Afraid to get Dirty?

GOING THERE IS A CANTERNOT

“Beautiful, Spike murmured.

Twilight looked around Town Hall and it was quite a spectacle indeed. The Town Hall was bigger than it looked on the inside and whoever designed the place obviously had an eye for fashion. Twilight had obviously seen larger areas what with being a student of Celestia but for a place so very….. rural it was strange to see a well-designed areas that even... Canterlot ponies would dignify if not secretly at least. Tapestries surrounded the area ranging from a dark blue to a light yellow and Twilight swore she could see parts of the area sparkling. In the front stood the balcony in which here wonderful teacher Celestia would appear to grace the residents of this town with her presence.

“You’re right Spike, Beautiful indeed, Twilight said approvingly,

“Not the decor, her, Spike said dreamily pointing his scaly claw at a unicorn across the room. Twilight took a closer look and saw exactly who spike was pointing at. There she was, a white unicorn with a purple swirly mane and three diamonds for a cutie mark.

“Three gemstones? That’s odd. Unicorns aren’t known much for heavy lifting or working particularly hard at least in terms of physical strength, I wonder what she does for a living. Ugh, never mind, focus Twilight just find who you came here for and then you can get to what’s really important here..

“No… no… no… oh goodness no” the unicorn said as her horn glowed a cyan blue, levitating multiple ribbons to her side with ease, first a yellow than a blue and finally a green one.

“How are my spines? Are they straight? Spike asked, Twilight responded with a roll of her eyes and then began to trot over to the unicorn wondering if she knew who she was looking for. Spike however didn’t follow, staying in the back, staring with his eyes half open.

“Good afternoon” Twilight said, trying to gain the attention of the unicorn.

“Just a moment" the unicorn said, only slightly turning around continuously shifting ribbons as she talked, “I am in the zone as it were”

This remark caused Twilight to shift her eyes up on confusion. “In the zone as it were? Yep definitely a prim and proper unicorn, i can tell by her mannerisms although her voice sounds as if she’s trying too hard to sound like a Canterlot Pony and I swear something looks wrong with those eyelashes. Ugh I’m getting distracted again just focus on the task at hand Twilight”.

“Hello? I’m kind of in need of some important information could what you’re doing hold on for just a brief moment? Twilight asked, her patience beginning to wear thin. The unicorn waved her hoof aside still glaring intensely at her ribbons.

“Sorry darling, the unicorn said, just one little thing and I’ll be done.” The unicorn then levitated a red ribbon next to the pole she was standing on and attached it.

“Oh yes, sparkle always does the trick does it not? Oh Rarity you are such a talent," Rarity said practically beaming at her own handiwork

Twilight decided not to reply to that remark,

“No comment Twilight say nothing say nothing, well at least I learned her name, that’s a start.”

Rarity then turned around ready to meet the assistance of this new voice

“Now then how can I help, AHHHHHHH!” Rarity screamed as she jumped in the air disturbed by the tangled messy and well any other term you could use to describe mess mane of the lavender pony in front of her.

Twilight couldn’t help but be slightly offended at her reaction and raised her eyebrow in suspicion.

“Is there something wrong with me? Ms. Rarity I believe.”

Rarity’s eyes darted around looking for the right words to say as to not offend the new resident in front of her. She decided to use the most gracious answer possible

“Darling whatever happened to your mane?! Rarity shouted and then mentally facehoffed regretting her choice of words.

“Ugh subtle Rarity real subtle indeed!”

Twilight however just shrugged it off, glancing upwards to see exactly what the big deal was about.

“Oh my mane? Oh don’t worry about it it’s a long story. I just came to check on the decorations and then I’ll be out of your hair, hopefully as soon as possible.”

Rarity however wouldn’t stand by this, she couldn’t allow another pony to go by and live with such a crime on fabulosity she must do something about it or else she couldn’t call herself a fashion designer for nothing.

“Out of my hair darling, what about your hair?” Rarity asked dashing behind Twilight and pushing her forward. She knew it would be seen as slightly rude but it didn’t matter as long as she could fix this pony’s hair! This pony would forgive her anyway after what she would do to her.

Twilight however wasn’t as fond of this action and called for help Spike following behind her although he somehow seemed to be flying with hearts in his eyes.
Wait how is this even possible? Does dragon biology work this way? Can emotions be transferred through the leylines of dragons and change their eyes? If so why a heart? This makes no logical sense. On that note how is he flying? He has no wings, on that note why as I letting rarity push me like this I’m on a mission! Ugh I’ll just let her fix my mane and then leave, for real this time.

