not bad

A pony who's special talent is, what I'm assuming, scaring people. Interesting.

>>10084851008485

Bingo my friend. Hit the nail on the head so hard you busted straight through the wood you were nailing.

>>10084011008401

Some constructive criticism is always welcome if you have suggestions.

The last half of this chapter is in italics. I don't know if it was intentional, but I noticed an extra italics bracket before it started.

>>10086451008645

thanks, fixed it  

Not at all bad. Certainly not what I was expecting, but in a good way. I think this deserves much more views and likes than it has. A couple of minor typing mistakes, but bearable. All in all it flowed smoothly, and was quite touching. Much better than half the romantic stories the dolts on this site manage to come up with. I will say, is there or will there be a sequel to this, detailing more between what happens between Skeleton Grin and Soarin? Maybe more about Skeleton Grin's past? If so, I'd say I MUST read it

I have to say that this is an amazing story, I don't think I've read anything quite like it since I started reading pony fan fiction. I noticed a couple tiny mistakes here and there, usually just something not being capitalized. As for the story itself the OC was pretty unique and the development between her and Soarin was interesting. On the flip side we don't know much about Skeleton, how she got here scars, or how she came to be where she is now in both location and mental state. I suppose that's not really vital to the story but I would have loved to learn more about her, unless she's an OC from another story that I haven't read and I'm just missing out on something there. Also I know that things have to end at some point, but I would have liked to see what happens in the maze, and possibly further into the future between the two. Nevertheless I think this was a perfect end to my day, a great fiction and the thought of getting warm in my bed

P.S. I hope you eventually find the inspiration or inclination to write more about Skeleton, I said it already but I'll say it again, I'd love to learn more about the background of this OC. And it looks like I'm not the only one with similar thoughts.

>>10091811009181

well, to be honest this was going to be a one part tale, but I received that many requests concerning her past and her future I'm considering continuing it in a small story concerning not only future but past as well.

>>10091931009193

Sorry about the mistakes I've made, I tried to catch them all. I have a tendency to get overexcited when I write. You're not missing anything from another story though, Skeleton Grin is one of my many characters and she made her debut in this tale.

I did actually begin to write a followup tale, 'Ghosts of Skeleton's Past', but I never got very far with it when I got caught up with all my rewriting. I might continue it it inbetween the rewrites though. It'll stop me from being bored at least and that's something.

Thanks for the praise guys

This was fun, yet short read. Cheers!

>>10092531009253 There's no need to apologize for the tiny mistakes, it happens to everyone and it can be hard if you try to catch those errors by yourself. This is one of those stories that I can look past these little details and enjoy the story for what it is, especially since they're pretty uncommon in this fic. The title for the follow-up sounds interesting and I hope you do continue with it so I can sate my curiosity

Nicely done!

I personally agree with comments #4 and especially #5,

they wrote better than what I could and very similar to what I would have so that's why I agree with them

Again beautifully executed and I desire more of Skeleton Grin

>Says the story's a "one shot".

>Has eleven chapters.

Seems Legit.

All joking aside, it looks like it'll be an interesting read. Here's to hoping the OC's enjoyable.

>>10094461009446

It's short in comparison to most. Only 16 and a half thousand words as opposed to 44 thousand.

I won't lie: The story felt rushed at the end, although the pacing was good otherwise. What I wish most, however, is that we'd gotten to know Grin better. Although scars often get noted as a Sue's quality, execution matters, and here the execution works well: I desperately want to know Grin's story. Almost as desperately as I want to know why the story was titled "Nyctophobia" when a fear of the dark did not figure into the plot at all.

>>10095161009516

Fear of the dark is factored in many ways, simply not in the normal way. While I didn't actively make anypony afraid of the dark literally, there are many ways for one to perceive darkness. For example, In the darkness one perceives things in different ways. Soarin was kept in the dark about her identity, and he began to fear that he'd lose her, eventually giving into the fear and brought back out quickly by Fleetfoot. Skeleton Grin perceives Soarin's acceptance and affections for Fleetfoot, that were made in chaste and good faith, as a death warrant for her potential relationship, Her identity itself is kept in the shadows. She covers herself in black garments, appearing dark and mysterious. She hides her talent, keeping other ponies in the dark.

I'm using it as a big metaphor. Fear of the dark pertains to fear of the unknown in the way that the darkness veils the known, making our minds perceive it as unknown, or hides things that we'd rather know or would best be kept within the light.

