8908511 Rarity better not screw this up. However, due to hints dropped in the chapter, she probably will. Rarity will split them up, she'll finally see what she's done and then have to work on getting them back together. At least that's what I'd do. Then again, I am not you, so I have no idea what you truly have planned.
Well now... Rarity sure is starting to feel the onset of karma! Since she totally misinterpreted what Rachel and her friends were going on about, I get the feeling she's going to try everything she can to separate her from Spike! At this point, I'd say she doesn't deserve Spike's forgiveness if anything happens going forward; it's time she got her slice of suffering!
I can totally understand where Spike is coming from, feeling apprehensive at asking Rachel out... especially from personal experience with a similar situation that he went through. In any case, the story's really starting to get good now! Seems kinda long, but I understand the importance of substance for each day. Keep at it, Crimson!
8910714 Thank you! I don't want to cram everything and do a whole summery. I much rather have the whole day experienced. yes, Rarity is going to get what's coming and it's gonna be sweet XD lol
So, Rarity is more jelly than a jar of Smuckers, Spike got the D(ate), Rachel has PTSD over rap3, and Interspecies action almost happened but ended with a headbutt....
Seeing a female HIE romance type story is very rare. A good one like this even more so.
On the down side, there are a lot of misused words and phrases. Enough that it is taking my attention away from the story while I puzzle out just what you mean.
One of the things I really like about the story is that Spike is flawed. He gets hot headed, mopey, frustrated, and inappropriately horny. All for good reason, and it makes him much more real as a character. I'd honestly like to see Rachel have some more flaws, so far her only one is that she jumps head first into things, but this has not been in any way negative so far.
One downside to the story itself, I think you overdid it with Rarity early on. The character you have shown here shows every indication of narcissistic personality disorder, a real thing closely related to sociopathic disorders and caused by similar chemical imbalances. The way she acts right from the start make her a deeply unlikable person and I think that this takes away from seeing her turning into a "green eyed monster". A bad person doing bad things is just a bad person, a good person falling down the same path is a tragedy.
If you can, I would suggest getting an editor to work with. The story is already great, but with a little polish it can be amazing.
8913902 Yeah, I know I need to do some polished work. lol Doing all this on google docs but I type too fast for my software system to keep up at times. And not to mention that I tend to read too fast to catch many mistakes. I did ask for an editor when I first made the story and I got a bit impatient when no one took up to be my editor *shrug* And as for Rarity...yeah I didn't mean to make her like that. It's always how I thought Rarity acted on the show. I'm not trying to demonize her and such.
You are really good at making a horrible Rarity. Think about the conversation in the bathroom there is one thing I think about Rarity. Is she such a racist bitch that every single thing that wasn't said by a Pony was complete white noise?
9070350 Okay, it just seemed both in character and went right along with how she was behaving cause the pony character side would make it look like Rachel was taking advantage of Spike if literally nothing that Rachel said was listened to. This just makes Rarity an even worse character and I love it.
I think Spike would harbor more than Healthy Doses of Unresolved Feelings toward Rarity and Sweetie Belle, and we have not quite seen A Grown Up Spike take Full Wing, a la How to Train Your Dragon, or a less harmless and more vicious How to Train Your Dragon.
You know, I get that eventually it's gonna be Spike and Rachel, with Rarity getting a bit of karma with how it showed up, but from the way that Fluttershy has been acting, I can't help but think that if Spike and Rachel didn't pan out, there could have been somepony in the wings after all--just needed to be a little bit more assertive... (if that isn't an obvious hint, I can't help ya...)
The bunny shot out of the bag, pounced on Rachel and clung to her chest. “Oh hello?!” Rachel jumps in surprised. Angel nuzzled up against her melons with a lovely sigh coming out of his little mouth.
Well, apparently Angel Bunny likes boobs... a lot...
“Maybe you should let him out early,” Starlight suggested. “Pay the fine. It’s Spike, he wouldn’t cause any harm without rhyme or reason. You seen the videotapes.”
Wow wow wow back the fuck up. Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up.
*takes moment to think*
There's a videotape? So actual footage? So actual, DOCUMENTED evidence of what ACTUALLY happened. And she's SEEN it? Well, what the fuck, then?! what's her god damn problem, she's seen the video she KNOWS they started it. So what the FUCK?!
“I want Spike to have a good time just as the rest of us. I’m worried if he might lash out again or do worse.” Twilight sat up, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I understand why he was doing, why he did it, but all he could do is just walk away. Ponies joke around.”
*slaps upside the head* What the HELL are you talking about, you dumb fucking jackass?! They hit him over the head with a fucking locker!
The bathroom stall slowly swings open. Rarity’s left eye twitched from what she just witness. Her horn softly sparked a rather weak green aura that was slowly growing.
Best chapter so far keep up the great work girl!
At first you had my curiosity, but now madam you have my attention.
Great work keep it up
Hmmmm, could that glow be jealousy?
8908505
Yes, yes it is. :)
8908511
Rarity better not screw this up. However, due to hints dropped in the chapter, she probably will. Rarity will split them up, she'll finally see what she's done and then have to work on getting them back together. At least that's what I'd do. Then again, I am not you, so I have no idea what you truly have planned.
