Derpy, the muffin mare of Ponyville (a tiny, pointless town on the backside of nowhere that nopony at all cares about) suddenly finds that she has fallen pregnant with her second daughter. With no means of supporting herself (let alone a foal), she begins trying to find an alternate source of non-muffin income.
Fortunately, Spoiled Rich offers her a position. A job killing ponies that displease her. And when it comes to Spoiled Rich, there are a LOT of ponies that displease her.
Derpy accepts the job, and performs about as well as would be expected.
Chapters (25)
First view. Looks cool.
Also, I'm going to garrote Diamond Tiara.
Can't wait to read it.
Havent read this yet still trying to decide if i want to, but i find it highly amusing that this story popped into my feed while ac/dc's dirty deeds just started playing. For the sheer coincidence i might have to read it.
Did somebody say D4C?
i.pinimg.com/originals/0c/f6/e4/0cf6e4ecabda84b71ca90cb778c2dfda.jpg
I saw the title and I just went, "...I get it!"
For that alone I shall take a look see.
With a title like that I thought she'd get a stand.
9108401
Dang it, you beat me to it.
After Friendship University, I thought there was no context in which i'd find Flim or Flam ever likable.
You did it here, and I hope this whole thing ends with Spoiled suffering as much as them.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+dirty+deeds&&view=detail&mid=AFDF8619C45DFD38C70FAFDF8619C45DFD38C70F&&FORM=VRDGAR
Love the song. Unfortunately, stuff from before the 80s often doesn't have a good video
so vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/jjba/images/4/4d/D4c_sbr69.png/revision/latest?cb=20160323142852 is vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/6/66/FANMADE_Derpy_Hooves_vector_by_durpy.png/revision/latest?cb=20130224045819 ?
i'll just leave this here for you to enjoy
How is this featured already? It's not even displaying likes/dislikes.
9108896 It’s not featured on my end. It’s showing up under “Popular,” which is a completely different algorithm.
9108896 9108927
It's showing up as featured for me, too. Not that I mind, this is a really enjoyable story so far, it's just really strange that it's up there. 🤷
EDIT:
78.media.tumblr.com/ed5f143738034ce544d2326026e1f2f0/tumblr_pdffxhKkIW1tgxn6co1_540.png
9108927
Turn off mature stories? It's still showing on a page I just loaded.
For those interested, I came up with the title.
Mr. Hole is usually the master of puns, but this one is mine.
I can't write though.
9109021
It is true. He did.
9108896
It has to be a glitch. It's two chapters with a pun for a title. I guess the algorithm likes puns?
Im glad your work is getting known. You write really good stories.
I don't know where to begin with this chapter: The fact that the doctor is just Doctor Horse, or how completely clueless Derpy is, resulting in him not knowing what the hell to do.
I'm detecting a TON of jealousy coming from Spoiled.... I mean, From their conversation, I think I can kind of understand why...
It sounds like Derpy's a MILF compared to her. I'd be jealous, too.
It was featured when I saw it, but it's gone now (about 4 hours later)
TMW "tail" is also slang for another particular portion of a male's anatomy
Tbh I didn't mind them at my old house. Also, I read my brother this quote, and he said, "What is this, an episode of House Hunters?"
I'm not sure which is more ridiculous: The fact that Derpy doesn't realize that these are the same thing, or that Equestrian colleges have two different PhDs for the same specialization.
I'm really loving your writing style! I keep snorting with laughter at all the ridiculousness. And the way you write Derpy is great! Just dumb enough, yet just smart enough that everything she says is a surprise. Considering this is the longest pony story I've read in a while (I was effectively gone for two years), I think I've chosen well.
One last thing: I am not sure you necessarily needed to publish three more chapters in one day, but it's got me hooked!
I am quickly losing my ability to even right now.
Derpy, we have to compete in a race across Equestria and kill the Princess.
9109485
That's odd.
Even your chapter numbers are derped.
Wow. Unicorns can live that long and still look so good? Nice!
Oh yeah and Spoiled's got massive inferiority issues and unicorn envy boohoo. Hard to empathize with her when she's being so very nasty.
“Ohhhhhh,” said Derpy, seeming to understand. “I haven’t done THAT kind of dirty work since college.” She paused. “Actually, that’s why I got the maid outfit in the first place…”
I'll be in my bunk.
How many chapters overall do you think this is going to be?
First off, holy crap Spoiled's horrible.
Second, HOLY CRAP DERPY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
unless that's not actually their bailed remains and it's just a misinterpretation JESUS CHRIST DERPY
The most horrible thing is that whatever happened, it will end up being a Derpy-triggered (accidentally) horrible accident.
Deliberately Derping someone should at least be considered a war crime, though.
If you've got a muffin and you want it gone
But you ain't got the guts.
You think raisins are the spawn of Hell
You've allergies to nuts.
Well, send me a card, I'm never far
You'll find my rates are fair.
For a fee, I'm happy to be
Your muffin mare, yeah.
Derpy deeds (Done derp cheap!)
Derpy deeds (Done derp cheap!)
Derpy deeds (Done derp cheap!)
Derpy deeds and they're done derp cheap.
Derpy deeds and they're done derp cheap.
And now that that's out of my system, I have to say that this is wonderfully horrible in all the right ways. Eagerly looking forward to more.
It's a good thing this fic doesn't have the dark tag.
9110011
This story is 25 chapters long.
9110474
I see.
9109231
I'm thinking it was supposed to be 'in organic chemistry' and a second in snuck in there. Then again with this story you never know.
Wait, what?
In any case, this is ending with the mayor locked in a freezer, isn't it?
Oh no....
So, Applejack's parents just up and died by themselves? With no assistance from the "Hitmare?" Hilarious XD
I really hope the night shift Sparkler took doesn't impart that kind of expertise.
I eagerly await this story conclusion.
9111942
IIRC, the proper name of the horn of a unicorn is an alicorn.
But...they do have teats, because they have to have mammary glands because they are mammals, and that is one of the main criterion to be classified as a mammal.
That's an...interesting metaphor for that act.
Also, there's quite a few typos in this chapter. I could still understand what was being said, but it's just enough to be distracting:
I assume we won't really find out until later, but I'm assuming that this is all just a huge misunderstanding and that Derpy actually was stuck in the toilet the whole time while the Apple parents were killed, but you never know with Derpy, haha! Looking forward to the next chapter!
i1.wp.com/justusgeeks.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/derpy-hooves-meme-acdc.jpeg
Wait, if ponies have nothing to conceal with clothing, how can they be gelded?
... I get the feeling that answering that question is another step on the road to madness.
Also, Derpy is best worst assassin.
Well, at least the mayor will live thanks to her quick thinking!...I think?
9108559
Yes.
No one likes Flim or Flam.
But I nearly had an aneurism when I read that pun about Spoiled's mother.
I shouldn't read fan fictions in a library, but oh well.
9108725
... Shot in the dark, but is that first picture from Ultraman or Jojo's bizarre adventure?
9109999
is there any other way for Spoiled to be?