6 friends go on a road trip to see the sights, taken the air, and maybe hook up with some stallions (or mares). However, their vacations takes unexpected turns because of a mystery that involves the legendary alicorns, Celestia and Luna
I was really reluctant on reading this because of the Sex and Fetish tags, and this is further deepened when I read the first chapter, but I'd be a hypocrite if I hated it for those reasons because I myself have a story with those very same tags, so I'm putting my doubts aside and am really excited to see what you do with this mystery.
Advice I'd would like to give is to clear all the lack of space between what is dialogue and what is not dialogue, other than that, the beginning is well written. Also, there seems to be a bit of a perspective change or something because one moment, we're reading the story from Twilight Velvet first point of view and the next we're shot into a limited third-person point of view, unless there was a point I was unaware of when the point of view changes.
And one last little thing,
Cloudy said "No. I just happened to be walking near the barn late that night and overheard you two."
I think you meant Windy Whistles instead of Cloudy.
I like the start! Keep it up can't wait to see where it goes!
I was really reluctant on reading this because of the Sex and Fetish tags, and this is further deepened when I read the first chapter, but I'd be a hypocrite if I hated it for those reasons because I myself have a story with those very same tags, so I'm putting my doubts aside and am really excited to see what you do with this mystery.
Advice I'd would like to give is to clear all the lack of space between what is dialogue and what is not dialogue, other than that, the beginning is well written. Also, there seems to be a bit of a perspective change or something because one moment, we're reading the story from Twilight Velvet first point of view and the next we're shot into a limited third-person point of view, unless there was a point I was unaware of when the point of view changes.
And one last little thing,
I think you meant Windy Whistles instead of Cloudy.