TWO HOURS LATER

“Now go on my dear, Rarity said, staring at her own handiwork, you were telling me where you’re from.” Rarity then grabbed the fabric twilight was wearing and started pulling back tightening it around Twilight's waist much to her displeasure.

Twilight was huffing trying to get the words out despite the crushing feel of what she was wearing making her feel as it her eyes were going to pop out of her skull.

“ I’m- Present- from Canterlot,” Twilight said her eyes beginning to tear up when suddenly she went flying her face hitting the floor and an aching sensation coursed through her horn meaning something must have broke or at least sprained, forming a small crack on the front side. Rarity however didn’t seem to have noticed, her eyes shining and my transfixing on what she had just heard.

“Canterlot?!” Rarity asked, jumping close enough to Twilight that their muzzles practically touched I’ve always dreamed of living there! The ponies are ever so sophisticated and perfect for a mare of my talents. Please tell me everything you know I must know everything.”

Twilight went silent, her mind racing seeing if she could remember anything positive she could tell this unicorn about Canterlot, she couldn’t. All that came to her mind were memories of times she’d rather forget, times she buried in the recess of her mind determined to forget about once she became to student of the princess of the sun. Memories came flooding back to her times as a filly and how she suffered.

“How could a pony like her become the princess’s pupil? She’s not born into a royal family”

“How do you feel being such a special snowflake you egghead?”

“I deserved that spot! You wouldn’t have gotten this spot if not for the explosion!

“Curse you Sparkle and your family! Rot in Tartarus for all of eternity!”

“Hello? hello! Are you okay darling? Wake up!” Rarity was confused, Twilight seemed to have gone into some kind of shock. Her hind legs were shaking and her eyes had shortened to pinpricks. If not for the fact Twilight was standing upright she would have been afraid this new acquaintance of her was having a seizure. She raced up to her and moved forward until their horns practically connected. The pain of Rarity’s horn connecting against the chipped crack in Twilight’s broke her out of her trance, the light beginning to come back to her eyes.

“Oh darling,” Rarity sighed with relief and turned around. “You’re okay, what happened to you? You seemed to pass out for a brief second, let me take you to the ponyville spa, Lotus and her sister will help ease all of your troubles-”

“Tell me,”

“Pardon?” Rarity was confused, she turned back around to look at this strange unicorn but her face was devoid of any emotion. Her eyes were slanted and her mouth was nothing more than a line”

“Tell me, why? Why would you want to live in Canterlot?” Twilight began to move forward towards Rarity her face down as a way to prevent any emotion from being shown.

Rarity began to quickly back away becoming intimidated by the pony in front of her

“W- why wouldn’t you want to live in Canterlot? It’s the most sophisticated place in all of Equestria. The ponies there are ever so couth, the art, the beauty, the chance of meeting- well never mind that, that’s something for another time. With my talent with fashion designing I’d be popular, I’d be astonishing I’d be the type of pony everypony should know.” I’d have all the friends I could possibly-

“Rarity please stop right there” Twilight interrupted putting her hoof in her mouth to contain the laughter she was trying to hold in. “In Canterlot friends aren’t possible, the closest things you can have to friends are partners and even then that’s not saying much and from the dialogue I’ve heard from you so far you would fit right in with all the nobles there who believe anypony who isn’t like them is beneath them.”

Rarity’s jaw might as well have dropped she was shocked, how could a mare who had grown up in that- wonderful city have such open hostility towards it? Maybe she could help change her mind, it couldn’t be that hard, right?

Rarity took in a deep breath and began to speak,

“I-”

“Rarity you’re a sensible mare. I believe you know when it’s uncouth to interrupt somepony when they’re speaking”

Rarity shut up instantly
“That’s what it’s like in Canterlot. Now Rarity” Twilight said, taking a seat on a stool by the corner of the sewing area “Tell me where exactly, are your parents from?”

Rarity was confused she didn’t understand what this had to do with anything but she didn’t really have a choice in answering, if Twilight’s looks could kill she would be in a morgue right now.

