- Member Since 15th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 1st, 2019
Battle Rarity
The rarest of writing marshmallows.
Battle Rarity
Joined 15th Mar, 2013 ·
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Will this story have any sex scenes, implied or otherwise, where the woman does most or all of the work?
8628611
Perhaps. Only one of the chapters at this time is mostly finished when it comes to plot/drafting. The others are still in the idea phase. I have an overarching "goal" linking most of the chapters together, so such a scenario would have to agree with that to some degree. It's not out of the question though. If there's anypony who would likely have such a scene, it'd be AJ.
If you're going to write a mature story in which participants are mind-controlled, it would be advisable to tag that non-con, since they can't very well consent after being brain-washed, as they aren't in their right minds anymore.
8629568
I'd say that depends on how the mind-control ends up affecting the characters.
Right now, I see mind-control that's non-con as making the character do something they otherwise wouldn't want to do. In this story so far, I don't believe that's how I'd define the sort of "control" at play here. More like a molding/shifting of personal outlook to view the world in a different way. Maybe that'll change depending on how I review the next chapter or later ones that are still ideas on the page; but what is their "right mind" if their very beliefs about themselves shift, and thus, that changes their outlook on something, or someone? I wouldn't really call anything they'd want to do in that position non-con, because in their new mentality, they're fine with it. Sort of how like slutification/bimbofication (even if it's an unwanted transformation) or estrus (which changes a character's "right mind"), isn't inherently non-con despite doing something similar to a character.
8629723
Hmmm, you make a good point, and you did tag the story dark so your intentions are clear. To be safe, I'd say the fetish tag applies, non-con might be redundant here but at the very least you're delving into niche stuff that not everyone might enjoy. Sorry if I'm coming across as demanding, the tag system is new so not everyone even knows about them, but if it's followed it will help people find your work when they want to and help other people not looking for that sort of thing filter it out.
8629731
Thanks for the concern and suggestion, though I don't think it's really necessary at present to do so. If the content of the story shifts as I write to the point where I think it merits that tag, or there are repeated requests or suggestions for it from readers, then I'll be more inclined to add it. Since nothing explicit is 100% complete at present, I can't exactly make that call for certain. We shall see!
8629748
Fair enough, although I'd say if you're going to have fetish warnings the tag itself is probably a good idea. Good luck with your story.
I need more. Hypnosis and mind control fics are awesome
8634064
I've always waned to try my hand at one, and this idea has been in the back of my mind for awhile now. Hopefully, it'll be worth the wait between every update!
8634456
Ok. Well i find them good. Cant wait for ch2
I had a somewhat similar idea, except it was mostly focused on Fluttershy and didn’t involve mind control and was more of a straight up sex cult where Our Town presented itself as an alternative to Equestrian sexual mores, so I’ll have to keep track of this one and see where you take it.
One stumbling block I had is how to end the story -- if Starlight brainwashes everyone and presents her worldview as this wonderful sexual utopia, will it soon go into a protracted conflict with Equestria in the near future? Maybe not a physical war, but a low boil cultural and propaganda war. Seems like that could potentially be more interesting than my original idea in the first place, so ending it right before seems odd, but the conflict would be way too ambitious to write about, at least for me.
Good luck.
8672435
Thanks for the input, and good luck with your story! I have my own ideas about how this tale will cap off, though I doubt it will cause an overt war to erupt between Equestria and the villagers. Rather, I see it more as an insidious undercurrent that gains traction over time, perhaps with the backing of the Elements themselves as "spokespersons" of a cutie-mark free life, like a cult-ideology rather than a nation in itself.
As long as Starlight dies brutally in the end (maybe executed by Celestia?) I'm content.
8768463
Well, that's not likely to happen, so you might wish to skip the rest of the series if that's what you're after. Fair warning!
8768544
Thanks for the feedback, I'll give it a re-read sometime this weekend and see what I end up thinking about the sounds. I've noticed that I tend to go for more "realist" dialogue with grunts and stutters than a more prose-heavy style.
I'm not familiar with that fic you linked in the previous comment, but I'm sure there's plenty of "bad end" variants of what happened in the village. I've only read some of the explicit ones myself, but ever since the episode came out all those years ago, I've wanted to put my own spin on it.
8768558
I see. Not really sure if it's my cup of tea personally; and if it has some similarities to my overall vision for this story series, I'd rather not read it, not until I'm finished anyway. That way, I won't mistaking wind my story to mirror elements of another, and keep any similarities coincidental rather than accidental.
