Interlude: Bad Press
Interlude: Bad Press
The following is a recording from the late night 'Horse S--T!' radio show. The show is hosted by Loud Mouth and his co-host 'Wise Crack'. Every Thursday at 11:00 pm, the two sit down with a special guest as they discuss local events and funny stories that have happened in the week prior in a crude manner. The stories often involve tangents and long segway's, many of which lead to the hosts forgetting the original topic. The following is a transcript from the episode entitled 'Super-Bitches', recorded July 20th, 2012.
Loud Mouth: Wise Crack!
Wise Crack: What is up, my brother?
L.M: Nothing much, boy. Nothing much... except that a bunch horny chicks nearly burned Ponyville to the freaking ground!
W.C: Oh yeah, how could I forget?
L.M: Well, it may have had something to do with the fact you and I tend to stay away from crazy bitches.
W.C: I know, have you ever seen mares at a shoe sale?
L.M: Hehe, yeah. In fact, I'm fairly certain that fight was over a pair of shoes.
W.C: Nah. If it was over shoes, they would turned all of Equestria into Fallout: Canterlot.
[Laughter]
L.M: We have got a LOT to talk about this week, bro. But before we get to that, we have a special guest!
W.C: I know man! We're talking to each other when there's a mare right here in the room!
L.M: Why don't you hop on mic and introduce yourself?
Vinyl Scratch:I'm only getting on the mic now to tell you guys that I am deeply offended by these 'crazy bitches' comments and the shoe stuff. I am appalled and I expect better from both of you.
[Silence]
V.S: Pfft! I'm yanking you, mate. Thanks for having me on.
L.M: You Bitch! You had me goin' for a minute.
V.S: Realy?
L.M: No. Sit your ass down.
W.C: Vinyl Scratch, everypony! What's goin' on?
V.S: Lots of stuff, man. Ever since the wedding a couple months back, I've been getting jobs left and right.
L.M: That reminds me, Vinyl, do not take this as an insult to your skills-
V.S: I like where this is going.
L.M: But since when do they bring in a DJ for royal events?
W.C: Was Skrillex marrying the Living Tombstone?
V.S: Now THAT would have been a royal event! But nah, it turns out that Shining Armour is a fan so he asked me spin at the reception. He's really cool and so is his special lady.
L.M: Wait a minute... The captain of the royal guard listens to your stuff?
V.S: I know, right?!
L.M: Now, do you reckon that he marches his soldiers to your beats?
V.S: Nothing would get done in that army.
W.C: Dude, imagine the bride walking to one of your remixes.
V.S: I can't tell if that would be the fastest wedding ever or the slowest.
[Laugher]
L.M: Anyway, before we get on to the topic dejour-
W.C: Main topic.
L.M: That's what I said.
W.C: It's called the main topic. I'm taking your use of fancy words as an insult. It's called the main topic.
L.M: Well excuse me for making this mother bucker classy!
V.S: You two are the biggest dumb-asses I've ever met. I could throw a grass sandwich in front of the mic and it would say smarter things to the ponies.
L.M: Love you too, babe.
V.S: Bite me.
W.C: Before you kill us, you want to plug anything?
V.S: Yeah, man. I've got another gig at the Manehatten Musical Culture Garden Party. Me and bunch of other musicians are getting together and mixing styles together. I'm going to be on twice. The first time will be laying some beats to Octavia's cello.
L.M: Octavia? Wasn't she at the Grand Galloping Gala?
V.S: Yeah. Despite being stuck up at times, she can actually be pretty cool. Especially when you realize that she's connected to all the high society hot shots. I think she actually may have had something to do with me getting that job at the wedding.
W.C: They brought a DJ in, but didn't think to bring in a classical musician?
V.S: Yeah... I'm hoping no pony has told her the wedding has happened yet.
W.C: They had a chior of singing birds, but not a cello player?
V.S: The birds would have been easier to work with. There would have been less fine champagne needed to get to loosen up at the after party.
L.M: You saying you know how much it takes to get Octavia to 'loosen up'?
V.S: Hey, who I roofy at a the Canterlot Garden Party is no pony's buisness.
[Laughter]
V.S: I love you Octavia! That night meant the world to me! Even if you don't remember it! I hope I don't get you guys sued.
L.M: We've said much worse without getting sued.
W.C: What about the other performance?
V.S: Huh?
W.C: You said you were playing twice, what's the second one?
V.S: Oh yeah. That thing.
L.M: That thing you're supposed to plug you idiot.
V.S: Shut up. I'm also spinning with with one Equestria's biggest Church of Celestia musicians.
W.C: You're laying down beats for a religious musicians?
V.S: Yeah man. It's all about sharing the music with whoever you can.
L.M: What would that sound like? "We've got Celestia on the walls, who's sweat comes off her balls!"
