All bubble-blowing fillies will be beaten senseless by every able bodied pony in the bar (bar).
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My story didn't begin in Equestria. It began on a place that I like to call Earth. Only I know the pain I went through coming here, and it will likely never leave me. Luckily, I have friends to keep me on my feet. Maybe there's somepony out there who might understand. At least... I hope there is.
This story has been reviewed multiple times. Both can be found below in the comments. Big thanks!
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Why the hell do you need a "trigger warning"
8289091
Because some people really hate when a story involves pony x human, that's why. I'll assume you're the one that disliked this, since you seem hostile in your comment.
8289099
I think he's just confused at the idea that it has a trigger warning. Seems like an interesting concept to me. We'll see if I time to read it sometime.
8293003
Appreciate it.
8293065
I myself am exploring a romance relationship between a human and a pony, however it's a little more complex than that. I'll send you a link of the story when I start putting it up.
Poignant and enjoyable. I missed reading stories like these
8350892
Thanks for the critique! I really enjoyed writing this one. Felt like some things needed to be said, and realism had to be put forth in the idea. Hard to accept, but you WOULD have to give up so much to live in Equestria.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Hope I see you around some of my other stories.
8350971 Thanks for writing it. Reading it was a treat made all the more enjoyable by your reply. I'll keep an eye out for the next one
8350990
Glad to have you on board among my team of followers, Ebon.
This review is brought to you by the group. 'A for Effort'.
Name of the story: Equestria: The Land I Love and Hate
Score out of 10: 6.0
Hmm... I had to think on this one a bit before posting.
Pros: Interesting enough to keep me reading, even through the lengthy exposition. The concept of being whisked off to another world has probably crossed many of our minds, and therefore, is particularly relatable.
Jack is odd, for reasons I can't quite put my hoof on. He's unique in his own way, though some of his dialog puts me off.
Twilight is relatively in character, a concerned friend and worrywart for life.
Cons: While Jack's experience was relatable, Jack himself was not, at least for me. He seemed to be a bit of an arse, moping everyday and not taking the effort to actually enjoy the life he has. There really isn't any redeeming qualities about the character, and while that's not an issue in itself, it just gave me no reason to care.
I find it a little odd that Twilight has yet to find the way to open the portal. She's so meticulous about casting spells that it shouldn't take her long to recreate the anomaly and get him home. This issue is made relatively moot when Jack is uncertain if he even wants to go back. Then there's the joke about Twilight being interesting in Jack's body, which didn't quite land for me.
Found a good handful of mistakes, needs a good comb-over by an editor or two.
To summarize: An interesting premise with decent prose and pace. The ending is tied up at the end, at least, though I can't say I took anything memorable with me.
8373308
I appreciate the review, but... this didn't help me. I don't make a character relate to a reader when it isn't my intention, man. That's dumb. He's his own person, not a 2nd person reference to you. If that was the case, I would have written it in 2nd person. And of course he would be moping; he lost his friends, his family, and everything he had going for him. I doubt anyone would just be able to bounce right back after that.
I can give you credit for pointing out Twilight not being able to reopen the portal, but you should be able to suspend your disbelief at least a little. Maybe she experimenting with a bunch of different spells, or maybe the fabric between the worlds is just wound so tight. Her being interested in Jack's body isn't a joke; I like to think it actually fits her character quite well. The only creature close to Jack's body-form is the one residing the EQG universe, but this one is more prominent: more normal, yet more unique. It's a new species she would have the chance to study.
Now, I don't expect (or want) a ten out of ten score if it isn't near perfection, and this certainly isn't, but I at least expect some logic behind the score - regardless of how high or low it is.
Solid piece of writing. The only notable error I found in the grammar was here:
This is redundant. It should read "I begin to think," or, "I begin thinking".
Review on PCaRG to follow. Thumbs up for your time.
8411644
Ah, good eye. I'll quickly fix that error. Can't wait to read the review. Thanks for taking the time to do such a thing!
Your story has been reviewed by the Pleasant Commentator and Review Group.