“As much as I hate to admit it, my parents were born in Stalliongrad, my mother didn’t have a job and my father wanted me to join some terrible sports team for some game called Buckball. Ugh it would have been terrible”, Rarity swooned backwards and a couch appeared out of nowhere much to Twilight’s confusion. “Flies would have gotten in my mane and hours standing in the sun can do such horrors to your fur, oh wait I’m going on a tangent aren’t I? Anyway we eventually moved here to Ponyville and the rest as i believe others say is history.”

Rarity looked back at Twilight who gave her look that she swore could be of pity.

Twilight rubbed her hoof against her forehead “Rarity let me be honest with you, knowing that information you wouldn't survive a moon in Canterlot. Canterlot has spies everywhere and once you get on somepony’s bad side your family history will be the first thing they go after. If you weren’t born in Canterlot like I was you’ll be considered as impure and rumors will spread fast ruining any sense of reputation you may have. Now answer me another question, what separates Canterlot ponies from Ponyville ponies?”

“I- I” Rarity was in shock

“How is this possible- she must be lying, she never gave any specific examples of ponies this happened to of course it doesn't explain why she would want to lies to me but that’s irrelevant”

“Simple” Rarity said giving Twilight a look of victory knowing she had found a trump card for this argument. “Canterlot ponies are simply superior, They’re the elite class of Equestria, they wear clothes, their accents, the unicorns have so much class and to put in simply the ponies in Ponyville don’t have that. Instead of ponies like the one in Canterlot we get ponies like the Apples and while I don’t want to sound like a total mule, their way of living is simply barbaric. Rarity brushed her hoof as if there was some filthy substance on it. “They spend all day doing manual labor and have so much wasted potential in them. I met one of them personally I believe she goes by the name Applejack, I tried to talk to her but couldn’t understand what she was saying due to that barbaric accent. She could do so much with that mane of hers and I know for a fact she went to Mane-

“RARITY DO ME A FAVOR A SHUT UP!” Rarity felt some force hit her in the chest and her body slid across the room, thankfully this unicorn didn’t pack much magical energy into that blast or else she would have been toast but judging by the marks left of her fur she wouldn’t be getting up for a while. She looked at the unicorn in front of her, her eyes emboldened with rage her pupils a birght red, her eyes a bright green and a purple misama rolling out of her eyes.

The unicorn walked towards her the mere strength her magical power causing the floor beneath her to crack, nothing rarity couldn’t fix but it would cost a heavy amount of materials to do so. “So you’re telling me that the citizens of Ponyville are inferior to Canterlot ponies simply because of their mannerisms? I met the Apple family myself and while they may not be the most civilized ponies out there, they at least have something Canterlot ponies don’t that being compassion! They only care about you if you’ll be seen as useful while the Apples consider everybody equal! They put family before all and if I had a choice I would put all the Canterlot ponies down here to do their work for them! It could teach them the values of hard work! Maybe if I took that horn away from you could learn too”. Twilight raised her hoof above the unicorn trembling beneath her. Just one move and the unicorn would be unicorn no more, simple as that. Twilight moved in for the attack ready to show this prissy unicorn just what she deserved-

“Twilight please stop this, this isn’t you!” Twilight turned her head to the side seeing her ever so faithful servant spike lying on the ground in a fetal position his eyes covered with tears. He had an emotion twilight never saw in him when referring to her that being fear”

“What, why? Why would Spike of all poni- erm beings be scared of me aren’t I doing the right thing I’m just putting this unicorn in- her…. Place.”

Twilight’s eyes began to shift back to their normal color as she noticed exactly what she was doing she had become a monster, she had allowed her blind hatred of Canterlot to consume her and taken it out on a pony who was nothing more than simply misguided.

All Rarity could feel was pain, her eyes were closed expecting the final blow to come but it never came. She opened her eyes to see the unicorn in tears sobbing uncontrollably with the dragon by her side patting her back trying to calm her down.

“Rarity?”

Rarity decided not to reply to the unicorn whose name she had heard was apparently Twilight maybe if she played dead she would leave and rarity could pretend this never happened she could just claim she injured herself sewing, everypony would believe her.

“Rarity I know you’re still awake. I can sense magic still running from the leylines if you were unconscious or dead it would be the opposite”

Rarity twitched, knowing she’d been found out was a major downside but maybe she could talk and then make a fashionable retreat the royal guards preparing for the celebration of Celestia were probably still there and could arrest this scoundrel. “Okay tell me what do you want from me?"

