• Member Since 27th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 13th, 2020

Red flame


E

On her way back from a rodeo, Applejack stumbles upon a unicorn who's horn has been broken. So she takes him back to Ponyville, and begins to form a bond with this little guy.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 7 )

So many spelling and grammatical errors, so little to say about them without seeming like a total jerk.
To keep this short, I'll give you two corrections and a question.

First, you misplaced the apostrophes in nine instances of conjunctions. That bugs me to no end, but I'm not sure how others feel about that.
Second, AJ needs to be fully capitalized. I'm not entirely sure why this is, something about acronyms methinks, but that's how the English language dictates. You could also put periods in, like "A.J.", to indicate the acronymous nickname, but to each their own.

And now, the question.
Did you reread this to check for spelling and grammar errors?
There are quite a few errors I noticed that could have easily been noticed and sentences that could have been rewritten or removed altogether if you proofread this. If you don't feel like proofreading you could always ask others to do it, but that takes time, effort, and communication between both parties.

Other than all of the errors and the totally generic OC name, I'm interested in seeing where this goes, so don't let my complaints discourage you.

Comment posted by Red flame deleted Apr 29th, 2017

8127692
Well grammar's always my biggest issue, and right now I'm just trying to get out of a big writing slump. I finally worked up the courage to try and I feel great now. I've got my drive back. I am glad that your interested, it would really help if you explained more about what you liked as well as giving me constructive criticism on the grammar. Cause honestly one can easily take what your trying to say the wrong way if you don't balance the positives and negatives right.

I'm sorry, but I think this story needs a serious re-write. I couldn't get past the opening situation. It just did not seem plausible. That may be me, but I couldn't suspend my disbelief enough to get into the rest of the story, especially when you said she'd been staked out in the desert for 3 days and she liked it. Nope! Not buying it one dang bit.

8149170

Well if you say it needs a rewrite before reading the whole thing then that's kinda ignorant isn't it. Because reading further will explain your question with this. If you actually have the patience to read the rest of it and still feel this way then your claim has more weight to it, right now your just coming off as rude.

From the sound of the short description it sounds like they take in the Transformer devil: Unicron . . . and favorite

9296862
Hehe not quite but thank you for taking an interest in my story.

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