The Flight of Destiny

RuinQueenofOblivion #1 · May 7th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Okay... that's, not the direction I expected this to go in... at all, seriously, where did that come from at the end? Good fic though.

Silver Inkwell

Silver Inkwell #2 · May 7th, 2017 · · ·

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8145625
IDK
Was the end bad?

Doctor Disco

Doctor Disco #3 · Jun 1st, 2017 · 1 · ·

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This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".

Name of Story: The Flight of Destiny

Total Score Out of 10: 3/10

Pros:
-I liked the premise, very good idea
-For the most part, characters were in line with how they are in the show
-Punctuation was on point for most of it
-Scootaloo!
-CMC! cameo
-Rainbow Dash!

Cons:
-It was a huge wall of text that made me really skim through it, catching the biggest details and plot development
-Meaning, double space after each paragraph, or indent if that's how you like your stories
-Also, please please please put more dialogue tags. Speech patterns or not, it can be confusing and difficult to parse which character is speaking
-Rainbow Dash was bland. For the first half of the story, I could almost believe it was Rainbow Dash, but your characterization went somewhere that I can't quite describe. She was giving advice that seemed out of place but relevant enough to matter and she was using proper speech that she wouldn't really have used (as in, she "cuts corners" so to speak when she's talking), and so it was off-putting as well
-The CMC introduction made a lot of sense but the way they responded was jarring. Given how they are portrayed in the show (counting recent episodes), such a tight nit group of friends would be ecstatic for the development of flight in Scootaloo. As Scootaloo had been pining for this ability for Celestia knows how long, it's only natural her best friends would be just as excited as she was.
-Additionally, the rest of the story from her on out makes me uncomfortable inside if not for the sole reason that it isn't how any of the characters would react.
-No cover image

Additional Notes:
Please remember that none of this is written down with the intention of destruction. This is constructive criticism. I have read your story, and analyzed all the pieces that could be improved upon. If there is any level personal bias, it would be towards any thoughts I actually portray here and in the Cons.

So Mr Allan, all I want to say is to just keep writing. Get reviews like this one. Use these to better yourself, and, when you have reached a level where you are confident in your abilities, to help others as well. I know this may seem harsh, but it's the honest truth.

Cover art really helps in promoting your story on the front page or wherever else you put it. A blank story usually doesn't garner any attention because of the simple fact that it tells onlookers who are judging books by their cover that the story has nothing to offer them. Now, there is the usual wildcard no-cover-art story that booms but those are rare occasions not to be taken lightly. I know you use cover art as well, but I can't quite understand the lack of one here (but I guess it's because of not finding the image, eh?). The wrong cover art can be just as damaging too.

Use indents. Or, since we're on tech here, you can have a space between paragraphs. Just like the spaces between the paragraphs in my comment right now. And use dialogue tags. It can be hard to keep track of who is talking.

And with that ends my review!

Keep on writing my friend!

~Doctor Disco

Lux Tenebris

Lux Tenebris #4 · Sep 18th, 2017 · 1 · ·

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Not the worst fic out there but it threw me off at the end. I give it a 4/10 with a seal of approval for the first half.

Silver Inkwell

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