I enjoyed this first bit. I enjoy stuff the most when I have something a bit exciting at the end of the chpter, even if you have to take a bit away from the middle of it.  But that is just me.

As long Spike ends up with Rainbow Dash, I will promote this story on the official mlpforums.

Hmmmm, well I like the story idea for this! I can certainly imagine it being an episode.

I will keep track of new chapters of this fic to see what the rest will be like. I like the look of it so far!

Tip: It may help if you checked back through your writing to make sure there are no silly errors since I think you missed out words in certain sentences. Nothing too major. Keep writing!

I like it! Off to a good start. Seems quite in character of Twilight to research what love is. Haha!    Keep it up! I shall follow. You deserve a moustache:

Sounds like a typical Twilight. can't wait to see more.

I have to admit. Love is really confusing. But sometimes it could be understandable though.

An excellent start.  Glad to see both a "Romance" and a "Comedy" tag.  Comedic romance is the best type of romance.

Hooray, always fun when Twilight is researching some. And Comedy + Romance. One my favorite combinations. Good setup, wish two chapters had been posted though, left me kind of wanting.

I needs moar

Great start. Can't wait to read more.

good story. Can't wait to read the next.

I can't wait for more! This is really well written, it's in the exact same style as the show. I can't wait to see how it progresses!

ARRRGGG  

Aww, this chapter was great! I loved the montage of Twilight's friends giving their views on love. The characterization was just perfect.

Excited for more!

Loved the 'Baby don't hurt me, no more' reference; struggled to contain my laughter.

Awesome chapter. Can't wait to read the next one.

Chapter title made me think of this:

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

... I'm a real downer sometimes.

*Insert hateful comment here*

(Sees title)

(badly) #What is love?#

If the next chapter is just a hyperlink to Nopony Loves Twilight Sparkle, I shall simply die of laughter.

Yay! I finally understand what irony is!

>>10122491012249

This. I swear when i saw the chapter titled 'What is love?' I kept singing 'Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more...'

I love this! Please continue.

Awesome, I can't wait for the next chapter!

>>10230711023071

Suddenly the inter-dimensional conduit....

>>10230711023071

Image: http://gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs1/3449076_o.gif

And yes, I had the exact same reaction

I'd vote Doctor Whooves if he wasn't paired with derpy

Want me to decide what pairing I think it necessary? Reply me back for an answer.

Chapter 2, second paragraph -- "natty" means looking sharp, dapper, crisply dressed.  

Other than that, though, fun story, looking forward to more!  

hmmm i'm quite intrigued by this, i wonder who you will have everypony paired up with, should be interesting especially with the given mare to stallion ratio in mlp

oh i hope you update this soon

maybe twilight should ask trixie

>>10233501023350

Whoops. Thanks for catching that; it personally sounds like the exact opposite of "dapper". But I've changed it now, so it should be fine.

I was expecting no less than

"Baby don't hurt me, no more,"  

The use of words expressing something oother than their literal intention! Now that. Is. Irony!

Judging from Twilight's reaction, I'm going to go out on a limb a guess there's no TwiLuna... oh well, I'll read anyway.  

>>10235321023532

I would love to see that!

I can't wait for more!

Suddenly I remember a line from Family Guy: "Whatever they're paying you I'll double it! I'll give you money, women... men?

>>10232631023263

Well, they do both have the last name Hooves in the fandom, so they're either married or related (in some states they could be both).

>>10244951024495

True. Then again, I wonder what Riversong has to say about that...

Let the games begins.

Very nice, my friend. I'll be watching this one.

The title and premise are very similar to 'Friendship is Magic, Love is Confusing' by Phil the Time Wizard, which is already on here. Kinda fishy.

Octavia eh? But she already has Vinyl, right guys?

I love this story.

Although, I have no idea if cynicality is a word.

Twitavia, huh? Eh, I've heard weirder.

Constructive criticism you want, constructive criticism you shall have.

Firstly: Your chapters are criminally short.  You're barely averaging 1k words per, the bare minimum requirement for the site.  Not enough happens, or things happens too quickly, to make these chapters really have an impact; it makes it feel like you're rushing through the fic, and that would be a real shame, because it's a good plot concept and I'd hate to see it wasted by being poorly handled. Take your time and do more than the bare minimum.  

