Mirror Star
Joined 25th Aug, 2017 ·
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I like the start! Keep it up can't wait to see where it goes!
1: Gladmane
2: Saphire Shores
Hmm. Rain Flower and Fancypants sounds interesting!
Windy Whistles and Bow Hothoof or maybe more bright and pear
I was really reluctant on reading this because of the Sex and Fetish tags, and this is further deepened when I read the first chapter, but I'd be a hypocrite if I hated it for those reasons because I myself have a story with those very same tags, so I'm putting my doubts aside and am really excited to see what you do with this mystery.
Advice I'd would like to give is to clear all the lack of space between what is dialogue and what is not dialogue, other than that, the beginning is well written. Also, there seems to be a bit of a perspective change or something because one moment, we're reading the story from Twilight Velvet first point of view and the next we're shot into a limited third-person point of view, unless there was a point I was unaware of when the point of view changes.
And one last little thing,
I think you meant Windy Whistles instead of Cloudy.