[Laughter]
W.C: Now we're in trouble.
V.S: I'm totally going to work those lyrics into the song and dedicate it to you guys.
L.M: And I'll fly over there and shove Octavia's cello up your plot.
V.S: You speak as though I haven't tried that yet.
[Laughter]
L.M: Girl, you are nasty!
V.S: That's what Octy said.
[laughter]
W.C: Octavia probably hates you now.
V.S: Nah. When you make a pony scream, they can only hate you so much.
[Laughter]
V.S: Oh wow, I've bucked up.
W.C: Don't we have a topic?
L.M: Oh yeah, that thing!
V.S: That thing you get paid to talk about.
L.M: I already talked to Wise about this a tiny bit at the beginning, but have you heard about this, Vinyl?
V.S: Sort off. I heard that it happened and saw some picture online, but I haven't read the details or anything.
W.C: Didn't you play for the crew?
V.S: I played at the pre-filming party and... actually, I think I may have something to add to this, but pull up the story first.
L.M: Okay everpony. I'm pulling the story up now for us to read. If you want to follow along, go to 'Equestrian Daily' who has the story we're reading now.
W.C: You're going to love this, Vinyl.
V.S: I can tell.
L.M: Okay, I've got the story here. Vinyl, Wise, have you guys been keeping up with this Super-Stallion thing?
W.C: I was a big fan of Super-Stallion and all the movies when I was a colt.
L.M: Me too.
V.S: I played at the party, that's about it.
L.M: You never read Super-Stallion as a kid?
V.S: Nah.
W.C: Not even the movies?
V.S: He just never interested me. Not sure why.
W.C: Not enough wubs?
V.S: Exactly! I can't believe I never saw it before now! If he shot wubs out of his plot, I would watch that.
L.M: You need to write the sequel where he gets that power.
V.S: Final Cut, if you're listening, give me that job! You'll reach a whole new demographic!
W.C: And only that demographic.
L.M: Long story short, two of the Mares from the movie went crazy, fought each other and nearly crushed Ponyville in the process. Do you guys know why?
W.C: Nope.
V.S: Nah.
L.M: Then you guys are going to love this... Remember everypony, I'm pulling this story up from Equestria Daily if you want to read along. [Clears Throat] Last night, Ponyville suffered over 200,000 bits worth of damage when Twilight Spakle and Rainbow Dash attacked each other, resulting in a violent altercation that eventually brought their friends into fight.
W.C: Aren't those the element wielders?
L.M: Yeah, I forgot that.
W.C: I didn't realize the elements of harmony could make you crazy like this.
V.S: Maybe this was part of Sparkle's friendship training.
L.M: Now what lesson would be covered with this?
V.S: "Dear Princess Celestia, friendship is a wonderful, magical thing... but if you touch my stallion, Twilight will have to choke a bitch. You're faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
[Laughter]
L.M: Friendship is magic, but buck those bitches!
W.C: You reckon Shinning Amour will still be a fan after this?
L.M: We'll have to record your next your next guest spot from the moon.
W.C: Let us know when you're getting sent up so we can give you a bunch of satellite pieces for you to assemble.
L.M: Equestria will be the only planet to have a moon that vibrates.
W.C: It'll be the best radio show that you can't hear.
V.S: Buck both of you!
L.M: Back on topic; while it is not known what the cause of the outburst was, but many fans have speculated that the two mares were involved in a love triangle with the star of the film; Soarin', This theory has spread like wildfire over the internet after Rainbow kissed Soarin' at the film's panel at Canterlot Comic Con, which many fans pointed out that Sparkle reacted negativity to the incident.
W.C: Dude, that's hilarious to me.
V.S: Why?
W.C: Because they're playing alternative love interests in the movie.
V.S: Are you serious right now?
W.C: Yep!
V.S: Oh that is awesome! And I think it's true.
L.M: Why?
V.S: Okay, you remember how I played at the filming party?
L.M: Yeah?
V.S: When I was taking a break, I saw Soarin' putting the moves on both of them.
L.M: Are you kidding me?
V.S: Sparkle got hurt in the mosh pit and Soarin' started patching her up, but right before that, I saw Soarin' flirting with Rainbow at the booth. And top it all off, there was a point were it looked like he was moving on them both at the same time.
W.C: That dude is pimp!
V.S: I know, right?!
L.M: Since they're pushing the romantic triangle aspect of the movie, I'm wondering if they'll take the news footage from the fight and just splice it into the movie.
W.C: Just cut back and forth to Super-Stallion, watching them and eating a bowl of popcorn?
L.M: The movie just builds up to a big threesome.
V.S: Best. Movie. Ever.
W.C: Only thing that would make it better would be wubs.
V.S: Exactly!
L.M: Make a foursome and stick Rarity in there.