This story is just perfect, it's the exact story story that I have been waiting for that turns out the way I want without skipping on the details of the brainwashing process and even better in it with loots of sex in it. I wonder how will get Party Favor, best guess is Pinky and how he will fully returned to the fold of the town's creed? And what about the rest of the main six and how they will break. Looks like RD is going to be with Double Diamond because they are both sports industrious and she needs someone who can keep up with her restlessness all the time, wonder how they will make her content, and force her to give up her love of flying. I wonder who Twilight is going to get and make her stop wanting to learn more or to get her stuck on the town's dogma, the local teacher maybe? I wonder if the main styles stallion will have a role to play in all of this?
Damn I would have love to do the cover art for this story for how perfect it is
8768647
Glad to hear you liked it! It's the kind of story I wanted since that episode aired too, and my mentality on a lot of my writing concepts is to "write what I want to read!" I see you're an artist according to your account; if you have a concept for a cover-art for this story you'd like to run by me sometime, I'm open to the idea! I usually use screenshots from the shows for most stories with canon characters, but I'm always open to suggestion. I have another story in the drafting-phase with some quick cover-art my BF whipped up, so I'm not averse to the idea. Of course, I'd pay for such a project, if it got that far; however, a lot of the story is still in flux in my head, and just notes on paper.
I don't want to give any plot details away too early, but I've planted the seeds (pun slightly intended) that will grow into the overarching plot that "unites" the six friends under a common purpose for the village. As for Party Favor, him and Pinkie are an obvious paring, but you're right that he went rogue briefly. That should come into play during events. As for RD, who is the next chapter I want to work on, she's got a couple of surprises in store for her, ones that'll likely work to put out the simmering flames of that boundless competitive spirit. "Competition is the selfish desire to win above the needs of others", after all!
8768687 You have no idea how much this story means to me. For the cover art I am a little busy at the moment but I would be open to do a commission for it, we could talk about more on a PM.
How about the mane six's sibling come and try to save them only to get captured and end up joining Our Town, Shining Armor could be manipulated to use his sense of responsibility to shift it to Our Town and think that his love for Cadense is ultimately selfish compared to the needs of the locals, While that freeloader Zephyr would learn the values of hard work and humbleness under the reins of of a strict mistress. Big Mac be with Sugarbell like in cannon. It would be nice to have Sunburst ending up joining them because of his underwhelming magic prowess. maybe he was part of a magic expedition or something.
8768720
Alright, I'm in no rush honestly. Midterms are coming up soon and all that. I have something of an ending in mind, though that's far down the line, and might change with additional characters and chapters. I have to make some OCs or formulate personalities and mannerisms for the story's sake, since a lot of the townsponies either aren't named or developed at all beyond that arc. Maybe, if I feel like making something of an expanded version or a sequel, that might come up, but for now I'm focusing on the Mane Six and their, ahem, "orientation."
8768475
Aww too bad. I stopped watching mlp after Starlight returned. Though I'd get some justice here at least :/
Damn, right in my fetishes... Very nice chapter, can't wait to read more from you! I hope this story gets more attention as you update it, really deserves more eyes on it.
Also I'll take the occasion to note that whenever I see you avatar I can't help but love it. Bookhorse power.
8770242
Thanks a ton, glad to give you and more than a few others a rise! This story is somewhat slow for me to write compared to the smut I've been writing as of late (some of which will be posted later this month), but I hope each chapter is worth the wait. Hearing comments and feedback is certainly nice, but that steady stream of votes, favorites, and the like keeps the motivation going. While I write what I personally want to read, sharing is part of the fun.
I think my avatar is just perfect for what I do, happy to hear somepony else appreciates the newest fashion craze! Books belong on unicorn heads.
I'd also like to add that I've enjoyed a few of your own stories: Specifically, Another Approach and Luna Visits a Stud Farm. I intend to read the Zeppelin story, but haven't gotten around to it yet.
I gotta admit, the idea of Rarity deciding to pack on the pounds to be just like her older, tubby hubby is a complete betrayal of everything she is... and I couldn't have loved it more. Absolutely delightful. Take your time with the next chapter if it means another one as good as this.
