- Member Since 24th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen March 28th
Wandering Pigeon
I came here to eat breadcrumbs and indiscriminately shit on cars. And I'm all out of breadcrumbs...
Wandering Pigeon
Joined 24th Sep, 2014 ·
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Interesting so far I really like it, I hope the rest of the apple family will find themselves in diapers and foalish outfits, of even the F&F in diapers somehow. Still I am not sure how this could make for a multi chapter story.
9175466
Glad I snagged your interest. Once Part 2 hits I think you’ll see how this one managed to be longer than a one-shot
Like the idea so far. i wonder what your going to do with part 2 but im sure it will be great coming from a writer like you
9175542
Nice, I can'T wait to see it and how the diaper and outfit has anything to do with the cider? I hope their will be a whole merchandise related to AJ, maybe even public plays or movies. By the way if you didn't know I am an artist, if you are interested, I am open for commissions, I might be willing to make a deal with you.
https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku
I can't wait for the next chapter
It feels like there's a lot of assumptions happening to make the story move along. For example, Film and Flam commissioning a dress like that before knowing who their mascot would be and how said mascot would be able to make up for a significant 25% difference in profit.
However, I also hated how the episode had an anti-message with the Apple family effectively cheating to win the contest (bringing in third party help) and them still technically losing (the contest wasn't about making quality cider, it was the quantity of cider). It's barely referenced in passing, but I do like how you still actually work with the acknowledgement that the twins won.
Style-wise it's solid, and I think this might be the most mechanically sound stories of yours yet; I don't recall seeing any spelling mistakes or other typos of that sort. Applejack is a pleasant mixture of her vocal tics without drinking too deeply from the Well of Annoying Southern Stereotypes. Flim and Flam do feel like they're missing their usual gusto, though, not playing off of each other as much as I recall (though it has been several years since I've watched them in action). However, the foundation for this story and the justifications used for the fetish feel weak compared to your more recent work. It's not bad, but the rush to reach payoff is felt acutely here. Also, I'm sure I'm voicing many people's thoughts when I say Big Mac would have filled the role quite well ;)
"Fifty percent and no lower, if you want me to wear that get-up."
Flim and Flam exchanged glances. "You drive a hard bargin, but we'll agree-"
"-if we can have your brother as the mascot when he's free." The pair chortled.
"Deal."
The laughed stopped. "Just like that?" Flim said.
"Speaking as a brother, I would certainly ask my dear sibling whether he was okay with such an arrangement before signing the dotted line!" Flam added.
Applejack winked. "Trust me, he'll be happier than a hog in fresh mud. I'll go get him for you~"
As they watched Applejack sashay back down the dirt path with a jaunty whistle, Flam asked, "Were we just played, brother?"
Flim turned around, taking the dress in his magic. "No, I believe we simply stumbled into a mutually beneficial arrangement. Now, might you help me loosen this?"
9175575
Hope I meet expectations.
Aww thanks
9175638
I’ll keep you in mind for the future when I need art. For now nothing comes to mind.
9175900
I’m excited too
9176039
I won’t lie that I stretched things to make this fic happen. I considered having Flim and Flam take some time to prep once they got the idea for the mascot with AJ coming back later or even another day, but that really just made the story longer without really adding much in the grand scheme of things.
As for how a mascot is going to make them more money, that’ll all be explained in the next chapter.
Lastly, your disappointment regarding Big Mac is 100% justified. I will now hang my head in shame.
9176505
I just made a padded story on Big Mac. Lol. All that's missing is Apple Bloom
9176582
Hopefully someone will take care of that for us. Between this fic and my next I’m swamped.
9176792
I'm busy trying to finish up my padded guard story as well. But I'm glad the Apples are padded they don't get enough love lol. But keep it up. You make the best padded pony fics.
9177225
Aww, thanks
If I didn't know better, I'd swear Flim and Flam had the mascot idea in mind from the start and were just waiting for Applejack to make the deal with them.
This should be interesting, wonder what'll happen when Applejack's friends inevitably see her in her new foalish state.
9177388
I'm sure Applejack isn't as eager to find out.
This was a fun little story. Definitely something I wouldn't put past Flim and Flam. They'd certainly relish in such a way to further add pain to punishment upon achieving such a victory.
The scene of AJ getting brought to the stage was definitely fun. Nice lead up along with great description of how she was dressed and styled.
9177704
Thanks! Hope you’re looking forward to more.
9176505
In this case, I almost feel like the opposite approach would have worked better, starting with Applejack already in the mascot uniform and having her recall what led her to this unfortunate predicament through snippets. However, it would have possibly been more difficult to organically slide that in so it didn't feel like plain In Media Res. Alas, writing is but a series of choosing between the lesser of evils like that, and your way isn't wrong, I'm just not sure if it's ideal.
Heh, it's a matter of character and scenario preference. Applejack being proud, and therefore humbled and embarrassed, by this experience is the main driving force for your interest in this idea, I imagine. Everyone has their preference; I'm sure there's someone out there who'd prefer Granny Smith in the role instead.
Love this story.
Not gonna lie though, I'm a little disappointed with the mascot name AJ got saddled with.
Not that Jackie is bad, just saying it could've been a lot more humiliating.