Secondly: Your writing style is humorous, but too flippant for my tastes.  Dial back the randomness and get in Twilight's head more.  It's HER fic, let us know what SHE'S thinking, rather than telling us what YOU think WE'RE supposed to think about her.  Breaking the 4th wall is fine, once in a while, for Pinkie Pie, but it should never happen in your narration, as with your repeatedly reminding the audience that Twilight doesn't understand irony.

(Speaking of which, to quote Bender from Futurama, "That's not ironic, that's just coincidental."  It's a common misconception in pop culture that tweaks the nerves of grammar nerds and English majors like myself.  For reference, irony is in fact defined as "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention.")

Thirdly, your Celestia voice in her letter to Twilight irked me.  She doesn't need to remind Twilight that H&H Day is in ten days, I'm sure Twilight knows that perfectly well for herself, let HER tell us how soon it is.  Furthermore in a formal invitation like that Celestia would - and SHOULD - have expressed merely that invitees are expected to bring dates and leave it at that, rather than calling attention to the fact that they will not be allowed to attend otherwise.  It's rude for Celestia to point it out and we can come to that conclusion ourselves anyway.

Finally, stop opening chapters with variations on "It was a normal day in Ponyville." It is the worst, most horribly cliché opening line ever to have existed and one of the most common offenders of the old "Show, don't tell" idiom.

As you can see, most of these criticisms are from a technical and stylistic standpoint.  Your grasp of the characters is largely spot on and you have a good framework of an idea. I'd mostly just like to see more detail and less hurrying on to the next plot point.

Hope that gives you some thoughts to work with, and happy writing.

-CG

... cynicality (is that a word?)

No, but "cynicism" sure is!

Also, as the chapter title is roughly in line with my previous comment, I shall roughly follow through with my stated course of action, that being to sort-of-but-not-quite die of laughter.

That word count.

Image: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a2/Fibonacci.jpg/220px-Fibonacci.jpg

I'm liking where this is going

Well done mate, an excellent first chapter.

I prefer OctaScratch shipping but this could be good.

It will go wrong. I mean, Twilight is already halfway to lesson zero's level of stress, so she's bound to make things awkward.

Also, OctaScratch fanboys will cause a riot over that particular pairing.

"Oh, and I was talking to the Wonderbolts the other day- I told them that your friend Rainbow Dash's amazing sonic rainboom."

That just plain doesn't make sense. Perhaps you meant 'about' instead of 'that'?

Whoa, Octavia paired with someone besides Vinyl Scratch?

*puts on fire-retardant suit*

Personally, I detest Octavia/Vinyl Scratch shipping.  Two characters that have never even been in the same episode together?  Really?  Just no thanks.

So far, shaping up to be an amusing story.  Little bit too much of Twilight, and I would like to see other characters play larger parts (I was really hoping for the Doctor to do more).

I'm liking this. Good first chap.

*Notices 99 likes*

*Likes, hits 100, feels special*

OCTASPARKLE! genius...

>>10282861028286

Pretty much what this guy said. It's good, but for god's sakes, don't rush it!

>>10281501028150

By most canon, she's just buddies and/or roommates.

>>10281501028150 DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT!!!!

I approve of this pairing.

>>10282861028286

Wow. Lots of criticism, but most of it was true.  In response, I say:

1) I know my writing isn't that great; I hope to improve by writing more. With luck, chapters should grow longer as I proceed.

2) This isn't just going to be Twilight's story; I'm going to focus on other characters, so I don't want to get too deep with any one character.. Also, while I'm not trying to make an actual episode, I'm trying to do it in a TV-style, so there's less emphasis on inner feelings.

Of course, fourth-wall breaking does kind of ruin that feeling, but I put it in because I thought it would increase the humor. When writing comedy, I prefer to be pretty flippant.

Also, I think most people would accept my definition of irony for most cases.

3) It doesn't seem to flippant to me. And not making it explicitly clear that a date is required might lead Twilight to just come alone, like she probably would have done if she'd gone to high school.

4) I can see how can get annoying, but I have stopped using it after chapter 2, so hopefully it's not too bad.

I want to like this. I really do.

Problem is, I can't.

