When Maud was on her way to visit Pinkie Pie, two peculiar salesponies approach her from out of the blue, ready with some smirks on their faces and a stall filled with their wares.
Maud is somewhat interested. Slightly.
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- Member Since 15th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Comma Typer
Horse-words writer believing in the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, creatively crafting stories in imitation of a creatively crafting God. Consider this: Are you sure you're going to Heaven?
Comma Typer
Joined 15th Sep, 2014 ·
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This was cute.
Cute story. Twilight and Starlights dialogue was kinda weird. That you had Twilight tell Starlight: "you're only commanded me about this matter this once and this once only. " Seemed really out of character and mean spirited. When they first start talking to Pinkie it seemed like Starlight was the one who disliked Pinkies behaviour, but it changed to Twilight and then back to Starlight at the end. You wrote Maud decently enough, I wish you had expanded on her thoughts about The Film Flam Brothers schemes. You wrote a very stereotypical Pinkie Pie. Not a lot of depth or character, mostly loud and excited. The story is cute and I think it's a neat concept. Never read a story where Maud interacts much with Flim or Flam.
8416691
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Concerning Twilight and Starlight, in hindsight, it was the most out-of-place. Looks like I need to think about their interactions and their relationship with each other more deeply.
About Maud and her thoughts about Flim and Flam, I agree that it was something I should have touched upon more. Coming from what you said, stories about Maud with Flim and Flam are quite rare.
Writing Pinkie Pie as a character seems easy, but you're right: Pinkie Pie was somewhat flanderized here. If I imagined that it was one of the mirror clones of her and thought out the rest of the story in exactly the way I wrote it out here, then there wouldn't be much of a difference.
On a side note, I'm interested in the odd, unusual mix up of characters for stories like Maud and the Flim Flam Brothers. I plan to write another one and publish around this Saturday.
Again, thanks for the criticism. I'll keep your points in mind. :)
The Flim Flam Brothers got Maud'd!!!!