Shining Armor is a young adult and taking an interest in mares. A certain mare very close to him can help him in a very special way. Incest. Clop in every chapter.
Very nice chapter that I really enjoyed. Still, there's a few things you may want to edit.
"Why me[i/] of everyone out there? The mere existence of Velour proves a point: you are smoking hot. Okay, maybe not that hot, but you're damn good looking; enough to make a nice little career selling access to your body by the hour. Sex isn't a problem for you, is it? Just pure sex?"
Because of this one little thing, the rest of the story is italicized.
I like you and you're sexy -- any mare, alicorn, pegasus, earth, or even alicorn, would find you hard to resist.
Based on the context, I'm pretty sure you meant "unicorn" there.
"Are you sure about that? I've done some pretty bad stuff to you. Cadance looked on . Shining, however, stood up and marched over to the crying woman. He looked down at her, rage coming back over his face. He pondered the mare. He watched as she cried, his expression unreadable. She flung herself around his knees and hugged him close in supplication. "Please, don't leave me, don't hate me," she pleaded.
You're missing an ending quotation mark there.
The alicorn's thighs were pressed together inside their knee-length skirt and she propped herself up straight with arms at her sidese.
question: was the last 4/5 of the chapter being completely in italics a mistake or intentional. because if not you'll probably want to fix that. It starts in this chapter a goes on for the rest of it.
"It does sound good, Mom, but that's beside the point." His drier tone was mirrored by Cadance's crossed legs and slow shake of her head. "Why me[i/] of everyone out there? The mere existence of Velour proves a point: you are smoking hot. Okay, maybe not that hot, but you're damn good looking; enough to make a nice little career selling access to your body by the hour. Sex isn't a problem for you, is it? Just pure sex?"
Thay was heavy. I came here for the clop and stayed for the story. Pretty good characters and the interactions feel so real that it doesn't seems to be a fanfic.
The robed mare recumbent on the couch with a box of malbec wine practically dropped the whole thing. "Your Majesty!" Twilight quaked, "What is the reason for your visit?" The older mare's tongue lingered just a moment too long on her lips, keeping them open more than necessary, eye contact first given to her son, but then languished on her deliberately, lids slightly dangled.
Velvet's face immediately sank into a sour scowl. "Yes, your majesty, I presume you got dressed up nice and dropped in unannounced so you could raid my fridge for sale bin white bread and Brand X apple juice. Isn't that the royal fashion these days?"
"I meant this isn't a state function..."
You’re missing the bit where Cadence actually corrects her.
Thay was heavy. I came here for the clop and stayed for the story. Pretty good characters and the interactions feel so real that it doesn't seems to be a fanfic.
Kind of sad that this story is wrapping up, but it has been one hell of a ride.
Thanks. Would you believe this started as a proposed 4 chapter 30K story? It's been a wild two years writing it, and I'm going to miss it. I'm also going to be just so relieved when it's over.
Good chapter with balance of emotion, character development, and intimate action.
Princess of Love is a fearsome predator.
Very nice chapter that I really enjoyed. Still, there's a few things you may want to edit.
Because of this one little thing, the rest of the story is italicized.
Based on the context, I'm pretty sure you meant "unicorn" there.
You're missing an ending quotation mark there.
And you have a minor typo there.
I really look forward to more of this.
At first I was like No, don't do it
Then Shining you moron!
Finally settling into Aww, yeah!
That ran pretty much the gamut of emotions.
A few typos. Like when you wrote about Cadances' taught, toned body. It's taut.
Sorry, editor in me.
question: was the last 4/5 of the chapter being completely in italics a mistake or intentional. because if not you'll probably want to fix that. It starts in this chapter a goes on for the rest of it.
Thay was heavy. I came here for the clop and stayed for the story. Pretty good characters and the interactions feel so real that it doesn't seems to be a fanfic.
You’re missing the bit where Cadence actually corrects her.
Edit: Great gods, this is a gorgeous story.
i can see how hard you worked on this chapter and it defiantly payed off. grate work team.
Hmmm....now where have I seen that before?
Kind of sad that this story is wrapping up, but it has been one hell of a ride.
9761632
Oh you know it, and two pairs of lips to eat with!
9762155
Thanks! That made my day. No, really!
9769720
Thanks. Would you believe this started as a proposed 4 chapter 30K story? It's been a wild two years writing it, and I'm going to miss it. I'm also going to be just so relieved when it's over.
9762047
Thanks, Crier. One more to go. It's in production literally right now, hoping to be done in another week or two.