9178860
In Media Res might have worked, but I personally have never been a fan of jumping between the present and flashbacks. I doubt I would have handled writing that well.
9179114
I tossed around a few ideas before settling on Jackie. Not the best, I know, but it was simple and a believable mascot name, so it stuck somewhere in the writing process.
I'm down with this.
9179600
Good, cause there's more coming
9179577
I didn't mean In Media Res exactly; it's a tool for people who can't inject enough engaging elements into a story before it reaches action, so instead they make a promise of action coming later like an IOU for the reader. I specifically said it shouldn't feel like In Media Res if executed well; you don't drop the story into a flashback every time you need to justify something happening at that point. Instead, something occurs which reminds Applejack of what led to these events, or gives reason to the characters to talk about what happened in brief snippets. This weaves the backstory into the more interesting primary conflict. It's like a clever callback but instead of reminding the reader of a running joke you're filling them in on the events that led up to this.
9180811
Eh, even if it could be weaved in organically, I'm still just not a fan of that story-telling style.
9181175
Fair enough. As I said, how you did it wasn't wrong, and anything beyond that is merely personal tastes.
Well this a hefty read to go through, and interesting was nice to see all that was happening around AJ while alternating in trying to ignore her blather and what was being said around her which makes things so much more difficult for her. I did enjoy the reading a lot, keep it up.
9187501
I considered splitting it in two, but never really found a spot that would be good to do so. Glad you enjoyed it all!
It was a pretty sizable chapter
Poor Applejack, her friends best elements worked against her and she's never gonna be able to live it down.
I have to wonder whether she might ever work up the courage to tell her family. I can imagine Granny Smith might not take kindly to Flim and Flam putting her granddaughter through the wringer.
9187922
Even if she doesn't tell them, it won't be long until they find out. When she walks through the door dressed as she is, that'll be a pretty big clue.
At first I genuinely didn't know how you could add much to what had been written in the first chapter. Then, well, I read this and saw there was quite the tale to tell during 'Jackie's' day of being the mascot.
The way you framed this makes sense for Flim & Flam, too. Knowing ponies would want to see how 'Jackie' is doing would get them to drink their cider without fully enjoying it. This would get them to come back in the line over-and-over again to see Jackie while getting more cider. It really is quite clever.
AJ is going to definitely need a bath, or shower.
Nicely done.
9188984
Thanks, glad to see you liked how the story went.
(And I have a feeling Applejack's gonna need several showers before she's satisfied.)
OMG, this is awesome I love this fic. do you think you could do a fic where apple bloom gets in trouble and has to be the coming season cider mascot with how well they're doing it would be funny to think this sort of became an apple family tradition? with every member doing there season taking turns.
9192144
Thanks! I'm glad to hear you liked it.
Unfortunately, I'm not planning a follow up for this one. While it would be funny to stick Apple Bloom or Big Mac in the hot seat for a day, I feeling like I'd be treading water in terms of what I can do with the concept.
9192365 I'm actually curious what Granny Smith would have to say about this, and whether it might be possible for Flim and Flam to trick her into being a model. There's also the matter of Filthy Rich during Zap Apple Season now that Flim and Flam own the farm.
9204975
Granny Smith would probably be against it right up until she learned how much money they'd be getting for it, at which point she'd be on board completely.
As for Filthy Rich, he'll be fine. Flim and Flam are only getting cider season profits after all.
OH SNAPPITY SNAP SNAP!!! XD
Oh man a sequel to this would be amazing.
9192365
Apple Bloom would probably look adorable tottering around in this:
I feel like it would violate some law against foal abuse though.
Plus the sweetest foal of the series deserves better.
Oh painful. This has got to be one of the worst letters anyone has ever had to write.
Ouch. Missed it by that much.
Always did wonder how that bet was supposed to work realistically speaking. Would Applejack's friends volunteer their services every Cider Season? Because it doesn't really solve the lack of Cider product problem otherwise.
Back when the internet and Youtube was wild and free, someone pointed out that with The Flim Flams making Cider at almost ten times the speed the Apple Family could, even 25% would at least double their income.
I haven't been able to accurately compare the rate of barrel production, and I can't find the video, but it is interesting to think about.
That being said I don't imagine they had time to run the numbers either amid all the drama.
It's not really in the interest of the Brothers or Ponyvile either. But it's understandable that Applejack wouldn't feel that way.
Huh. I guess they don't care if their producer gets destroyed.
Or maybe they've run the numbers too?
Ah there's the title reference!
I do.
Lies!
It's a beautiful costume.
You can never over do cuteness!
Welp they have to have something to make sure you keep your new outfit clean.
Do you even have to ask?
Yes please!
Oh you'll catch more than that soon.
Let's see those pretty cheeks of yours!
Don't worry. They'll fix that for you very soon.
Does that feel good sweetie?
As it should be.
Aww what's wrong honey? Hot?
Some filly's feeling frustrated.
Now for the best part... The outfit.
Isn't she just precious? And already she's enjoying her new outfit!
Resistance is futile.
Aww! She's so cute!
Such a fidgety foal. Are you a fidgety foal Applejack?
Poor Applejack. Oh well, no backing out of this now.
Sneaking another peek, Flam?
Oh yeah! You smack that ass, Flam!
Aww! It's time to meet your public sweetie!
I love the name.