Well now... Rarity sure is starting to feel the onset of karma! Since she totally misinterpreted what Rachel and her friends were going on about, I get the feeling she's going to try everything she can to separate her from Spike! At this point, I'd say she doesn't deserve Spike's forgiveness if anything happens going forward; it's time she got her slice of suffering!
I can totally understand where Spike is coming from, feeling apprehensive at asking Rachel out... especially from personal experience with a similar situation that he went through. In any case, the story's really starting to get good now! Seems kinda long, but I understand the importance of substance for each day. Keep at it, Crimson!
8910714
Thank you! I don't want to cram everything and do a whole summery. I much rather have the whole day experienced. yes, Rarity is going to get what's coming and it's gonna be sweet XD lol
Why do we have the ponies from My Little Pony being discribed as giants compared to humans?
8911189
I don't know. Evolution? If I were to make the ponies properly, they'd be the size of hobbits no pun intended
orig00.deviantart.net/47a3/f/2018/127/3/b/i_dunno_1_by_lullabyjak-dcaydbo.png
I dunno
So, Rarity is more jelly than a jar of Smuckers, Spike got the D(ate), Rachel has PTSD over rap3, and Interspecies action almost happened but ended with a headbutt....
8911889
Not exactly ptsd. It'll be explained in the next chapter. Rarity's jealous has only just begun :P
Seeing a female HIE romance type story is very rare. A good one like this even more so.
On the down side, there are a lot of misused words and phrases. Enough that it is taking my attention away from the story while I puzzle out just what you mean.
One of the things I really like about the story is that Spike is flawed. He gets hot headed, mopey, frustrated, and inappropriately horny. All for good reason, and it makes him much more real as a character. I'd honestly like to see Rachel have some more flaws, so far her only one is that she jumps head first into things, but this has not been in any way negative so far.
One downside to the story itself, I think you overdid it with Rarity early on. The character you have shown here shows every indication of narcissistic personality disorder, a real thing closely related to sociopathic disorders and caused by similar chemical imbalances. The way she acts right from the start make her a deeply unlikable person and I think that this takes away from seeing her turning into a "green eyed monster". A bad person doing bad things is just a bad person, a good person falling down the same path is a tragedy.
If you can, I would suggest getting an editor to work with. The story is already great, but with a little polish it can be amazing.
8913902
Yeah, I know I need to do some polished work. lol Doing all this on google docs but I type too fast for my software system to keep up at times. And not to mention that I tend to read too fast to catch many mistakes. I did ask for an editor when I first made the story and I got a bit impatient when no one took up to be my editor *shrug* And as for Rarity...yeah I didn't mean to make her like that. It's always how I thought Rarity acted on the show. I'm not trying to demonize her and such.
8913999
I can’t wait for Ch.4
You are really good at making a horrible Rarity. Think about the conversation in the bathroom there is one thing I think about Rarity. Is she such a racist bitch that every single thing that wasn't said by a Pony was complete white noise?
9069441
No lol, that bit from Rarity when she heard Rachel, that is pure jealousy... Jealousy is a bitch lol
9070350
Okay, it just seemed both in character and went right along with how she was behaving cause the pony character side would make it look like Rachel was taking advantage of Spike if literally nothing that Rachel said was listened to. This just makes Rarity an even worse character and I love it.
9070372
Glad you love it :P
I think Spike would harbor more than Healthy Doses of Unresolved Feelings toward Rarity and Sweetie Belle, and we have not quite seen A Grown Up Spike take Full Wing, a la How to Train Your Dragon, or a less harmless and more vicious How to Train Your Dragon.
You know, I get that eventually it's gonna be Spike and Rachel, with Rarity getting a bit of karma with how it showed up, but from the way that Fluttershy has been acting, I can't help but think that if Spike and Rachel didn't pan out, there could have been somepony in the wings after all--just needed to be a little bit more assertive... (if that isn't an obvious hint, I can't help ya...)
9082805
Too bad Fluttershy is already with Soarin
9082885
Foreshadowing? Or did I miss something back there??
9084228
Lol I'm currently writing the fourth chapter that'll explain that.
9082283
Sweetie Belle?? I is confused.
When's the update coming up
9114481
In the next couple of days. Its been slow due to RL stuff
Thanks
You can say that again...
Well, apparently Angel Bunny likes boobs... a lot...
Thorax would say otherwise...
s.yimg.com/lo/api/res/1.2/Eh4j8q0iacP8WNOVQ2xeaw--~B/YXBwaWQ9eWlzZWFyY2g7Zmk9Zml0O2dlPTAwNjYwMDtncz0wMEEzMDA7aD00MDA7dz03MTE-/http://pm1.narvii.com/6197/982a4ba30e2f2910f73321e7fe94f9900d0dd9d3_hq.jpg.cf.jpg
Should there be a you here
Wow wow wow back the fuck up. Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up.
*takes moment to think*
There's a videotape? So actual footage? So actual, DOCUMENTED evidence of what ACTUALLY happened. And she's SEEN it? Well, what the fuck, then?! what's her god damn problem, she's seen the video she KNOWS they started it. So what the FUCK?!
*slaps upside the head* What the HELL are you talking about, you dumb fucking jackass?! They hit him over the head with a fucking locker!
Spike never got that Soda. This story should have the tragedy tag put on it for that alone
... Crap.