It's complicated.

I loved it! I really loved the pacing, it was juuuust right! I'm in love with the OC, and I hope to see more of her! Her backstory would be very interesting!

My good sir, I give you 9 lovesick Koalas out of 8!

Why do I feel my OC, Monotone, would like this mare you've got here?

I like it. Nice work.

I feel ridiculous reading this. I'm listening to the Knife Party remix of Save the World, by Swedish House Mafia. Listening to hard dubstep while reading a touching romantic fic is just...you get my point.

>>10098521009852

If it makes you feel better, I wrote most of my fiction (almost all romance) whilst listening to Hollywood Undead.

Simply amazing. Now I just need you to check me out of the insane asylum, okay?

>>10098881009888

Okie-dokie-lokie!

Always watching the clock...the clock doesn't stop...it can't stop...it won't stop...I don't want it to stop...tick...tock.

Awesome story bro! keep up the great work!

A great read especially on my day off from work! Thanks for making my day Valorousspectre!

oh man, just took me about 5 hours to read, totally awesome! loved it too. i cant wait to see more.

I don't really like romance stories because...I just don't, but this one is nice.

I like it.

>>10098521009852 I like that song. xD

I was getting bored waiting for updates to appear... so i went browsing and i found this. now trust me when i say that ive read alot on this site (3,128,000 words) this is one of the best in my books

Great job, this is awesome!

Oh please make a follow up story to this

Amazing! I loved this story from start to finish, and Grin is a very interesting character. It would be amazing if we could know more about her and her backstory. All in all 10 out of 10 for this fic it's been a while since ive enjoyed a fic like this

Holy jesus Christ in heaven I've collected a few comments on this!

>>10114141011414

This was actually a stroke of inspiration tale, so it's a little rushed, particularly towards the end, But I'm glad you like it and I plan to.

>>10132841013284

Awww, Thanks buddy. I certainly try~

>>10134031013403

Well, I'm glad you took five hours out of your life to read my story~ I'm grateful you did and glad you enjoyed it.

>>10140451014045

Would you look at that! Even peoples who don't like romance like this story! No but seriously, I'm glad you liked it.

>>10145351014535

Hory Sheet that's a lot of words. Thanks a lot for the compliment man, it means a lot to me.

>>10150231015023

Danke

>>10232401023240

Well thank you for the compliment~ And that brings me to our last comment...

>>10213301021330

A followup story. You know I've gotten a lot of people ask me on here and fanfic.net if I can/if I am making a followup tale for Nyctophobia. You know, originally, I was simply going to leave it at this, but SOOOOOOO many people wanted to hear about Skeleton's past that I... well...

You'll have to keep an eye out won't you?

>>10248291024829 What can I say? Believable, well written. Romance isn't my thing, but I'm a sucker for a good story.

>>10258521025852

I'm writing a sequel for it describing Skeleton's past if that interests you.

>>10258751025875 Sounds great. I'd like to read that.

>>10248291024829 oh I'll be keeping a very very close eye on you

>>10263411026341

I'm worried

>>10264281026428

Wow, that was touching

I hope you'll write a sequel or something :), I really want to know more about our little Grin, she's absolutly cute and a lovely OC, one of the best I know so far to be honest^^.

Great story, dude, I really like your style and your story ideas fit perfectly with that what I desire :D. I beg you for writing more stories like this, or at least continue this one. I love this OC. I love her character so much, even if I dont know so much, she caught all of my heart.

Keep it up!

Sincerely,

Galicorn

(sorry about my enlish^^-> ain't my first language)

Odd, but i like it

S.G.'s Face When:

Image: http://i.qkme.me/3owmfu.jpg

Dawwwwwwww....

Wow, this is making a great late night marathon.  Thanks man!!!

Wow this was sooo good! WHY DOESNT IT HAVE MORE GREEN THUMBS?

You have an excellent story here <3

This is one of the best fics I have ever read. And I mean that honestly. Have a mustache:

Love this story. Its brilliant

So good cant stop reading this. Love it

must continue

Tempted to d-vote just for the fact such a great story is over. but I'm better then that. out of ten mustaches you get

>>10709411070941

All good things come to an end.

My god that was fucking amazing please write more like this

>>10710661071066

Sad as it is I understand. Oh well just gotta reread it and read the follow up.

