Interlude: The Reviews Are In
Interlude: The Reviews Are In
The following is a recording from the late night 'Horse S--T!' radio show. The show is hosted by Loud Mouth and his co-host 'Wise Crack'. Every Thursday at 11:00 pm, the two sit down with a special guest as they discuss local events and funny stories that have happened in the week prior in a crude manner. The stories often involve tangents and long segway's, many of which lead to the hosts forgetting the original topic. The following is a transcript from the episode entitled 'Latex and Leather', recorded September 20th, 2012.
Loud Mouth: Shh! Everypony, be very quite. We just snuck got out of the premier of Stallion of Steel.
Wise Crack: The premier that we kind of weren't invited to.
L.M: So yeah, we snuck into the premier through the staff entrance.
W.C: And unlike those real critics, we don't have an embargo on our review for the movie.
L.M: So, we thought we would be the first to bring Equestria the first spoiler-filled review of Stallion of Steel.
W.C: And what better way to keep it a secret then by bringing in two of the ponies that worked on it.
Vinyl Scratch: Knowing you two idiots, you probably invited the director before me.
L.M: In case you couldn't tell by the extra manly voice, Vinyl Scratch has joined us again.
W.C: Welcome back Vinyl.
V.S: Aren't you forgetting something?
L.M: That's right! Ponies, we normally have one special guest. This time, we have two!
W.C: We established that already.
L.M: Buck you. So anyway, we-
W.C: Well forgive me, for correcting your dumb ass.
L.M: Weren't you the one who didn't know what 'topic dejour' meant?
V.S: Weren't you both acting like idiots last time I was on?
W.C: Yeah, we were the idiots, you were talking about drugging and having your way with Octavia.
L.M: Speaking of which..
Octavia Philharmonica: I haven't even spoken into the microphone and I'm already regretting this.
[Laughter]
L.M: Don't worry. Based on Vinyl's stories, you probably won't remember any of this.
V.S: Oh I plan to make sure she remembers this. Don't I babe?
O.P: Have as much fun as you can Vinyl. You won't be grinning much longer.
L.M: Oh, it's on!
W.C: We should probably explain the reason you're here.
O.P: First bright idea of the night. A couple months ago, Vinyl said some less than flattering things about me.
L.M: And you're here to clear them up?
O.P: No. I'm here to get even.
W.C: Nice!
V.S: You know we were just bucking around, right?
O.P: Of course. I'd like to join in.
L.M: All of you at home can't tell, but Octy has her super-villain grin turned on.
W.C: Her Mistress Mayhem grin.
L.M: That reminds me, ponies, here's how we'll do things tonight. We're gonna start off with a quick spoiler-free review, catch up with our guests and then we'll do the big spoiler-filled review.
W.C: So you can't yell at us for spoiling the thing on pTunes.
L.M: Or you know, tell the producers.
V.S: Relax guys, I won't squeal. Octy on the other hoof-"
O.P: Your secrets are safe with me, gentlecolts. Although, I do have to wonder, are you sure that Vinyl and I can deliver fair reviews?
V.S: Yeah. We both helped make the thing.
O.P: Ha!
V.S: Something funny?
O.P: Yes. Your definition of help.
W.C: Guys-
L.M: Wait. This is hilarious.
O.P: If 'helped' equates to your contribution, I may as well have directed, stared and ran the projector.
W.C/L.M: DAMN!
V.S: You're just jealous that they wouldn't let you on camera. They only had room the best lookin' ponies in Equestria so they picked me to join the high life.
O.P: And what better representation of the high life then playing a pimp with one line.
L.M: Ah $&*@! Ah $&*@!
V.S: Swag this perfect cannot be denied! And what better way to show swag than pimp?
O.P: An actually respected member of society?
W.C: SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!
[Laughter]
V.S: You two are enjoying this way too much.
L.M: You can't enjoy a cat fight like this enough.
W.C: I'll get the kiddie pool, you go get the baby oil.
[Laughter]
O.P: Truly, radio has become the pinochle of culture.
V.S: Guys, seriously?
L.M: What's wrong?
V.S: You forgot the bikini's.