Twilight got up to her hooves although her head was still down too ashamed to show her face “Did you perhaps know that I’m the pupil of Princess Celestia?”

This information shocked Rarity, the pupil of Celestia herself right in the flesh his could lead to so many great opportunities for her buck what just happened all of the connections she could make would be well worth the pain. “Wait, you’re the Princesse's pupil, perhaps you could get me to meet her I know I could make her the perfect outfit I’ll just put what just happened aside I mean what are friends for?

A moment a silence passed, nothing could be heard except the sweet breeze entering from the window. Twilight lifted her head up but Rarity couldn’t tell what she was thinking. It looked to be a mixture or sadness pity and anger

Twilight lifted her head up to the ceiling her eyes glazed “Being the student of the Princess in Canterlot was a blessing but it also was a curse, the test I participated in for magic I won by a fluke a magical surge out of nowhere, I demonstrated immense magical power and the princess took interest in me.” I thought the other ponies in Canterlot would be happy for me but I was so wrong. After I became the princesses student ponies began to distance themselves away from me. Parents went up to Celestia herself saying the decision was unfair and the Princess ignored them. Eventually the situation reached a new low when a royal family decided to go after me. A royal family by the name of the Lulamoon tried to poison me using a potion they had illegally bought from the land of the Zebras it almost worked and I survived purely because Celestia found a cure just in time. Easy to say the princess didn’t take very kind to that and the Lulamoon family dissipated soon after that, some say they were banished others say their horns were cut off nobody knows what really happened.

Rarity was beginning to feel chills run down her spine at the thoughts of the kind princess of Equestria executing ponies. “Is there a point to this or are you trying to scare me?

Twilight shook her head to the side “What would be the point in trying to scare you? I did that once already. Anyway afterwards ponies stayed away from me afraid being around me would bring down Celestia's wrath on them. It took years for ponies to get near me again and when they did they asked to be my friends. I was overjoyed that ponies actually wanted to be friends with me, well at least I was until they showed their true colors. They didn’t want to be friends with me, they just wanted to be friends with benefits. There’s 4 friends in Canterlot who stick around me for which I have no idea why but I can’t get close enough to possibly be heartbroken again. There’s no such thing as friendship in Canterlot and that’s why I hate it so much, the closest thing I have to friends are books and Spike because I know they would never betray me.”

With that said Rarity could only stare at the broken mare in front of her.

“Is Canterlot really this bad I couldn’t possibly- wait these so called friends only wanted the benefits that came with being friends with Twilight just- like- me oh Celestia I’m no better than those rotten ponies am I?”

Twilight got out of the stool and trotted over to the door Spike following behind her although the cheery attitude he had coming in seemed to have vanished. Twilight opened the door but stopped moving momentarily. “Um Twilight? Rarity said gaining the confidence to move slightly towards her, is something else the matter?”

Twilight looked back at Rarity “Rarity I know you’re probably a nice pony which is why I’m telling you for your own good, stay away from Canterlot, you’ll find nothing but pain and sorrow there.”

And with that last remark the unicorn vanished in a flash a light along with her dragon leaving Rarity to think, alone.

Author's Note:

This is my first fanfic so of course I would love any criticism.

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Comments ( 21 )

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i_am_the_jam

i_am_the_jam #1 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

Get yourself an editor. Your grammar and punctuation are atrocious.

Misty Spell

Misty Spell #2 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

Wow, I don't know if it's towards Canterlot or Rarity but damn some serious rage boiled through on this one.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #3 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

7974161 Yeah thanks for pointing that out, Christ I don't remember it being that bad before.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #4 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

7974274 Eh the rage on this story was more directed to season 1 Rarity before she became a somewhat better character I love Canterlot because of all the story potential you have with it.

Misty Spell

Misty Spell #5 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

7974928 Eh, I like Rarity, even in season 1, but to each their own.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #6 · Feb 24th, 2017 · · ·

Okay I'm getting multiple dislikes on the story. If you dislike it could you explain why rather than simply downvote?

RainbowSparkle3

RainbowSparkle3 #7 · Feb 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

You were saying how my story was better than this, so I decided to check it out, and after reading, I must say, I have no idea what you're talking about, this story is probably 2x as good as mine, and I have no idea why 5 people disliked it. Maybe for the grammar, but I didn't find that a big problem. Anyways, that aside, let me just say:This was a great dark story, and I hope you keep up the great work!

