- Member Since 17th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen January 16th
Zaralann
I came and I brought bad luck...
Zaralann
Joined 17th Jan, 2014 ·
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intresting you have my attention question though is twi leaving equestria via the gate or is something going to come
8253132 1. Thank you.
2. Glad to hear it.
3. A little bit of both, and I won't Spoil it for you until the actual Action will kick-in.
8253171 1. Thank you!
2. Glad to hear!
Holy Sh*t my dream finally came true...
8253184 You dreamed about this particular Crossover?
bases on the GATE managa/anime? this will be interesting read
I wish you the best of luck. Now I truly know I'm not the only one writing Gate-inspired Fimfiction!
Finally, a MLP/GATE crossover! This ought to be good.
Good, very good....
Who will inflict more p41n to Zorzal the Fool, Twi-chan or the JSDF?
When did Twilight turn into Grommash Hellscream?
Well, Zaralann, you've made me intensely interested with another of your stories, while you still have plenty others for me to remain obsessed with; good on you, dude.
Technically speaking, a spell that dampens sound either deflects or nullifies sound waves; and as sound waves are technically vibrations, an overpowered [Dome of Silence] should either dull or redirect vibrations to some extent.
8253241 1. Mostly on Anime.
2. Yep, it sure will!😉
8253299 1. Thank you!
2. Saw yours... Too much 'Fallout' in that one...
8253307 1. Yep!
2. You bet! This will be one of my big projects!
8253311 1. Thank you!
2. Ehhh, not sure just yet, I'll flip a coin when the time will come.
8253488 Well, she needed to win the 'Hearts and Minds' of everyone, and those were some beautiful words...
8253495 Thank you, glad to hear that my writing is so popular with others!
8253506 The sphere of Magic doesn't go through solid objects, therefore it won't damper the vibrations going through the wood.
Before I read this, what is the Gore, and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
8253825 1. 'Gate' is an Anime.
2. These Tags are there because of War, slavery, rape and other things that the Gate-Verse is full of.
3. How bad? Think Warcraft.
Since GATE is coming stateside on July 11th this is a great way to get hyped for it.
You need a proofreader and an editor. You have a ton of incidents where you should have 'a' but have 'an' instead, as well as basic spelling errors and incorrect words.
The story has promise, though. Seriously interesting premise, but work on those basics because it was painful to read.
8253825
The best way to understand the need for a gore tag is what happens at the start of the other source:
A gate between a fantasy world and Tokyo opens, with an army coming through the gate to attack whatever is there, take slaves, etc. While the army has some initial success, one the police are able to deploy their riot and tactical units the attack is stalled. Once JSDF air support gets there, all the dragons die. Once mech infantry shows up, troops armed with spears get to discover what it is like to be under fire by things like 20mm chain guns.
The JSDF responds to this incursion by setting up a base on the other side of the gate. The empire that made the initial attack does not like this and throws tens of thousands of troops at a modern battalion scaled force that is dug in and doesn't have to worry about collateral damage. The result is exactly as one might expect.
What is this a crossover of?
All Twilight has to do is find Rory Mercury and all her problems will be solved
pm1.narvii.com/5847/e1b85d62e7e1c81da0f33b7ea4b1f0b0cd662a06_hq.jpg
8253834
Warcraft or Warhammer?
8253912
better grammar then a lot of stories I've read, this has promise. i think to keep the story rolling it should only be edited (like what your talking about) every 5 chapters, keeps people interested and gives new comers the ability to read without....what's that word......a biased view of what the story will be
8253845 Ehhh... Hazzah?
8253912 1. Have an Auto-Corrector that automatically change 'a' into 'an', I'm trying to fix it.
2. Thank you and I will!
8254020 That's mostly true, but you have to remember that Empire also practices slavery, rape, etc., so I'm pretty sure that the Tag should be there due to mostly them.
8254341 'Gate: Thus the JSDF Fought There!'
8254793 That's not all, but it will help her somewhat.
8254892 'World of Warcraft'.
8256262 1. Thank you, it always good to hear that your work is appreciated.
2. I'm not sure about what type of 'Editing' you're talking about.
8259582
Dark and gory is worse in warhammer, even the fantasy version (to which Warcraft owes it's very existence)
8259694 Yeah, but the themes of 'Warhammer' are a bit off for what I'm planning for this Story to become at a later Chapters.
8259582 This enough proof?
8261249 ... I already saw both Seasons in Russian, so I don't see what hype is all about...
8261274
Huh? Did not expect that.
8253683
I don't think I understand when you said it had too much Fallout
8261294 We, Russians, make good translation within hours after the Episode is released.
8262459 The whole thing with the War, the whole 'Recovering from Fires of Battlefield and then plunged into Another' shtick... Too close to what usual 'Fallout'-esque Fics are all about.
Every time I see a new story you make with an anime I enjoy, it's like Christmas in July.
8265089 Glad to hear it!
8256262
While it's true that there are stories with worse grammar out there, that doesn't mean that poor grammar is acceptable. The only reason I pushed through the horrendous errors was because I was interested in seeing if the concept was well done. I ended up skimming the end in order to avoid having to decipher what each sentence was meant to be.
I agree with Voidine, this story is in dire need of an editor. Putting a chapter out prior to editing is a good way to lose readers. I'd be willing to assist if needed.
I don't quite follow what you mean by "a biased view of what the story will be."
All that said, I don't mean to be rude or say that there is anything wrong with the author, just that there are improvements that can be made. I'm very curious to see how the story progresses over the next couple of chapters. I was a bit disappointed that this chapter was essentially just rewriting the first episode, but hopefully we'll get something in the next one.
8276772
by "biased view" i mean writing a story in a crappy way making the actual story seem like a crappy one.
you know, spelling like a caveman but having a great story makes people think the story is shit or they just don't have what it takes to push through the sludge
8278040
That's exactly what's happening here, though. If the story doesn't go through the editing phase prior to release, you run the risk of having an abundance of errors that distract from the message being conveyed. The story may be interesting, but is a slog to read through.
8278122
i guess i get what your saying, i'm used to much more crap in stories so to me this seems perfectly alright but to others it could very well be garbage. still it's best not to push TOO hard, that kinda pressure can make writers lose their motivation.
8278173
I understand completely, and I hope the story does continue. I'm quite curious how they'll execute on the concept. This story is actually what prompted me to watch GATE
As I said, my intention isn't to just berate the author for their mistakes. It's important to explain one's experience with the story so that improvements can be made in future efforts. If you don't know there's a problem, you don't know to fix it. Another pair of eyes on the work does wonders for spotting stuff the writer's mind glosses over automatically since they are very familiar with their intended message. Like I said before, I'm willing to help if there are difficulties finding other editors/pre-readers.
Those numbers are off.
This girl is from goddess kiss
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/goddesskiss/images/4/45/9ftL4sAifoQ.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170523111256
175cm tall weighs 55kg.
36-23-35 inches.
The twilight numbers 177cm tall no weight 37-22-32 inches based on the the cm.
Don't ask why a Japanese game dose height in cm and measurements in inches. But based on the character numbers I think twilights seem off.
when can we expect the next chapter?
I wonder how competent the Royal Guard will be in this story.
Love
Is this story dead?
9775697
Probably.