W.C: Of course! How could we forget?
O.P: Ignoring the stupidity of this conversation for a brief moment... why? We're naked the rest of the time.
L.M: Don't ruin this for us.
W.C: Besides, you were that bow everywhere and Vinyl always has her glasses on.
L.M: Take it off!
O.P: What have I walked into?
V.S: The deepest levels of hell!
O.P: That sounds about right.
L.M: What's the chance of you two making out angrily on the floor.
O.P: Absoltuetly-
V.S: Guaranteed to happen!
W.C: You heard it here folks! We've got some filly-fooler action right up in the studio!
O.P: Celestia, kill me.
V.S: If you're so uncomfortable, why are you blushing?
O.P: I am not blushing!
L.M: Bitch, you look like a mahogany table.
W.C: Bend over and we can use you to record on the go.
V.S: I didn't hear anything after 'bend over'.
[Laughter]
L.M: Octy's giggling, folks!
O.P: I'm enjoying being the smartest pony in the room.
V.S: She does that everywhere, but now it's actually true.
W.C: Bitch, you gonna take that?
O.P: Please don't call me that.
W.C: Sorry.
L.M: Well, these two ladies need to get oiled up-
O.P: I'll do no such thing.
L.M: So we'll give our quick, spoiler free reviews of Stallion of Steel. The reboot of the Super-Stallion film franchise. And I've got to tell you... I didn't love it. But I liked it a lot.
W.C: I'm right there with you man. The good out ways the bad in it. The acting was good. The action was great.
L.M: They got Super-Stallion himself right.
W.C: A great villain.
L.M: Oh, I can't wait to talk to you about her.
W.C: So yeah, if you're listening, please, go see Stallion of Steel. It's not perfect, but a hell of a lot of fun.
L.M: Girls, I know you're kind of biased in this, as Octy mentioned, but tell us as best you can, what you think about this.
V.S: Forgetting I was in the movie for about 10 seconds, I really enjoyed it. I knew nothing about Super-Stallion going into this so this kind of popped my cherry. It was cool and the action was great.
W.C: Sounds like the kind of movie you wouldn't enjoy, Octy.
O.P: On the contrary. I found it quite thrilling.
W.C: Thrilling?
O.P: Well, I don't find myself in these types of films often, so, like Vinyl, this was quite a learning experience for me.
L.M: That's good. I didn't know if you would even consider liking this kind of movie.
O.P: To be fair, I was already a fan of Final Cut. I absolutely loved the Sisterhooves Social Network and was quite flattered when he offered me the job to score the film. I didn't know if I could do it, but I fell in love with the process and I found myself loving Stallion of Steel.
L.M: You loved it?
O.P: I suppose I did. I know it doesn't mean much coming from somepony who worked on it, but yes, I loved it.
W.C: I don't know if the rest of us can go that far, but it's definitely enjoyable.
L.M: Let's save the rest of the movie discussion for a later. We have some catching up to do.
W.C: Last we talked to you Vinyl, you were heading to Manehatten Musical Culture Garden Party. Weren't you two going to preform a set?
O.P: Well, that's one word to call it.
L.M: What?
O.P: Let's just say it didn't turn out the way we had planned.
V.S: It was the greatest show of all times!
L.M: You've got to tell us now!
O.P: Something tells me I don't have a choice.
V.S: OK, so we head out to stage and, of course, the crowd goes nuts as soon as they saw me.
O.P: You were my warm up.
W.C: I'm loving this already.
V.S: The way the sets work is that one of us steps out, and does a sample of their music. I come out and I'm laying the bass down! The crowds minds exploded!
O.P: That was because they were shooting themselves.
V.S: Love you honey!
O.P: Love you, too.
L.M: Can you make out now?
O.P: Let's wait till Vinyl finishes butchering this story.
V.S: Butchering? I'm creating an energetic retelling of our concert.
O.P: No wonder this show is called 'Horse S--T'.
V.S: So, after I'm done, it's Octavia's turn on the stage. She brings out the over-sized ukulele-
O.P: It's a cello, you twit.
V.S: And sure enough, the crowd falls asleep.
