Celestia did not wake that morning thinking her life would change that day, but it would. She would be united with a creature as timeless as herself, one who looked to her as a peer instead of a subject.
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- Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen 12 minutes ago
David Silver
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David Silver
Joined 20th Dec, 2013 ·
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Aw poor Philomena.
Lol what
Much more poetic and solemn than the title led me to expect. Nice work. Thank you for it.
8243050
Ditto. Didn't expect this, but was not disappointed.
I hope Philomena managed to lay more eggs that actually hatched, since then. She deserves to see her children flourish too.
We are Family.
8243050
My expectations may also have been tainted by a previous story of the same name...
You know! We honestly thought this might have turned into a biological incubator plot, it would explain Celestia's unwillingness to be combative...
8259354
No matter what war is waged, someone's eggs are being smashed.
Link to your blunt review.
Thanks for your submission, fam.
This review is brought to you by the group 'A for Effort'.
Name of story: Motherhood (formerly Celestia Lays an Egg)
Score out of 10: 6.75
Heya, David. Glad to be reviewing one of your stories again. You always seem to come up with some interesting concepts, even if this one has been done before.
Alright, let's pop with one open shall we?
Motherhood is a cute and sort of heartwarming tale of Celestia and a mother phoenix, both trying to nurture their young in their own way. It's short and to the point.
Grammar and spelling: 9/10: There was a few spots that needed some touch ups. Spelling was good and I appreciate being able to read a story without stumbling.
Theme: 9/10: I enjoyed the overall tone and moral of the story, regardless of how quickly it was brought to a close. Celestia having an internal struggle about her egg along with a physical reflection that showed the possibility of failure, well, it was a nice duality of the moment.
Prose and characterization: 6/10: There were several moments of Celestia's dialog that felt, well not forced, but somehow lacking. Something a little bit stronger would have been nice, but it was sufficient to get your point across. Some of your sentence structure needs a little tweaking and refining, and I know you're fully capable of better from having read some of your other work.
Actual Story: 5/10: The actual plot was short, like, really short. Everything seemed to align simply for the ease of passing along the theme (the feels) and it was pretty easy to tell. While the story still follows a beginning, middle and end, even the initial setup seemed a little contrived in its circumstance.
Overall, I enjoyed my time with this. With a touching up in certain places, and maybe a different setup, or at least a more believable version of this one, this story could go from decent to great.
Thanks for submitting this story, David. I look forward to the next one