V.S: Was that her in all the leather?
W.C: That's her costume from the movie. She's playing Mistress Mayhem.
L.M: Is it 'Mistress Mayhem' or 'Mayhem Mistress'?
W.C: Who cares? She's hot!
V.S: She looks good in leather, I'm not gonna lie.
W.C: I don't know if I can go with you there.
V.S: Why not?
W.C: Leather is hot... but it just seems weird on her. I'm not sure.
V.S: Hmmm... now that you mention it, she does kind of look like the dominatrix from 'Equestrian Horror Story' had sex with a marshmallow.
[Laughter]
W.C: That needs to be her new origin story!
V.S: Seriously! Final! Call me! We'll make this happen!
L.M: You would just end the movie with a threesome.
V.S: Threesome's make everything better.
L.M: Pop quiz! If you and Octavia could have a third, who would it be?
V.S: Luna.
W.C: Luna?
V.S: Have you seen that flank?
W.C: You know what? You would be put in charge of directing the Super-Stallion movie and the end product would be a sex tape with you, Octavia and Luna.
V.S: And you'd watch it, wouldn't you?
W.C: I didn't say I wouldn't.
L.M: I've already bought my tickets.
[Laughter]
V.S: Back to the story!
L.M: [Clears Throat] Behind the scenes, Princess Celestia granted Soarin' the actual powers of Super-Stallion, that would last long enough for filming to be complete, however, his arrival on the scene indicated that these powers have since expired.
W.C: What was he doing to burn through those powers so quickly?
V.S: Mounting Celestia? That would take it out of anypony.
L.M: I don't remember much from the comics, but I do remember that Super-Stallion gets his powers from the sun. How would mounting Celestia take his powers away?
V.S: Maybe it was so good it made his powers explode!
W.C: Like All-Star Super-Stallion.
[Silence]
V.S: What?
W.C: It was a story were he flew to close to the sun and it made him sick and killed him.
V.S: NERD!
W.C: BITCH!
L.M: Moving on; The site has since settled and Sparkle, Rainbow, Soarin' and Cut have been admitted into Ponyville hospital for recovery. The Super-Stallion film is due for a release later this year.
W.C: This stuff is crazy man.
L.M: The name 'Final Cut' sounds familiar. What else has he done?
W.C: I pulled up his IMDB page and his first film was called 'Deez Nuts Present: Ponyback Mountain'.
[Laughter]
L.M: Please tell me you're telling the truth.
W.C: The absolute truth.
V.S: If Deez Nuts presented this movie, I would be first in line.
L.M: I wonder what other movies those guys have sponsored. 'Deez Nuts present: Equestrian Beauty'.
W.C: Deez Nuts Present; The Bat-Mare Rises'.
V.S: Deez Nuts Present: Vinyl, Octavia and Luna. A Night to Remember'.
[Laughter]
L.M: You should direct that movie.
V.S: If anypony listening to this has a bunch of money to blow, please finance this project!
W.C: Make a kickstarter for it.
L.M: I will finance this today!
[Laughter]
V.S: I swear I'm not like this in real life.
L.M: Don't lie. By the way, it didn't say this in the story, but I heard that the two girls were shouting quips at each other back and forth.
W.C: What do you mean?
L.M: They were shouting stuff like 'You can't take a joke', 'I can deliver a punchline'.
W.C: Oh lord!
L.M: Was there a moment when Rainbow shook her hoof and said [Deep Voice] I'll get you next, Sparkle! Next Time!"
W.C: [Old-Timey Voice] Will Sparkle beat Rainbow? Will Vinyl get that threesome? Will Soarin' tap dat ass? Tune in next week! Same pony time! Same pony Chanel!"
[Laughter]
V.S: Wow, this has been fun.
L.M: This is the raunchiest thing we've ever recorded.
W.C: I had a lot of fun tonight, man.
L.M: Me too. How about you Vinyl?
V.S: This has been a blast! Thank you so much for having me on.
L.M: Anytime. Before we move onto email, do you want to plug that thing again?
V.S: Me. Playing music in Manehatten. Octavia. Luna. Three-ways. Be there!
W.C: I've already bought my tickets.
L.M: Do you we have any fan emails, Wise?
W.C: Hang on, I'll check.
Next: Chapter 13: Contractual Obligations!
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The references... manly tear.
Vinyl's right, Luna has one sweet flankdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
939768 Which references? Also... 100th Comment!
939775 All of them, there were many!
Vinyl and Luna sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Ok, I need to know, do you people want to see more of Smart Mouth and Wise Crack?
940146 Yes!
That was hilarious! 
Also, I'm on sure if I'm reading this correctly:
"Maybe this was party of Sparkle's friendship training."
940381 And Fixed! I was considering a spin off possibly. Anything in particular you like?
940390Suprise me