Twilight, as a result of a magical experiment gone wrong, has disappeared. Several months pass with no sign of her whereabouts. Hope was nearly lost until a faint whiff of her magic was felt in a far away universe. Discord takes it upon himself to rescue the young alicorn. However, many years have passed for Twilight. Long enough for her to nearly give up hope in seeing Equestria again, and long enough for her to build ties to this new world. Now, Twilight must choose where she belongs.
Chapters (1)
Interesting Idea.
Sequel, maybe?
An excellent read, I quite enjoyed that.
Also, this seems to fit quite well.
I think that this is very interesting because not many people can do this. Stories like this where a character finds a new home (a pony reaching our world or a human in equestria) usually end happy by staying in the new home because to go back would be the author admitting that a little bit of himself that they should abandon their dreaming.
In this instance twilight decides to stay in her new home because equestria became a dream to her and she had to come to terms in being in this new reality and if she accepted discord's request then she would be abandoning her life, the life she spent building up for 10 years.
Anyway great story, 10/10 would read again
It's... it's raining.
Yeah. Raining
very nice bby
well done
That was beautiful and bittersweet. I have to keep my tears in check after reading this, you know.
I liked the premise but there was no real conflict. Maybe if Twilight had not been living the perfect middle-class, married life or Equestria had been in dire need of her this story could have had a really interesting dilemma at it's core but as it is this feels like the conclusion to a far more interesting story.
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Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I'm super glad y'all enjoyed it!
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I have an idea for a follow-up, but it might be a little while before I can get to it. I'm working on the next chapter of The Pale Alicorn right now.
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I'm glad you liked the idea, and I appreciate the feedback. I have a few ideas to implement if I ever decide to rewrite this, but I'll keep your advice under consideration.
Whoa, this was a very eloquent story in the spirit of the show. What I appreciate the most is you took something that could have easily turned into an utter tragedy--and indeed your narrative earns its sad label--and given us something beautiful in spite of, and even due in part to its tragic aspects.
If Twilight got stuck in another dimension for over ten years, without any clear means to return home, it does make sense she would build a life for herself there. I love that Twilight makes the best of her situation, and manages to find happiness while paying homage to the ponies who helped her reach that point in her life.
I also enjoyed your treatment of Discord. He's truly sincere as a friend to Twilight and all the characters in Equestria, which does a wonderful job of reflecting how far he has developed as well. Rather than drag Twilight back to Equestria, he respects her opinion and views.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful!
Loved reading this, very interesting idea, with bittersweet ending, overall a great read.
It would be interesting to see a continuation, there's certainly possibilities.
perhaps seeing Twilight's early days adjusting to the human world
or her time with her husband
or a sequel concerning her raising her daughter
or maybe the mane 6 arriving there in future
so many posibilities.
good story it hit me in the feels
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Personally, I thought "having to choose which of her lives to give up" was a big enough conflict, even if Twilight had basically decided years ago and was only now putting it into words. Perhaps that could have been more evident if she'd shown awareness for how the choice would impact her friends and family back "home," but that detachment actually fits.
As requested a quick mini-review.
Generally:
I quite liked this story. It's an interesting concept and the story tells it pretty well.
I do have a few problems with the style, though - first of all with the word usage -- while nothing is outright wrong, a lot of times complex words or high-vaulting language is used where simpler one would fit much better (e.g. "bore" is used several times where it just doesn't quite fit) or Celestia falling on her knees and wailing
and rending her garmentsis way over the top.Second, the style is somewhat choppy, especially in the first half of the fic. While it does make it more somber and melancholic, it is a bit abrasive. Especially egregious bits definitely need polish, especially
I understand that this bit is choppy by design, but it's also unnecessarily hard to follow, with constant changes in the actor every sentence.
And
Again, the choppiness comes from the design, but the sentences don't really follow each other in a meaningful way. This is a bit weird.
Last, I think this piece does a bit of a disservice to the characters. Discord is definitely way too serious. Granted this is supposed to be a somber piece, but he's just not being Discord other than in appearance. I'd think making it about Luna finding Twilight in her dreams perhaps would work better - Luna can be grave and serious and it would make sense. For Discord -- you're just not using his potential.
Twilight... well, Twilight I think has been greatly diminished in this story. I can definitely see her settling and "going native" without much problem, but what I don't see her as is sitting at home in a hurt/comfort relationship with somebody who was literally the first person to come along, and doing mostly nothing with her life until she "goes to university to pass the time". It could be changed easily without altering the story too much, and it would fit Twilight much better if she was more proactive in the past.
The waxing poetic about humans (with inconsistent capitalization no less) is a bit unnecessary as well. It adds nothing to the story - Twilight stays not because she likes humanity, but because of
the Stockholm Syndromerather specific humans that she loves and who allegedly love her back, because she has a life here. The bit on the awesomeness of humans adds nothing to the fic.So all in all, again it is a nice piece with a good idea at its core, but I think it chooses the wrong characters to express it and while decent, it's not great with its style.
I really like this story. I wanna see more of this please like how twilight met her husband and how she got here before discord found her.
I like these kind of stories though no one ever seems to want to go all in on the premise, but at least I can still enjoy these stories even if they are short.
I would like to see what everypony else thought of the situation
HOLY this was good. Nice job.