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A Snowball's Chance

The episodic adventures of a pony in the wrong place at the right time, and the friends he picks up along the way.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Blue Thrush

Blue Thrush #1 · Jul 1st, 2012 · · ·

Hey, I like this! Can't wait to see more of it.

ChromeRegios

ChromeRegios #2 · Jul 1st, 2012 · · ·

Adventure time!! what lies before our hero? Find out NEXT EPISODE!!!

Badgie

Badgie #3 · Jul 1st, 2012 · · ·

"The ambient noises, he was used to by this point."

The syntax of this sentence is a little weird, and makes it hard to understand. It almost feels like a fragment. I think you would be better off using "He was used to the ambient noises by this point" since it flows more naturally, and is less jarring when read in the context of the paragraph. Especially if you combine it with the following sentence in this manner: "He was used to the ambient noises by this point, rumbling wheels on the track, pathetic hugging of a damaged, pony-assisted engine, all of that was in the background now."

Alternatively you could try: "The ambient noises; he was used to them by this point." Although it still feels a little awkward given the surrounding sentences.
Sorry about editing, I don't normally but I kept thinking about that one sentence as I was reading the rest of the chapter. Anyways, seems like this is going to be interesting, can't wait to see the next chapter