See, when it comes to writing fanfiction for any given show, book, movie, video game, or whatever, the most important thing to remember is to avoid the cliche trap. Akane chasing Ranma with a mallet, any version of Bumblebee or Hot Shot kissing Optimus Prime's ass at every turn, Ron Weasley declaring everything under the sun to be "wicked!", J. Jonah Jameson screaming "PICTURES! PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!", these things are all examples of memes that turn into cliches, and insinuate themselves into fanfiction with such alarming regularity that it becomes easy to tell when a writer, new to the series or new to fanfiction in general, is trying to show off how impressive his or her knowledge of the material is, even when the "knowledge" seems to consist entirely of overplayed memes and fanfic cliches.

And what you've got here is one hell of a massive mess of cliches. By the second chapter, it's honestly so bad as to render the rest of the story unreadable. And it just kept getting worse as I plowed through the rest. It's even worse when you get around to aping fanon memes, like Lyra. Under different circumstances, THAT might have been cute, even funny, but with this mangled mess of memes and flanderization? It's just cumbersome and unpalatable.

The story idea itself is solid. You've just killed it dead by burying it under several tons of horse manure.

Going to research love?

...

This won't end well. Hilarity and romantic hi-jinks are going to ensue. You may proceed.

May the Grace of the Valar Protect You

Shire Folk

Pretty much what i expected But still good.

Octavia you bitch

"Get out every book on emotion and psychology. I have some research to do."

Spike's reptilian brain churned as he started fetching books. "Research about what?"

"Love!"

LOL

Loved the obvious reference!

Oh Twilight you just don't understand what love is do you?

I wonder who the others are taking

>>10232631023263 And I'd vote for Caramel to be a date for either Pinkie Pie or Applejack if he didn't already have a girlfriend in "The Perfect Stallion" from "Hearts and Hooves Day" and the same goes for Big Mac unless he and Cheerilee just didn't work out.

>>10282861028286 Obviously you've never heard of Trollestia which reminds me "Do you like bananas?"

Thanks a lot Mrs. Cake!

>>10344331034433 Hey she's free to choose, Octavia has already been shipped with Vinyl Scrath as it is in several fanfics it's not like it's new or anything like that.

and now i demand twipie for it shall make us happy

Twilight and Octavia god i hope not !

I don't get it why not make twilight go out with a stallion?

cuz that would be much better.

Im telling you fluttershy has a crush on Big Mac.

all six. Since she invited Spike as well, it should be all seven.

my Trollestia sence is going off....

What the buck did I just read?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png

That was interesting to say the least. Now to let my anger out. OCTIVIA YOU BUCKING BITCH I HOPE YOU SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!!!!! There we go all better by the way I think dash has something to do with vinyl finding them.

This chapter just killed everyone's expectations. I find that hillarious as all hell.

I can't decide if you're setting Spike up for heartbreak or sucess. As such, I'm going to refrain from brining out Mr. Stabby, for now.  On the upside, Spike's abillity to remain the voice of reason feels both cannon and horribly amusing briddeled with his sarcasm.

I just don't see Spike/Rarity working, ever.

He is the little brother that has a crush on his big sister's friend.

Oh Pinkie, she has no tact.

>>10230061023006 XD You and me both

OctaviLight? I'm in! xD

... Why am I reading this again? xD

I would believe this was a transcription for a totally legit episode. Seriously. This is amazing. AMAZING!

okay you've offically made me hate Octavia. she is a bad pony

Well, I guess I'll you guys around? Need a see there.

Another down side of spaghetti as a date food, garlic breath. Although personally, I like the smell of garlic.

Having your first date ever cheat on you before the night is over can't be good for the ego.  Poor Twilight.  And yes, Octavia was free to go back to Vinyl, but that was a pretty bitchy way to treat her date, so I hope those two are miserable together.

Uhhh, Octavia. Words cannot describe how irritated I feel when a pony who doesn't even have a speaking role and is only around for a couple seconds gets such a large amount of attention. It truly annoys me to the core but I digress.

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png

Are you kidding me? This story is hilarious and awesome!!!

Poor Twilight

YES, SHE'S GONE!

Octavia is a bitch.

OMC!!!! Twilight x Octavia!?!? AT LONG LAST!!! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!!!!

Goddamn it!!!!!

You ruined the first possible ship of my two favorite ponies in the world, made Octavia look like a bitch, and Twilight pathetic.

I am ditching this fic.

Or maybe not. Hope springs eternal.

>>10383931038393 does she like bananas?

Octavia is a bitch. Poor Twilight.

That sucks.