An author who's stories may not be good but at least he tries...
Everyone knows the back stories of the mane six, but what if they were different,what if they were swapped?
(Hello my name is Polaris Solarmoon and this is my first story, I'm not very sure if this is going to be good but please enjoy,oh one more thing the story starts in chapter 2 so if you want to skip the bio chapter you can)
Page generated in 0.22 seconds
Total duration
995 users online
100,630 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This story took forever to finish...
Very difficult to read. Too much of an exposition dump. I did try. I read through two chapters. Don't just tell use these things about the characters, let us find out about their character in a more natural way.
If you were to meet someone in real life, it's their actions that would tell you about them. Let the story do the same
8251031
This was the first story I made...,of course it's gonna be a little bad, I also didn't know that it would of been better to have bios or not, I do thank you for letting me know, if only I knew this when I was making this...
Hey there,Polaris Solarmoon! Want me to help you with your writing?
You're doing better recently,but I can help you be even better!
8538521
Sure thing! I need help with the story Empress Flutterscare, Ruler of the Dark Matter Universe
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/387849/empress-flutterscare-ruler-of-the-dark-matter-universe
Password to chapter:L3g3nD27
8539156
Um,can i help you with non-mature story,please? I have a bad feeling about reading that one.
Like,I can read your non-mature stories and tell you what you can do better!
8539843
Ok how about this one :https://www.fimfiction.net/story/390855/other-view-universe-the-beginning, it doesn't have a password or any words yet.
Ps: read this first so it would make sense:https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/764852/the-other-view-universe
8539850
It won't let me read it. The website,I mean.
I need to eat some breakfast. See ya later!
8539871
Ok I put a password on it so you would be able to read this story: L3g3nd27
8539850
Okay,I read the story,or,the beginning of it.
First off,commas are not periods. You need to figure out whether or not it's appropriate to put a comma in a sentence,or just put a period in there.
Compare this:
Ponyville.. A simple little town near the edge of the Everfree Forest and one of the best places to conduct my research on the wildlife there, I've been studying the anomalies that happen here for months but my research yielded no results, so I am going to head outside my lab and see if any of the locals here in Ponyville could help me, I am Dr. Flora Shy and this my mission...
To this:
Ponyvillle. A simple little town near the edge of the Everfree Forest,and one of the best places to conduct my research on the wildlife there.
I've been studying the anomalies that happen here for months,but my research yielded no results. So I am going to head outside my lab and see if any of the locals here in Ponyville could help me.
I am Dr. Flora Shy,and this is my mission.
Which one looks cleaner to you?
8540602
Ok I fixed it.
8540629
Thank you!
8540629
It doesn't look like you fixed it. There's still run-on sentences and barely any periods.
...Sorry if I'm being overly negative.
854069
I can't do it, I'll never get it right...😑
I give up...
8540764
Oh,I'm sorry that you're giving up because of me!
I just read your story again,and so far,you're doing better! I notice that the first paragraph has better grammar,at least!
Keep going! I believe in you!
8540764
Hmm...
The paragraphs after the first have the same issues that I talked about earlier. How about you try to have the same grammar as the first paragraph?
Also,on,"I am Doctor Flora Shy,and this my mission." you forgot to add the word,is,after this.
I believe in you!
8540764
Also,the first paragraph I was talking about was the paragraph before you edited it.
I read the whole chapter more closely now,and while you're getting better,you forgot to add some commas,and because of that,some of the sentences feel like they run on.
8540941
I don't see where I have to put commas...
Other than that I fixed what I could.
8540975
Thank you!
8540989
I'm gonna take a break on this story for a bit, I'll continue tomorrow.
8540975
Your words are normal,my alterations are bold.
Thankfully said earth pony wasn't there, so I was able to get in and out without much fuss.
The townsfolk were going about their business, so I had paid them no mind.
"Hmm,where to next?
8541007
Me too. Nice working with you!
8541009
Fixed
8541910
Yay! Thank you! One thing,though.
I saw that you combined two sentences together.
Why?
8542469
Me:Fixed.
Glitter Brightstar: Hi there!
Me:really Glitter... 😑
8541910
Also:
"Aww,you're no fun."
"D-Dr. Flora... What brings you here?"
She is a rather shy pony,but she means well.
8542525
Ok I fixed it.
8542520
Sparkie:Hi!
Woah,is this the fourth wall? Cool!
We seem to have the same problem.