Also, I kept imagining Burlap as being as big as Coriander from Spice up Your Life. Rarity's going to be the white land whale if that's the case. XD
8771646
I thought that her doing so would be a very fitting shift away from what Starlight's influence has labeled "selfish" ends; after all, if Rarity's only cared about her appearance because of vanity and a misguided quest to find a rich, royal-blooded, cultured stallion, only for that to seemingly fail every time, what better way to shed those futile pursuits than accept the "love" of a stallion that couldn't care less how she looked? According to the show, Burlap's stature isn't quite as tubby as Coriander's, so I imagined that he has a bit of hidden muscle underneath the blubber from hauling bundles of fabric everywhere. Still, Rarity might try to out-do him in that regard, just to mold herself into the most homely mare in the village. Putting on some weight after a few foals should certainly help in that regard, and give Burlap some more cushion for the pushin'! Weight-gaining isn't really a kink of mine (save for when related to pregnancy), but I felt like it really sold the shift in Rarity's outlook and personality when coupled with her forsaking makeup, diets, and all things high-fashion as trifles. Even without those things, Rarity would still have a beautiful body, but she's willing to give up even than to find a better purpose in the village, with a worthy stallion.
As for the next chapter, it'll be harder to write than this one, since I'll have to develop a couple original characters and finish a few in-progress fics first. My plan is to use each chapter as something of a character study on the mare involved; what's important to them, why they value that aspect of themselves, and how Starlight's magic and their own defeated feelings shape that into a vice against the community that welcomes them so eagerly with open arms.
8772356
I've always had an interest in the 'bad ending' scenario where the hero is twisted or bends to the villain's ideology. I'm not sure why it fascinates me, maybe I like seeing a character pull a 180 or maybe I just like seeing a goody-two-shoes get humiliated.
But I agree that Rarity's humiliation (and let's be fair that's what it is) was perfectly done. A prim and proper lady forcibly though subtly altered to accept and even desire the life out of the spotlight as a plain, plump housewife? Delightful. And it's undoubtedly a safer life than going out to save equestria every month.
It does leave me to speculate about your next moves, and how you may prove me wrong. I'd rather not pollute your efforts with my input, but... it does leave me wondering if the girls will break free and live with the consequences, accept their new lives and spread the magic of equality, or get their marks back and come to realize that Starlight was right about being happier without them when their artificial marks aren't making them uniformly content.
8772752
I'm a fan of that concept too, along with contrasts; characters changing drastically in outlook, appearance, and the like, or being paired with characters that are very different from themselves.
I'm not certain I'd call it humiliation, since that would require the subject to be humiliated themselves because of the change; here though, Rarity is quite content with forsaking her beauty, so I'd probably label it more as a form of corruption or mental conditioning taking hold. It's not a glamorous life to be a tailor's doting housewife, but lusting for the spotlight of fleeting high-society attention instead of her hard-working fiancee's affections would be awfully selfish of a pony who is supposed to embody generosity, after all.
I'll not spoil anything, but I do have a vision for how the story pans out in the end, in a way that unites all the chapters towards a few shared elements.
If you will pardon the expression, Rarity will soon become as fat as a horse.
8774116
I don't believe I've heard that expression before, but in looking for it, I found out that there's such a thing as a Clothes Horse, which is somewhat literally what Rarity is.
Putting this in my faves, this looks like a good start. I'm a little unsure of the eventual direction (which you are rightly not spoiling in comments), a story about how the mane 6 lose their cutie marks and are successfully manipulated by evil Starlight isn't my cup of tea, though this story isn't tagged Tragedy so I'm figuring there is more to it than a record of them succumbing to Starlight's toxic philosophy and having sex. Dark implies that while things go wrong they are not completely defeated in the end, but maybe changed in their outlooks and lifestyles however things end up.
Also watching in the hopes of seeing some chubby marshmallow Rarity, most weight gain quickly flies off into immobility and that's not really me. But a Rarity choosing to quit her diet and enjoy letting herself go bit absolutely is (look at her mom, Cookie Crumbles, compared to Twilight Velvet; Rarity is predisposed to plumpness). My headcanon is that Rares always goes to her friends to model her clothes and in Green isn't your Color Photo Finish doesn't consider taking pictures of her in favor of Fluttershy's thin model figure is because she already struggles a bit with her weight. That this decision doesn't seem to be based on Starlight's manipulations is also a plus in my book, she's accepting she doesn't have to be waifish like Fluttershy and Sassy Saddles to be happy. I'm hoping we readers get to see a bit of that pudge if this goes on for a few months in story. Even if it is through the other girls noticing her expanding proportions during their own indoctrination chapters.
Nice story. I will for sure be looking forward for more, but I have to say the confession of love back and forth went on way to long. Other than that, this was pretty awesome.
