Jake Shadow Wings
Joined 7th Feb, 2013 ·
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this reminds me of this twilights-misadventures-and-apologies-to-the-readers
Good start, and next chapter:
Big shock, the spell was to weak for the over potent Twilight and Lyra gets pregment with triplets.
8262381
Yeah it does. It is still good though.
8262381
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This was inspired by Twilight's misadventures, but there will be major differences as the story goes on. I actually have twilight's misadventures up so I can be sure I'm not copying it. There will be similarities, but that's not surprising when there are only so many ways you can write a futa twilight story. That said Twilight's having external testicles is one of the first ways I did things differently, and Twilight more saw spike as a brother than son in Fusion Fool's story
8262393
I thought about doing that, but for now...no. I figure the spell is at it's strongest when Twilight fucked Lyra, could the spell degrade we'll see. Maybe one of the other characters in the story is going to get preggers from an over powered Twilight's over productive testes. Of course next chapter should be out sooner rather than later cause I already chose a chapter title and it takes place a few years in the future from puberty.
Well, it can't be too much long for word to get out about papa Twilight. I wonder how Twilight's move to Ponyville will affect the relationship between the three?
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Not to spoil anything but we'll learn a little about that starting next chapter. Of course Twilight will want to be a part of her kid's life so I will be showing that side of her.
They're = they are
'Their' is the word you're looking for.
Phrasing and formatting could use work, but otherwise pretty good! I look forward to more.
I was very surprised to look it up and learn that this isn't as wrong as I thought. However, while they do have the same hole, the vagina is still separate from the bladder.
I wonder what the families of these 3 going to react.
good story, good start, u have me hook, I need more
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mmm good to knew, I cant wait for update. I have feeling twilight going to have a good size of loyal needy herd....
8262416
Ahh. Very well then.
8262416 Wow, I didn't expect to inspire someone to write this, everything leading up to the sex part felt like it was written better than how I wrote my mess of a story. So long as you have a good grip of what you want to do and don't fall down the hole I fell in when I wrote it. May I remind everyone seeing this comment. The Misadventures was originally a one-shot before it exploded, dood.
I'm gonna watch this, for FUTA-TWILIGHT! Of course my only annoyance is the pregnancy but this a mild thing that you shouldn't worry about it, dood.
Yeah, this could use some work. It's not bad, but it's a lot more telling than showing. The dialogue isn't right (in my opinion) either. No matter who was talking, the undertone of it all was the same. When you switch between characters, everything about how you write should change to fit that character. If they're speaking, then they speak their own way. If we're seeing the world from their point of view, then the way the world is described needs to change.
I'm sorry. i'm not very good at getting my point across through text, unless I get really long-winded.
Split personality???! AAAAWWWWW YYYEEEAAAHHHHH!!!
Umm this si way too fast and rushed i didnt care for it.
the first chapter was ten time better then this chapter.
How much you wanna bet that Luna is now with child? I guess Twilight was never a filly scout. Otherwise, she would have remembered the motto "Always Be Prepared.'
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Well, to be fair, this was just the series premiere so no need to rewrite it.
So any mare goes bad becomes many of Twilight Dusk Sparkle's bitches.
I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more soon
Christ, where would I begin? The pacing is really fast, it's more telling than showing, the lack of proper punctuation is murder, the characters don't talk anywhere close to real people (they overstate things, give unnecessary descriptions of what they're doing, etc. It's that they are all doing those things that makes it not ok.).
I do think this could be a good story, but I seriously suggest getting an experienced editor.
Is it dead, Jim?? Or just in a coma??
Alright then. Decent grammar and a solid premise. I'll give this a read.
When is the next chapter going to be up, and ready to read.
Its been like 2 freaking years now. 
Why are your characters so emotionless? Is that how dialogue sounds in your head, or is the cardboard cutout thing on purpose, or what? Lustful scenes should avoid the “L” word:(
good story so far but I check your story list and saw your haven't updated any of your stories in a while.
you still posting?
Please update
More good
Interesting story...
Sadly it looks pretty dead :(
Hope there's more to come.