Meet Professor Twilight Sparkle,known to her friends as Sparkie. She has Pinkie's extroversion,outgoing,talkative,hyper,fun-loving nature,and fondness for kids,Twilight's fondess for math,science and magic,intelligence,innocently insensitive remarks,organization obsession,love of books,love of knowledge,and adorkability,and both of their kindness. She's a math teacher for little fillies,and she currently resides in Ponyville,previously being a teacher at Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns.
She's mine,by the way.
8542520
Maybe not all the way.
I continued on my aimless path until I reached the bakery, where this particularly irritating earth pony worked,She may seem all fun and games,but she is too hyper even for a pony like myself.
Here's how it should be set up:
I continued on my aimless path until I reached the bakery, where this particularly irritating earth pony worked.
She may seem all fun and games,but she is too hyper even for a pony like myself.
8542558
Glitter Brightstar is from my Different View Universe,where the mane six have been swapped with one another personality wise and Element wise.
She has Pinkie Pie's randomness and hyper nature mixed in with Twilight's magic prowess, she's the Element of Laughter and a really good baker.
Glitter Brightstar: yep,you got that right!
Me:(-_-)
8542569
it's fixed but I'm not sure what to do next
8542578
Yep,I know. I've read almost all of the Different View series.
It's why I decided to help you.
Also,Sparkie is the Element of Laughter in my alternate universe as well,loving to make ponies laugh and being exceptionally good at it. It's why her class was one of fillys' and colts' favorite classes,besides how friendly and kind she is. They don't like her squeeing over them,though.
I think Glitter and Sparkie would get along well together.
8542582
Keep writing,and remember what you have learned.
Hello? Where are you?
8542803
Sorry I was at a place called Supergames.
8543754
Oh,okay.
Good job,but you're falling into the same traps again. Thankfully,I'm here.
I had said my goodbyes to Shine Spark and left the library. I had realized then that I wasn't able to tell Shine that she should follow me. She is my assistant,after all,and often helps me with most of my inventions.
She's...well,a rather unique pony who's known for her ability to somehow control the weather. Mix that in with a cocky attitude and you get a stubborn unicorn who will not back down if any of her friends are in danger.
Despite this,she is a personal friend of mine.
Sorry,I missed one.
"It's Dr. Flora," I said.
Sparkie:Hi,Polaris!
"Jus' chillin, by the way,ya seen Joy anywhere?"
Other than the uppercase "Ya",the sentence is okay because it shows Stormy Diamond's way of speaking. It's just that Stormy Diamond pausing in the middle of a conversation is a bit awkward.
"Whatevs mare, so how ya doin'?"
Sorry,I missed one.
8544079
Fixed
Me:hello Sparkie.
8544548
Sparkie:How are you today?
8544568
Me: uhh...
Glitter Brightstar: He's an Alicorn!
Me: that's Prince Polaris Solarmoon, not me! I'm just an author!
Glitter Brightstar:oh okay!
Me:*sighs*
8544594
Sparkie:Wait,there's another alicorn!? I thought there were only 5!
8544608
Different View Universe royalty
1. Princess Moon ([Luna]older sister in the world)
2. Princess Sunshine Tempest([Celestia]younger sister in this world)
3.Princess Radiance Dawn (daughter of Sunshine)
4.Prince Polaris Dusk Solarmoon ( son of Sunshine)
5.Princess Pureheart ( Cadence)
Glitter Brightstar:Princess Radiance Dawn is a really nice pony.
8544628
Sparkie:I bet!
The Different VIew universe is certainly different than my own. For one thing,Polaris and Dawn don't exist in my universe.
8544699
Glitter Brightstar: wow that's crazy!
Pinkamina "Dianne" Pie: That's enough Glitter Brightstar! It's time for you go home!
Glitter Brightstar:aww,your no fun...
8544725
Sparkie:Who are you?
Enigma(an adventurous daredevil version of Pinkie Pie):Hey! I want a part in this conversation,too!
As for me:
I hear Stormy Diamond say before she leaves the area.
8544866
Pinkamina "Dianne" Pie: I am Pinkamina Dianne Pie,but call me Dianne Pie for short.
Phoenix Firewing: Hey mind if I join in too?( She is technically Fluttershy but she has lot more confidence and doesn't have any fear. She doesn't show off and is the Captain of the Wonderbolts, she is the Element of Loyalty in my world.)
[As for myself I fixed the problem.]
8544898
Sparkie:Nope!
Enigma:Not really!
Sparkie and Enigma:Hi,Pinkamina and Phoenix!
Nice!