O.P: They did no such thing! They were embracing classical music.They lent back in their chairs and let the music woft over them.
V.S: As they slipped into death.
O.P: Just because I don't sound like Skrillex on PCP, the doesn't mean I bore ponies.
V.S: Do you even know who Skrillex is?
O.P: No, but the name already inspires distaste.
L.M: Are you sure two aren't married?
V.S: Wait till the story ends.
C.W: Does this end in a bedroom or a dungeon?
O.P: Neither thankfully.
V.S: Baby! You're starting to hurt me.
O.P: OK, I'm going to finish this story and I want you stop me when I lie or exagurate.
V.S: Sure.
O.P: So after-
V.S: Stop.
[Laughter]
O.P: As I was saying, it time for the two of us to play music together... apparently Vinyl took that phrase the wrong way.
V.S: You mean the right way.
O.P: I honestly don't see how I'm surprise at you anymore.
L.M: What happened?
O.P: We had to move our stations closer and- Vinyl, stop laughing.
[Laughter]
V.S: You're so cute, you know that.
W.C: We could just let these two take over the show, couldn't we?
O.P: So started playing and over the course of our number, I notice Vinyl etching closer and closer to my station.
V.S: I was making myself comfortable.
O.P: Oh, I believe that much. I brush it off as I didn't know if you had to move around a computer station-
V.S: Mixing board, fuddy duddy.
O.P: So I just brushed it off. The lights made it difficult for me to see most of the ponies in the audience, but I could see some of them in the front few rows laughing. Some of them were pointing at me. I was so focused on the music at the time that I didn't notice anything else, until the music finally slowed down. I started to feel something.
V.S: Yeah, she did.
O.P: I felt some sort of- I'm not quite sure what the words are.
V.S: A sensation?
O.P: That's the last thing I'll call it. Whatever it was, I looked down... and as it turns out, Vinyl had been rubbing her flank up against mine.
[Laughter]
V.S: Admit it, there was a spark!
O.P: That was static electricity!
L.M: Holy Celestia- HAHAHAHA!
O.P: I couldn't move from my position on the stage, so I couldn't move. I just stood there... and so did she... grinding me for ten straight minutes.
W.C: Why were we not there?!
V.S: You loved it!
O.P: It was humiliating! Ponies kept asking me to sign pictures of it.
L.M: That doesn't sound too-
O.P: They were all nerdy teenagers.
L.M: What if I ask for a picture of it?
V.S: Make it two.
O.P: I hate you all
[Laughter]
V.S: Look, I know we're screwing around a lot, but I think we should clear a few things up.
O.P: Second bright idea of the night. Did you two gentlecolts get a lot of fan mail regarding Vinyl's last appearance?
W.C: Sure did.
O.P: And what were they about exactly?
W.C: Well, a lot of them were ponies coming to your defense actually. They said that what Vinyl was doing was slander.
V.S: I got a couple of those, too. I don't know how ponies got e-mail.
O.P: One of the reasons I came onto the show tonight was to let everypony know that Vinyl and I have been friends since high school. Vinyl meant no disrespect.
V.S: The thing at the concert was just a joke. I wouldn't have done it if I knew it was going to weird her out.
L.M: So you just came onto the show to have a laugh about what happened?
O.P: Yeah. We've been close friends for a good chunk of our lives. We get on each others nerves every not and then, but so do the best of friends.
V.S: If the element wielders can have a Dragon Ball Z fight and still come out OK, we can buck around a little bit and be perfectly fine.
L.M: I had a feeling you'd be fine, but I'm glad to here it, you know?
V.S: It's like I said last time I was on; Once you make pony scream, they can only hate you so much.
O.P: The scream in question came from when I found out she'd be playing with at the concert.
V.S: Love you, Octy.
O.P: Love you too, Vinyl.
L.M: Aww, there's hugging now.
W.C: More tongue!
O.P: Honestly Vinyl, how did you find these idiots?
V.S: I have tendency to attract idiots. It's curse really.
L.M: I can't help but feel that includes you, Octy.
O.P: Of course I'm an idiot. I agreed to be on this show, didn't I?
