- Member Since 17th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Last Thursday
Zaralann
I came and I brought bad luck...
Zaralann
Joined 17th Jan, 2014 ·
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I haven't read the story, but the summary is full of Randomly Capitalized Words. The fastest way to turn away a potential reader is with a poorly edited summary.
7605095 That's just my way of writing things...
7605102 Don't worry dude, I do it some times too
Well this is a good start to a story. I have to agree on the fact that not many people actually think on the negatives to wanting to be in a fictional world. I for one can happily say that I do think on the negatives along with the positives to such things. Anyway the fact that your character wants to remain in the background is actually a smart thing to do. Drawing attention to yourself in this situation is never a good thing since that will make it harder to do what you need to do to be prepared. The looting of the two dragon hoards is also smart since who in their right mind wouldn't take the abandoned treasure hoard of a dragon if they could get away with it? Course just because your character isn't going to actively try to draw attention to herself doesn't mean she shouldn't do her best to get as strong as she could in case things go horribly wrong such as the fact that she has been put into the body of Moondancer or she can't avoid certain things such as the changeling invasion and has to fight off some of the changelings. It's always best to have a backup plan in case plan A fails along with backup plans for after plan B. Having the gamer ability just makes it easier to have the skills to be able to pull off the backup plans in case one of the others fail. Also the idea of going to the library in the old castle is smart since for one there are bound to be many books that could either give skills or be useful in making your own skills. Also since the place is ruined it's doubtful anyone, even Celestia or Luna would question a bunch of books missing since I doubt Celestia took more than just what could be labeled as 'Forbidden' or 'Dark Magic' since I'm certain at the time she was feeling depression from banishing her sister to the moon. As for the bestiary you showed in the story I again have to agree since given the size of the forest I doubt the only things living in it are a river serpent, Timber Wolves, Ursa, Manticores and Cockatrices. Though I do question the part of her referring to the Everfree as 'sane' but I guess it was in reference to the fact that it's the only 'like Earth' spot in the show since everything there, even the weather, works on it's own without pony involvement. Anyway I kind of rambled in this review. In summary, good start to a story can't wait for the next chapter.
7605186 1) Thank you for your honest opinion!
2) Yes, about Everfree I was talking about the Weather and how Ponies doesn't control it there.
3) This will be a very rare Type of a Fic where the Adventures of the Main Character won't often touch the Main Plot, other than preventing some thing or salvaging the Spoils that everyone missed or simply didn't care to actually take with them.
I wonder if she can levitate herself or would that need a high-level levitation to pull off? or how about a gamer sky eye skill? the whole guide the character around while having a 360 view of the world surrounding them to broaden their view and assess the situation instead of the first person view sound cool but must be distorting in ways since it might be a mix of complex stuff and skills being used but as harry Dresden like to point out wizards cheat maybe she figure something out once she in a place of knowledge or get an idea for it.
I'm looking forward to the chapters to come but I do hope there a mix of skills and interactions like maybe learning skills or spells from someone like I'm sure it not too weird to ask a unicorn how they do a spell to try it yourself like that gem finding spell must be good one to learn or asking for lessons from a class or so I'm sure
7605201 1) No Spoilers about her Skills.
2) Why would she want a TPV?
7605215 Well...
7605499 Wut?
7605510 Why did you put up the same chapter twice?
Well this looks interesting. Tried plugging those measurements into a simulator and got a horrific monster. Did you use the metric system? To be fair though I've never not gotten a horrific monster from that thing.
EDIT: Shit missed the cm. Ha! Anyway this is an interesting looking character.
EDIT2: Ok that looks much better. She must be what, 1.6 meters? Fairly petite. Realistically proportioned. Nice job. Not entirely sure why the measurements were necessary but that was fun anyway. I like the idea of her just being a scavenger who hangs around and steals shit from the enemies they defeat.
7605540 Eh? What do you mean?
7605571 1) Can you link the thing you used for that? I really want to find a proper body-modulator.
