• Member Since 7th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 14th, 2023

Jake Shadow Wings


Comments ( 29 )

Good start, and next chapter:
Big shock, the spell was to weak for the over potent Twilight and Lyra gets pregment with triplets.:pinkiehappy:

8262381
Yeah it does. It is still good though.

8262381

8262403

This was inspired by Twilight's misadventures, but there will be major differences as the story goes on. I actually have twilight's misadventures up so I can be sure I'm not copying it. There will be similarities, but that's not surprising when there are only so many ways you can write a futa twilight story. That said Twilight's having external testicles is one of the first ways I did things differently, and Twilight more saw spike as a brother than son in Fusion Fool's story

8262393
I thought about doing that, but for now...no. I figure the spell is at it's strongest when Twilight fucked Lyra, could the spell degrade we'll see. Maybe one of the other characters in the story is going to get preggers from an over powered Twilight's over productive testes. Of course next chapter should be out sooner rather than later cause I already chose a chapter title and it takes place a few years in the future from puberty.

Well, it can't be too much long for word to get out about papa Twilight. I wonder how Twilight's move to Ponyville will affect the relationship between the three?

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Not to spoil anything but we'll learn a little about that starting next chapter. Of course Twilight will want to be a part of her kid's life so I will be showing that side of her.

whether to call they’re youngest child their son or daughter.

They're = they are
'Their' is the word you're looking for.

Phrasing and formatting could use work, but otherwise pretty good! I look forward to more. :twilightsmile:

urinating from her vaginal passage

I was very surprised to look it up and learn that this isn't as wrong as I thought. However, while they do have the same hole, the vagina is still separate from the bladder.

I wonder what the families of these 3 going to react.
good story, good start, u have me hook, I need more

8262416
mmm good to knew, I cant wait for update. I have feeling twilight going to have a good size of loyal needy herd....

8262416 Wow, I didn't expect to inspire someone to write this, everything leading up to the sex part felt like it was written better than how I wrote my mess of a story. So long as you have a good grip of what you want to do and don't fall down the hole I fell in when I wrote it. May I remind everyone seeing this comment. The Misadventures was originally a one-shot before it exploded, dood.

I'm gonna watch this, for FUTA-TWILIGHT! Of course my only annoyance is the pregnancy but this a mild thing that you shouldn't worry about it, dood.

Yeah, this could use some work. It's not bad, but it's a lot more telling than showing. The dialogue isn't right (in my opinion) either. No matter who was talking, the undertone of it all was the same. When you switch between characters, everything about how you write should change to fit that character. If they're speaking, then they speak their own way. If we're seeing the world from their point of view, then the way the world is described needs to change.

I'm sorry. i'm not very good at getting my point across through text, unless I get really long-winded.

Umm this si way too fast and rushed i didnt care for it.
the first chapter was ten time better then this chapter.

“Why not?” She shrugged and he said “You know Grandma said you need to get it checked out monthly to make sure you aren’t breaking the spell.”

Twilight laughed and said “Spike I don’t plan on having sex with anyone. If I become active again I’ll start getting the spell cast on me again."

How much you wanna bet that Luna is now with child? I guess Twilight was never a filly scout. Otherwise, she would have remembered the motto "Always Be Prepared.'

8270761
Well, to be fair, this was just the series premiere so no need to rewrite it.

So any mare goes bad becomes many of Twilight Dusk Sparkle's bitches.

I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon :twilightsmile:

Christ, where would I begin? The pacing is really fast, it's more telling than showing, the lack of proper punctuation is murder, the characters don't talk anywhere close to real people (they overstate things, give unnecessary descriptions of what they're doing, etc. It's that they are all doing those things that makes it not ok.).

I do think this could be a good story, but I seriously suggest getting an experienced editor.

Alright then. Decent grammar and a solid premise. I'll give this a read.

When is the next chapter going to be up, and ready to read. :rainbowhuh: Its been like 2 freaking years now. :twilightangry2:

Why are your characters so emotionless? Is that how dialogue sounds in your head, or is the cardboard cutout thing on purpose, or what? Lustful scenes should avoid the “L” word:(

good story so far but I check your story list and saw your haven't updated any of your stories in a while.

you still posting?

Interesting story...

Sadly it looks pretty dead :(

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