8777357
Glad you liked it, thanks for the feedback! That's a bit of a weakness of mine that I've seen in a few of my drafts too, with the back-and-forth going on a tad too long. Sometimes it's hard to tell when words should turn to action until I stumble upon the moment that seems right.
8777226
Thanks for the fave! I wouldn't really call this a tragedy, I think that's somewhat of a melodramatic tag for a story that is primarily pornographic/erotica in nature. I would say that the overall course of events are quite dark though, at least in the "bad end" sort of way, though what there are different levels of what people consider dark content.
I believe there will be callbacks to earlier events and chapters as the story progresses, but it's not likely to get into the minutia of daily life in the village. I have a clear vision for how long and far things will go, a set amount of chapters I'd like to write. I do see that potential with her parent's bodies as being predisposed to being chubby, and that she's likely had to work harder than some ponies for the figure she has now, which makes her giving it up all the more proof of how far she's willing to give into the village rhetoric. Starlight isn't making her do that though, it's part of her own devotion to the ideal that Starlight's encouraged with her propaganda and equal-mark magic, an influence that I want to try and keep as a subtle current undermining the outlook and beliefs of each character in different ways. If I'm not getting too ahead of myself, I've already got a few ideas for how the changes implied through the story are showcased near the end of it, but I'd rather not put the cart before the horse
.
8777509
Yeah, I overthink things. Looks like you have a full plan for your first long story, good luck man. Just don't ignore your classes.
8777412
Normally you don't need that much at all. Like the first time they say they love each other is all they need, then go into the fucking then the talk of baby making (which was hot btw). Sometimes simpler is better when it comes to dialog. Unless its about baby making, then you can have all the details you want. Mmmph.
8778274
In that case, I'll have to linger on the more productive (or should I say "reproductive?") topics of conversation!
What a strong start for the group's corruption. Looking forward to the next one!
Also, I wasn't expecting to find something heartwarming in a story about wicked, twisted Starlight playing with the ponies like they're Barbie and Ken dolls, but Rarity being portrayed as a happy, homely housewife got me right in the feels. Such a great handling of her character!
8799746
Thanks! That's high praise coming from you in my eyes. Rarity was the pony I was most invested in writing for (I wonder why?), and I didn't exactly want this story to be the typical mind-wipe material where character traits or motivations are kinda rendered inert to get them on board. That would be pretty boring to write and wouldn't let me play with the characters very much. Instead, I wanted the ideology and Starlight's mental-meddling to work along with whomever the characters are "paired" to, and explore how they'd end up settling into a happy (or mostly happy) place in her little commune. Plus, writing lovey-dovey sex is fun, and writing it for Rarity foal-making is even better!
When can we expect the next chapter?
8907889
I'm behind schedule on updating this story, thanks to college and getting side-tracked by a few other side-project stories that I want to get off my plate. Once my finals are done and those side-stories are complete, starting the next part of this story is the next thing on my list!
Any ETA on the next chapter? I'm really looking forward to seeing how you tackle Rainbow.
8978773
Not sure, been falling behind because I've been sick the last two weeks. I wanna aim to finish two smaller stories this month, then I can focus on this story again for the remainder of the summer.
It's a great story so far. When can we expect the next chapter?
9084351
Glad you've liked it! I've been more than a bit distracted/busy as of late creatively, but once I finish 3 other smaller projects (revising a story I intend to post later this month, and finishing the half-done drafts of 2 others that'll be posted later on, hopefully), penning chapter 3 is my next goal, since I've got the story outline more or less finished. Not sure when that'll be honestly, but hopefully sooner rather than later!
Yes I enjoyed the story, I can only sincerely hope that this will have an ending where the dark Starlight glimmer can actually triumph....
9100865
Thanks! We shall see on that front when I begin putting Chapter 3 on paper though, if this is an alternate ending story, a "bad end" is kinda par for the course; for the Mane Six at least.
9101735
You would think it par for the course, but I have seen a lot of writers who wanted to force a happy ending (well happy for the protagonists anyways) I really do love your creativity, and you have put forward a realistic (not to mention arousing) fantasy (so far) that very well allows me to suspend disbelief.
I hope you will continue...
I was rather worried, this story is SO good...but seems to have fizzled?
9171380
IRL's gotten in the way a lot, especially over the last three months.
9172608
That happens to may stories, even mine, I hope things clear up for you soon and you can continue...you really are quite good.