Space Star is a alicorn who has voices in her head. She lives with Twilight Sparkle in The Castle Of Friendship. She would do anything for Twilight, she would even fight for her.
8661241 if I may make a suggestion try increasing the length of the chapters to about 700 words then once you hit that with consistence then try aiming for 1000+ words in your chapters im not saying it will be easy but I think it will help you a lot
Use descriptors. Show what's happening by using background details and showing a character's inner thoughts. The story needs to be more descriptive in what they're doing, what they're saying, how the emotion is presented. Right now, it's bland.
This chapter was fun, I... Have absolutely no complaints. I did however feel a shiver go down my spine when I read this part.
I then glared at the Storm Guards that boarded my ship with eyes full of hate.
When I read it, I had to look over it again because it didn't quite feel right. I saw that you typed "my ship" instead of "the ship". I thought "Nooo, that's not right, it should be 'the ship'". But then I thought over it again. "... Oh fuck... Yeah, that is her ship now." I always forget little details like that can give a whole new meaning to a scene.
8661241
if I may make a suggestion try increasing the length of the chapters to about 700 words then once you hit that with consistence then try aiming for 1000+ words in your chapters im not saying it will be easy but I think it will help you a lot
8661354
I will definitely try
8661387
all I can ask
8661389
Ok
Sad that you didn't even attempt a battle scene... though mine are pretty awful
Just take my "Pitt" for instance
8673128
yeah
Use descriptors. Show what's happening by using background details and showing a character's inner thoughts. The story needs to be more descriptive in what they're doing, what they're saying, how the emotion is presented. Right now, it's bland.
8673223
ok
This chapter was fun, I... Have absolutely no complaints. I did however feel a shiver go down my spine when I read this part.
When I read it, I had to look over it again because it didn't quite feel right. I saw that you typed "my ship" instead of "the ship". I thought "Nooo, that's not right, it should be 'the ship'". But then I thought over it again. "... Oh fuck... Yeah, that is her ship now." I always forget little details like that can give a whole new meaning to a scene.
So over all, s'pretty neat!