[Laughter]
W.C: This has been a lot of fun.
L.M: We're not done yet. We've still got a movie to talk about.
W.C: Boy, do we.
L.M: If you girls don't want to stick around-
V.S: We've stayed this long, right?
O.P: I suppose there's no point in leaving yet.
L.M: Sweet. Now, everypony, we're about to go into full spoiler territory here, so if you don't want to be spoiled, tune out now. You gone? OK. Wise?
W.C: Yeah?
L.M: What did you think of Stallion of Steel. In detail this time.
W.C: Like I said before, I liked it, didn't love it. But I will say this; Soarin' really pulled it off.
L.M: I know right!
W.C: For some pony who couldn't act, I was shocked by how convincing he was.
V.S: I never thought I would dig the nerdy, goody too shoes type, but I liked him a lot.
O.P: I thought he was very charming.
V.S: You should have seen her. Every time Mild Mannered was on screen, she blushed and started giggling like school filly.
L.M: Why does that not shock me?
W.C: Did you take the opportunity and go for the reach around, Vinyl?
O.P: She did... for my popcorn.
[Laughter]
V.S: She had it buttered.
W.C: I bet she did.
[Laughter]
O.P: Well forgive me for preferring the sweeter gentlecolts.
L.M: The same 'sweeter gentlecolt' that spent the whole third act of the movie hitting another mare?
V.S: Maybe that's what she into. Right babe?
O.P: I'm surprised you didn't go for the leather fetish joke.
W.C: Oh we'll get to that.
L.M: Twilight and Rainbow were pretty good too.
W.C: I thought Rainbow was OK. Twilight was actually decent.
V.S: I was just shocked he ended up with Meekly at the end.
L.M: Well, in the comics, he did. I think Final Cut was just trolling the fan boys.
W.C: Wouldn't be funny if the troll face popped up at the end?
L.M: Problem, nerds?
V.S: Speaking of which, wasn't there supposed to be a sex scene in the movie?
L.M: I guess they must have cut it.
W.C: Good thing. Octy would have exploded.
O.P: Only if it was with Meekly.
L.M: You used to be Meekly in high school didn't you?
V.S: You have no idea. She even had the same glasses.
W.C: The Buddy Holly, catch-me-buck-me glasses?
O.P: They were quite fashionable at the time.
L.M: That makes me wonder. Octy, what was Vinyl like in high school.
O.P: The same essentially.
V.S: I wasn't as hot back then.
O.P: She had so many pimples, the called her moon face.
[Chuckling]
V.S: Not true!
O.P: They thought Nightmare Moon was going to come bursting out of your pours with the rest of the goop.
[Laughter]
L.M: So you were the cool one back in high school?
V.S: By proxy only!
W.C: Did she play any instruments back then? The mixing board couldn't have been available to her back then.
O.P: Hmmm... does the skin flute count?
[Laughter]
V.S: You bitch!
L.M: Did the school supply that or did your parents have to pay for it?
W.C: Did you have a saddle bag compartment for it?
V.S: Buck you.
L.M: I keep having this image of you skipping down the hallways like the pied-piper.
W.C: With that gay-ass hat.
[Laughter]
L.M: Epic burn, girl!
O.P: I had actually been saving that one for a public forum.
V.S: You back stabbing-
O.P: Love you, Vinyl.
V.S: Bit me.
L.M: Let's wait till after we cut the mics off for that. What did you guys think of the effects?
W.C: Can you call them effects when a good chunk of them were actual super powers?
L.M: The point is, they looked pretty.
V.S: I would love to drop some acid and watch it again.
O.P: You say that about everything.
V.S: And I always mean it.
L.M: Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a trip it is.
[Laughter]
V.S: Imagine watching that red and blue blur go across the screen while you're high as a kite.
L.M: Is it too late to go back and see it?
W.C: Knowing our luck, it would be great, right up until Mistress Mayhem shows up and then it would turn south. We'd think he had descended into Tartarus or something.
L.M: Speaking of which...
W.C: Oh! Dear! Celestia!