2) SPOILER ALERT: STR, VIT and DEX affect the physical appearance so with the progress she will grow physically too.
7605194 That should work well I mean the only time the plot of the actual show should effect this story would be around the time after Twilight remembers that she had friends in Canterlot that she basically ignored the existence of and goes to make it up to them. If anything your character would just have a small(save for Pinkie who seems to have a radar for anyone new in town and Flutteryshy due to her living at the edge of the forest.) chance of bumping into a main character of the show. Well save for maybe business like say potentially enchanted clothes made by Rarity, apples from Applejack and sweets from Sugarcube Corner(stronger chance of bumping into Pinkie) apart from that there really shouldn't be much of a strong interaction with any of them save for again the future episode with Twilight.
Character Progression (Power-wise). Yes.
Story Progression? Well, it's pretty much 10k words of narration, but hardly any meat to the plot, so no.
I'm kinda disapointed. The Gamer concept haven't been well tried in FimFiction, so I was kinda eager for this. Well, I'll watch over this if anymore actually comes.
Very interesting concept, i still don't graps how humanized ponies are different from anthros, is her perspective of the world a human.
Also what is crossing over this fic? this whole gamer view power sounds way too awesome to be used only once.
found it, it reminds me abit of DICE, another nice webcomic that can be made into an interesting fic here.
After reading a bit of the comic at about chapter 28 ( dayum it's good) i can tell that your character feels very robotic perhaps add more emotion for the next chapter, also what rule are you using for skill level development?
I like it so far. Now onward chapter two awaits.
7605817 1) Agreed, and Pinkie can be easily avoided with a certain Skill.
2) Also, I'm still not sure, but I'm definitely going to find a way to make it work with Fluttershy, she's my Favorite out of the Main Six!
7605834 1) Sorry, but this was mostly an introduction and the building of the base here.
2) There will be far more action and Progress later on!
7605862 1) Eh... Is that a question? Sorry, my English isn't all that good so I can't tell what you're asking me about, can you rephrase it?
2) It's a MLP/The Gamer Crossover.
3) DICE?
4) It's her first day and she's mostly using [Gamer's Mind] to suppress her emotions and operate on pure logic. The only thing she feels right now, or at least the biggest part of her feels: fear at her situation, anger at whoever did it and almost crippling level of depression that she in one night basically lost her family, home and friends in one go.
7605978 And soon it will be delivered.
7605602 Never mind.
Wisdom should be 23, not 22. She's got two points, not one.
7606886 Fixed.
7606465 I still don't grasp how humanized ponies are different from anthros, is her perspective of the world a humans?
and that's the corrected version.
Dice is another similar comic where through rolling DICE, characters can enhance their status, like strength dexterity, intelligence, charisma, etc, they gain dice by accomplishing tasks they receive from the game master in their phones.
Really happy to see you back, and loving this intro can't wait to see what happens next! Especially because i haven't seen a good MLP X Gamer yet. Hope to see more soon, Thanks for Writing!
I'm liking this story thus far, and I'm excited to see more of it to come. Great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
7606925 1) Imagine humans with horns/winds and horse-tails, that will be Humanized.
This is Anthro.
2) Hm, interesting.
7607270 1) Thanks!
2) Can you link any other MPL/Gamer Fic? I found only one beside mine.
7607490 Thanks! I'll try!
This is an exciting twist on a good and true idea. Welcome back!
7607583
The one you mentioned and 'This one' are the only ones I can think of
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/000/681/what-you-did-there-i-see-it.thumbnail.jpg
Notice you spelled 'more' as 'mode' but other then that I'm looking forward to reading your story & wish ya the best
Are you gonna take advantage of "ID Create - Empty" to dupe items and stuff? So you can learn from skill books that are one of a kind without getting in trouble :D
7607783 1) Thank you!
2) Glad to be back.
7608264 Know that one, still trying to work through it.
7608379 Hehehe...
7610978 1) Fixed! And thanks!
