In the new world.
"Where are we?"
Without any hope of getting back home.
"How... how will we get back?"
Can they survive the harsh world of Great Pirate Era?
"My Wealth and Treasures? If you want it, I'll let you have it... Search for it! I left all of it at that place!"
Will they find mortal enemies on their path?
"Get your dirty hands away from my friend!"
Will they meet loyal friends?
"Hey! I said that you'll join my crew, and I decline your refusal!"
Only one thing can be said right now:
THE WORLD WILL KNOW THEM!
Chapters (0)
Too much exposition, most of it unnecessary so far as I can tell.
3849968 I know, but as I already said, it's just the first chapter, so I couldn't actually go without it here.
3849975 Yes, you could, and you should. There was no good reason to give a complete and unabridged explanation of both worlds in the crossover like that. Example: by showing Applejack, Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy, you've already demonstrated unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies... so you don't need multiple paragraphs explaining them again to the reader.
As for the political system of One Piece- absolutely no need whatever to explain that until and unless the girls encounter it, and then only the dead minimum, and even then better as dialog than as a wall of narration.
Why did you use version one, one piece pirate types verse the current one?
good story, chapter way too long though
An intresting read. Bit of an exposition dump but it also showed what each of the girls was fixating on. So the two sorta cancel out... Maybe... If the plot kicks in next chapter I'll prob'ly stick with this.
3850125 You know, it's kind of my curse, every story that I write have an absolutely horrible first chapter. Maybe I will rewrite it in the future.
The point here is that I wanted to show their reaction to the new world they are in.
3850276 It's more of a little cameo of the old One-Piece and me paying some respect to the original work.
3850996 I'll try to get better.
3852378 don't worry, I always start with the second chapter, it will be good.
I'll like and keep an eye on this but you need to get a proof reader, not only to handle how much information you give out but also to help with the little grammar mistakes throughout the chapter.
3852640 Beta is hard to find for MLP, and me being from Russia, the numbers are even smaller.
Try asking for some help here. They may be able to get you going.
It's an interesting read, keep it up.
Here is a few problems I have, mainly with this chapter alone. First of all-the exposition dump! It is too much for me. As a One Piece fan, this is stuff I know about the show and the same could be said as a pony fan. While this is important for the plot so the others can get adjusted to the knowledge, I kind of wished that this was better served in the dialouge and in shorter terms. Second, the orginal characters: Tonic and Miako. I hope they get better because they both sound kind of...bad. I mean "2,000,000 berrie bounty," just made me roll my eyes at the guy while Miako's actions made me just want to punch her. Maybe that is what you were going for with her character, but all I wanted to do to her was punch her. I was thinking of Luffy decking her and yelling "CUT IT OUT!"
Like everyone else said, the exposition dump is way too much. I understand that you want all readers to understand what's going on, not just fans of One Piece, however this isn't the way you do it. You have not just one but three fish out of water characters here. They know nothing about this world, which means your readers will learn about this world as they do, which should happen through dialogue between characters. It's much more interesting this way and doesn't have to be given all at once.
Another no, no you did here, was copying and pasting directly from the One Piece wiki for your exposition dump. If you're going to lift from a source, at least re-word it to some extent. This is an extremely lazy way of writing, and probably breaks some rules, not really sure how that goes for wiki information. Aside from that I must say I really liked Applejack's inner musings, and realizing her own mortality, that was pretty cool.
I'll read the rest later, and give my final thoughts then.
FYI, only Shining Armor calls Twilight Twili. AJ usually says Twi, and the other girls don't usually shorten it past her first name. Otherwise, this story is amazing, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
There were a few errors I saw at the beginning and I wasn't even done. You need a proofreader.