Just started reading half an hour ago and man am I HOOKED , its like heroin man only good

Now to the gala

It ended too quickly i want more skeleton i Need more skeleton please ?

all drama aside , nice story , no backstory about S.G. , but who am I to complain , ONWARD To The Sequel

Well maybe after some sleep my Eyes

One minor error I noticed:  One of the responses from Grin's subconscious wasn't typed in red like all the others.  Aside from that, loving the story so far.  Now to finish reading the rest of it...

>>10145351014535 You have much to read young grass hoppah .

Great story by the way.  I really, really like Grin as a character.  She needs more stories.  I know you wrote a followup about her past, but she still needs more.  An infinite number of stories must be written about her.  A lot of people make OCs, but most of them are lackluster at best.  Grin though....she's very intriguing.  A pony who's friendless and unhappy because she scares ponies, has scaring ponies as her special talent and enjoys doing it no less.  Now off to the sequel....

How did that get in my eye ........ frickin dusty room ;-;

I remember seeing this in the latest stories and loving it but I'm guessing I gotta read your other fics to understand some parts

>>11402341140234

Which parts do you not understand? Perhaps I can clear things up for you.

I wonder what her job is...

You go girl.

Image: http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/662879798da7dc03e87009f3092dda6f2063f4cf_m.gif

GGG I guess.

Probably the best prologue I have seen for the amount of words you used ...first :3

Aaaand I'm already creeped out by Skeleton Grin

Seems to be a good read though

This really hasn't got as much attention as it should be getting.

This is a odd but good read so far.

Woooooow.....that went downhill soo fast!

I think my only complaint would be that it ended so suddenly but you have a sequel to make up for that sooooo....meh... Off to read that then I 'spose

THIS. IS. BUCKING. EPIC!!!!

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQY8ySlea7yjinulv5Mo_rv1mZQxIhwao-LpaVHfrTZ-sD7r-PI

Her special talent is seeing the darkness in others, I think.  Or she could be talented at making horror stories.

This is a great love story, it is set up for a situation of either great tragedy or great triumph.

Is Soarin angry at himself or at Skeleton Grin?

In a story that i have in my head that if i get off my lazy flank and write it, it would be a real story! i'm derailing... I would have one of my characters say that

This isn’t a fairytale _____; you know it’ll never happen...

I can't stop reading! This is wonderfully written. I love this story!

An interesting start.

A couple mistakes and poorly-written sentences here and there, but this is nonetheless very intriguing!

How does this story not have more attention than it's gotten? Seriously, this is one of the most original and gripping concepts I've ever seen in pony fan-fiction.

How romantic. :')

There are a few repeated mistakes here that have been bothering me for some time:

     -“No way Echo, We work as a team, as part of a whole! You know that!”

     One should not capitalize the "W" in his context, as it's not a name.  This same errors happened a couple more times later on in the chapter.

Secondly:

     -Spitfire gasped.

     “You? I always...”

     Since both of these sentences relate to Spitfire, they should be kept as a single paragraph.  As it wasn't, the entire dialogue exchange in the second half of the chapter was a bit confusing to read.

     Other than that, still lovin' this story!

Oh no...

My only negative critique for this chapter, aside form the occasional grammatical errors, is the cameo of Gray Lapis.  It just feels utterly pointless and disorienting for a random OC to show up, especially in such an irrelevant manner.

All the time you've spent in this fic building up to this moment makes it all the more satisfying and heartwarming to see. :')

Escalation!  Yay!

>>14640491464049

Whilst I do apologise for the grammatical errors in my chapters, The Cameo of Gray Lapis most certainly is not useless. I will bid you not to judge my motives until such a time as the entire storyline has been completed, including the as of yet uncompleted sequel, 'Ghosts of Skeletons Past'. Gray wasn't brought in as a cameo, he was brought in for a reason. Most everything I do in stories is for a reason.

Yay! Happy endings all around. And it isn't a POS fic, which, unfortunately, fics with such endings usually are.

Phenomenal. Ten out of ten.

>>14665381466538

POS?

Aw...

>>14668851466885

It's short for piece of shit. I was complementing you on your ability to write a good story with a Disney-esque ending without botching it. I run into that far too often for my liking.

>>14749161474916

oh. Thanks!

I don't normally like OC's, but this one was very interesting. Dark, but not too dark. You rode the line between overly angsty and boringly happy like a champ.