2) It doesn't work that way.
This is a humanized ponies fic right? cuz she said "Hand(s)" instead of "Hooves" a number of times and just want to be sure
7611173 Yes.
You may want to review those body measurements, the ones you used here would give a 25/18 year old woman roughly the body of an underweight 10 year old.
Given the picture, 85 / 68 / 93 cm might be much closer to realistic for your story.
7616252 I'm using DxD to connect the measurements to the visual representation, so these ones kind of fit.
Keep going, i'm loving this story.
7627238 Thanks!
Nice chapter, can't wait for the next one.
7627288 Soon...
so will this have elements of the my little pony comic series? that had some interesting stuff I'm sure it be a curve ball for her with only show knowledge but a lot of effort on her part for any comic related shenanigans would be fun to read her doing stuff on the fly with no foreknowledge to go on unless she can gain a skill to look at it
here a site that offers a free reading of the comic series if you're interested
vvvvvvvvvvv
http://readcomiconline.to/Comic/My-Little-Pony-Friendship-is-Magic
This. I love it. Got me hooked so far, and I'm only a few paragraphs in. Keep it up.
I have many stories and I find this vrry addicting for some reason can't wait fot more.
Man, I love the idea of a suicide having happened. It's so god damn dark, but it really makes the whole situation seem that much more awkward. Something tells me that if the truth came out it would really crush some of the others. Reading about some of the other friends abilities really makes me really wonder how Equestria is at peace. I mean Minutte alone could basically crush most villains. Just DIO time, slash Tirek's neck, and problem solved. Anyway, great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
I take it she can use the Alicorn Amulet without going off the deep end thanks to Gamer's Mind?
And always wondered if the Amulet acts only as a power source or if it also had a build in Spell Archive...
I had a random, humorous thought looking at the Cooking Skill.
Sweetie Belle.
7627325 1) There will be some thing from Comics, but it will be some time before they will appear.
2) I actually used this Site to read the Mini-Series.
7627424 Good to hear!
7627746 Hehehe...
7627950 1) I'll work some things out down the line.
2) Because they had no reason to weaponize these Abilities, there literally little to no conflicts that require things that our imagination can come up with on the spot due to our World be far more violent.
7628152 1) Yes, but I'm going to use it for another purpose.
2) Nah, just a Power-Booster.
7628178 ... Are you suggesting for the MC to teach her how to Cook, or for the MC to actually Cook her and perform an act of technical cannibalism?
If I was her the moment I got ID create I go to the castle of the Two Sisters and loot the place to the rafters
To be more accurate according to the rep levels you gave to them Twilight doesn't even count as a friend more like someone who sits next to Moondancer in class and knows the name of but that's it.
keep it up it's good so far.
7628790 She trying to be proactive but cautious, so there really was no hurry for her to actually run there.
7629071 A little bit of explanation then: Reputation shows how others view her and in the beginning Twilight viewed only books with Reputation higher than that(With the exception of her Family, Cadance and Celestia).
7629188 Thanks!
Despite the typos and grammar, it's a good chapter, we got to know more of this crazy world of human-ponies moondancer.
Still the pacing is very slow for 10k words, granted The Gamer comics are full of exposition and internal dialogue, just like this fic, The Gamer is a comic while this is a literary work, which makes exposition easier to bear.
Just realized something, her gamer ability observe can circumvent changeling disguises? can't wait for the inevitable time when twilight meets her again, if unicorns have any sense-mana ability she would very likely notice her friend power-boost.
7631625 1. I'm trying to work on World-Building while not disrespecting Canon Material. About Typos? I'm working on them.
2. Please note that in the Summary I added the description about how my writing works and how it is connected to the Timeline of the Canon.
3.1 Yes, Changelings won't be able to hide from her.
3.2 Twilight have the same problem Ichigo has in Bleach, she just has so much Mana that it leaks out and dumpers her senses and if Jessica won't flare it Twilight won't notice.