L.M: Rarity as Mistress Mayhem stole the show. And I can't decide if it's in a good way or a bad way. I'm not even sure how to describe it.
O.P: One description came to mind as I was watching her.
L.M: And that was...?
O.P: To speak rather candidly; the bitch was crazy.
[Laughter]
W.C: It was like watching a Shakespearean actor read lines from 50 Shades of Grey while dragging kids to her dungeon.
[Laughter]
L.M: I don't think I can top that.
V.S: Same here.
O.P:Mmhmm.
L.M: For those of you who don't know, Rarity plays the villain of the movie, 'Mistress Mayhem'. She spends the whole movie in a dominatrix outfit, talking about saving Equestria through violence.
W.C: I loved that! "I'm going to make Equestria peacefully, by killing everypony horribly."
L.M: She was every single Final Fantasy villain wrapped up into one.
V.S: Nerd.
O.P: She was quite entertaining.
L.M: I kept expecting her to look into the mirror and go 'Would you buck me? I'd buck me'.
W.C: I would.
L.M: Even if those dragons were involved?
W.C: Especially. Speaking of which, how cool did that look?
V.S: It looked like a Rhapsody album cover.
W.C: Which is awesome!
L.M: The scene was awesome... until you realize it makes no damn sense.
W.C: How so?
O.P: I believe I know what Loud is referring to. Mistress Mayhem using a signal to attract dragons to Equestria. Somehow, the dragons were able to fly all the way to Canterlot in a matter of seconds.
L.M: Exactly!
O.P: It was physically impossible.
V.S: Yeah... you know what else is impossible?
O.P: What?
V.S: A stallion that can fly at the speed of sound and punch missile with his bare hooves.
O.P: You don't have to be so mean about it.
V.S: We're not even close to being even for the skin flute crack.
W.C: I think what Vinyl is trying to say is that you've got to suspend your disbelief for a lot of things.
L.M: Especially the high school stuff.
W.C: Yeah... that stuff was pretty weak.
L.M: A lot of the dialogue was lame too.
O.P: I just took that as things Super-Stallion would say. Wise, you're the... connoisseur of all things Super-Stallion. Isn't that true?
W.C: Well, yeah. It's just, they laid it on so thick. They could have been a bit subtler with it. Maybe give a bit more of a dark edge.
O.P: I don't think that would worked. He was fine the way he was.
V.S: Define 'fine'.
O.P: Every definition.
[Laughter]
L.M: That's what I'm talking about!
O.P: I may have had a few glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon before I came on.
W.C: I can't pronounce that, so you know it's good stuff.
O.P: I have a few cases in my carriage.
V.S: Drink on Octy tonight!
[Cheering]
W.C: We should probably wrap this up.
L.M: Yeah. OK, to summerize, I loved the action. The characters were good. Soarin' was great. Rarity was bucking hilarious and I'd go see it again. It's really good. Not great.
W.C: Same here.
V.S: Well, we really can't add much to that considering we worked on it.
L.M: Thanks for reminding me! We need to talk about your cameo.
W.C: Super pimp!
L.M: You were on screen for 10 seconds and you had the best line of the movie.
V.S: Like I said; Swag.
L.M: As for you Octy. The score was great, but that ending piece... holy Celestia! That was brilliant!
O.P: They said they wanted something heroic, so that's what I did.
L.M: It was beautiful. We're not just kissing your flank, you did an amazing job.
W.C: Although, It a little disappointing that they didn't use the old theme. It had horrible, silver-age style lyrics.
L.M: It wouldn't have fit.
W.C: You can tell a lot of fan boys are gonna be pissed.
L.M: Like you?
W.C: Well hell yeah!
L.M: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm feeling thirsty. Octy, do you wanna stick around for a while and share some of that fancy wine with the rest of us?
O.P: Sure, why not?
Next: Chapter 20: Obscurity - Finale!
Don'f forget to check out Club Harmony!
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It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again. HA!
Ah, I love references.
Oh yeah and first.
Second is the BEST!
Anyway I loooooove Vinyl and Octavia in this it's just so funny!
For some reason I immediately had a mental image of Alan Rickman...and threw up in my mouth a little.