormtalon?
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I made it up. It's thematically appropriate for the place, for multiple reasons. You'll see later on, once the story gets there. (And no, It isn't a WH40K reference, since I'm not overly familiar with it and only learned of the usage of the term there later.)
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It's just that Storm Talon is the name of a character in the TVTropes Just For Fun Daring Do page. Who's a griffon.
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Huh, I had completely forgotten about that. Which is strange, because I was more or less there for the character's creation (though I wasn't directly involved, I just hang out in the TV Tropes thread a lot). Perhaps it was subconscious? In any case, this story has nothing to do with that, so it's just a coincidence.
Just curious if it was a coincidence or possibly just subconscious.
MOAR!
Loved the character development, and the two questions. I assume the questions will be important in the future?
More and more questions and it seems like they only get further and further away from finding an answer. It would be really nice to finally see Gilda let go of her ways and come to the realization that Rainbow Dash did in the Wonderbolts Academy episode.
Huh, this is interesting so far. Lyra and Gilda is an interesting character combination.
Also, you have "Gilda" misspelled as "Gidla" at one point.
Quite interesting. I like the way you've developed Lyra's backstory. Kinda wish we knew more about Gilda's history, but I'm sure you'll get to that.
Very interesting so far. I like the hints about the backstory and the interactions between Lyra and Gilda.
Also +1 for the apparent Kansas reference.
Gilda and Lyra are OTP
Haha, just kidding. What a coincidence, my story has them paired up together too. Not romantically.
Shouldnt this be 'The Griffin Aprentice'?
Finally, someone who can write!
Awesome job so far. I'm definitely sticking around for the rest of this.
I hope to see more character development in Gilda as the story progresses.
As someone who loves any fic that strays from the fanon Stereotype of Lyra to something reflective upon of what we actually see of her in the show - AKA music and general attitude from the show itself - Is great and deserves my time. So I'm grateful that you made this (I'm working on my own big time adventure story starring her and Octavia as it is) secondly, the duo is rather interesting, not to mention all the ways to build on it, from what I can infer, I assume you have a lot of cultural elements you're ready to delve into, in which I'm excited to read about.
My gripe as of now is the pacing, this is going very fast leaving us little time to see the early phases of the starting relationship dynamic between Lyra and Gilda. I'm left with merely scraps to work on in the events of the introductory chapters which is bound to deter some people from giving it a go. I'd reccomend seeing to either fixing this, or flesh out the scenes and the dialogue between characters in the future.
Looking forward to future updates
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Thanks for the feedback! I wish more people would comment in detail. I wouldn't worry too much about the relationship moving too fast, though. It's hardly moved anywhere as it is. Gilda's stubborn dislike of most ponies and her resentment of her current situation have made sure of that.
Ah well. This promises to be good. MOAR!!!
Wow, this is really good!
I like the way that you give Lyra a new personality than the typical way she's portrayed in fanon. Can't wait for more!
Looks like fun! Typo in first paragraph: Payed → Paid — payed should only be used about ropes on ships /grammar nazi.
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Thanks for the catch! That's one of those typos that just looks so natural that almost everyone missed it.
This looks promising. I cannot wait to see where this leads.
I sincerely hope you have a solid direction for this story.
I would hate to see the plot of this interesting premise dissolve into disjointed exposition and get bogged down in the details.
A portrayal of Lyra that doesn't reference humans?
Plus Gilda!?
Bravo on an original concept.
I look forward to seeing where this goes.
This is turning out to be an interesting and original team-up, looking forward to what else you have planned.
Liked the flashback of lil' Lyra getting her cutiemark, she must have given Cadence alot of trouble when she was little.
I feel for Gilda. I've had times where people try to help but it really just felt like an excuse to guilt trip me.
For the life of me, I cannot imagine Gilda using the term "Cutie Mark". She's probably use the term "Magical Butt Tattoos".
ooo, I love their fights!
I would imagine they would be fun to write too.
Nothing more entertaining than two people that hate eachother(more or less) going on an adventure!
I was very excited to see this chapter. I thought you had abandoned the fic!
Keep writing!
I love the way you write Gilda. She comes across as a sympathetic character, but she's not very likable. She's a bully, a brute, and a bit of a braggart, but at the same time you want to get to know her better, to know what makes her tick and why she feels the need to push everybody away. I greatly look forward to where you take her character from here, what kind of past she has in this canon, and seeing whether or not she'll come out of this adventure the better for it.
Okay, sorry, it took me a few days to allocate some time to read this but boy do I love this kind of interaction. This is precisely what I was excited about with such a duo for an adventure story with how you portray Lyra.
Also, the entire snippet about her and Cambiare as a kid was really interesting, you seem to have a certain affinity for philosophical dialogue so hopefully we see that proceed on.
Something I could suggest however is if you could gives us more detail and really flesh out the scenes rather than just jumping from one to another. One of the most important things about adventure storytelling is getting your audience to really experience what it's like in the bustling streets of Manehattan or on a Luxury line or one a ship. I know you do a little of this, but please, give the places their due.
Well Gilda certainly has some issues and some freaky dreams, can't wait to see what those symbolize. Plus the mystery of Lyra deepens but in a fun way.
Bravo and keep them coming.
That thing about artist vs performer was really interesting to me, and I finally got it what Michelle Creber (AB's voice actor) means when she says she's a performer. She repeatedly said that in many panels at cons.
Back to the story… I'm getting a bit fed up with the dynamics between Lyra and Gilda, I hope it evolves soon.
This is a interesting pair for an adventure, but I hope to see something to shake it up a bit. Still it if you do a slow pace that's fine I'd rather the story feel more natural in the progression then an instant fix. Also it a cool thing to use Gilda since I feel she's that under used as a character in both the show and even the brony community. Although from what I'm seeing I see a kind of Sherk/Donkey friend ship coming out, but that's just me. I look forward to seeing how the rest of the story unfold. Keep up the good work.
Well, I'm going to assume the name drop means something. I suspect Gilda is about to flip tables.
Well, my prediction was wrong, but this is shaping up to be an interesting story. I'm liking the character development you've done so far.
Like I said last chapter, I'm really liking this character development. Really nice job there.
I'm really looking forward to where you take this. Good show!
Any plans on finishing this?
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It's been a long time, but I do plan on continuing this story. I've just been dealing with a lot of depression and other problems for a long time now, and I lost my will to work on this. Sorry that I've been keeping people waiting for so long.
Why is this being bumped? It hasn't been touched.
4626725 The author has posted a new chapter in hidden mode but fro some reason it showed up on everyone's feed (or at least mine). No promises but I hope we can expect some more awesome pony words soon
!
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Sorry about the bump, accidentally hit publish and had to revoke it immediately. But the good news is that the chapter is out for real now!
And yes, this is a bump to a story that I haven't touched in a year. I've been dealing with some tough stuff, and my writing skills have probably decayed in the meantime, but I do mean to finish this, one way or another.
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Oh, hey, congrats on finally getting something out again. I hope you're doing better. I see some tinges that you're out of practice, but fundamentally this is nicely compelling. Gilda needs to stop being such a sad-sack and regretting her decisions. I'm sure Lyra can break through eventually!