Hi guys. I am new to this whole writing thing and I would love some feedback in the comments

Hmm interesting. To be a little blunt it could be better. But i am sure you will find a way to fix it. But it's not wise to rush and then use you own oc to tell the story. So I would say keep it up of course. I neither hate or like this story. But I can tell you're trying so keep it up hmm?

8661187
thanks

8661189

Still it is not wise to insult people. If you do want to make good stories here. You need to respect people and take what they say as helpful. Meaning like Bricklayer there he is being blunt and if you can't take that it's well sad. So try of course.

8661195
ok

the only thing that matters is that i try and have fun trying

8661202

Oh of course but deleting old message not a wise idea. It dosne't make you look good.

i diddnt know

8661241
Learning just like a real cartoon pony! So cute my heart hurts bro! I wish I could wright cute for kid characters! (Still seeing you triggered would have been funny)
[I'm a bad person]
{Sad Violin}

Boi..... she be slicing off heads with a knife! A bloody knife! I wish my character could do that... But she weak as hell in the strength department.

Ok... Here's another scene where those voices would come in handy. They would make her dive towards insanity all the greater. I'm reminding myself that there are still more chapters, just so I don't just assume this will be her character for very long. I'd very much like to see the inner machinations of her mind as she drifts toward insanity.

One little thing that I personally dislike about this chapter is how you handled Tempest, the way she just gave up. Being the commander of an army that destroys nations, this can't be the first time she's run into a deadly situation. Hell, she stood up to three princesses (granted, Celestia, Luna, and Cadence aren't exactly battle ready and are just tossed around like ragdolls whenever a big bad shows up).

Those are just my thoughts on the matter. Your story is getting to me more than I thought it would. I will probably comment more if something irks me, but with the recent "Star going insane" thing, I'll keep it in mind so I don't misjudge your story on an unrelated premise.