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #8 · Feb 25th, 2017 · · ·

7978006 thank you thank you so much. It wasn't really intended to be so dark originally but it just worked

Crossbredorc

Crossbredorc #9 · Feb 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

You wanted a response as to why I down voted. I'm sorry but here it is.

This story bears a striking resemblance to tiny Twilight's issue with Rarity but this story handled it poorly. It's my belief that a story should not be made if the author has strong negative feelings about the issue. This story has multiple quotation mark problems. A character finishes speaking but then start again without any quotation marks signifying another start in speaking. When writing you should try to stick to only one persons thought process, yet we see both Rarity and Twilights thoughts multiple times. Your Rarity personality seems weird. She never had any problem with the Apple family, she had a problem with Applejack. She has been shown to deal with both Applebloom and Big Macintosh easily and without issue in cannon. In fact you apparently make Rarity have problems with the entire town all together even though in Sweet and Elite, she stated that she was born in Ponyville. She shouldn't have anything wrong with Ponyville because she has never had any issue with it in cannon before. Rarity never actually tried to use Twilight for any real connection. I feel like this all is somehow your misinterpretation of Rarity's character. In Season 1, she never complained about helping Applejack in episode 4 and she was the only one to realize that Rainbow Dash was having stage fright in Sonic Rainboom, even if she did let her overinflated ego get to her. But besides all that, your story has some issue with other parts. Twilight getting overly violent is something that has never really been done before in Cannon (but for some reason is overly exaggerated in Fan fiction) and feels out of place. Her ability to feel the leylines is something that is complete bologna, for multiple reasons. Never in cannon has she been able to just identify something like that so easily, unless she has studied it before that point. Twilight being on such a hair trigger just seems wrong. I guess it is just my perception.

I do apologize for the wall of text though. That does contain most of my reasons for down voting.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #10 · Feb 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

7978787 Thank you for explaining this honestly helps a lot let me address your points one by one.

1. First off the tiny twi experience with Rarity. I won't lie in saying I was slightly inspired by the fanfiction to make this. I loved this part of the story and wanted to make something a bit similar just with a darker tone.
2. The quotation marks I can't excuse that was just terrible editing on my part
3. Mentioning the entire apple family was a mistake and I should have just used applejack, that's true but this story is an alternate universe so I purposefully made Rarity a little bit more vain.
4. Leylines- I'm honestly split on this point. Is it non canon to the show? Yes but magic has never been greatly explained in the show making Twilight sense it was the ig mistake I just needed a way in this scene for Twilight to know Rarity was awake.

Really most of the issues here are true but they could easily be explained by it's an alternate universe. I think my largest problem with this story was not only the editing but the motivation. I had fun writing this but I made it overly dark so that it wouldn't feel like a copy and paste of that other story and I feel as if overdoing it was my big mistake. Also leaving a big wall of text doesn't matter to me, I'd like all the feedback I could get.

Crossbredorc

Crossbredorc #11 · Feb 25th, 2017 · · ·

7978819
Rarity is my favorite so I read a lot of fiction about her. Unfortunately this kind of thing is fairly common and usually isn't well done. That doesn't mean it can't be done right. It just tends to be fueled by anger more than anything. If you get over the anger than a story can be well written with pieces like this.

I am glad that you didn't take it too personally, cause I never mean to make anything personal. I still think that this could have been written better to convey that Twilight was just as wrong as Rarity. Maybe make the mention of the Princess happen before Twilight goes off the bar. That way Rarity can mention wanting to get to know the princess and then Twilight goes off the bar.

I do have a tendency to get a little defensive of Rarity as it seems she get the most hate out of the entire series, even garnering hate groups. A little of that might be my fault as well, a little bit of biased blinding me to stuff.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #12 · Feb 25th, 2017 · 1 · ·

7978847 Oh don't get me wrong I don't hate Rarity (much) This fic was more based on how she was portrayed in Seasons 1-2 before she became a good character (well before slice up your life) Don't worry I'm planning a story in the future that will have her portrayed a whole lot better. And also Rarity's one of the most hated? Really? I think starlight glimmer says otherwise.

Crossbredorc

Crossbredorc #13 · Feb 26th, 2017 · · ·

7978858

well.. that is true... But out of the main 6, she kind of either gets abused or just neglected. Of course there are a lot of people who do like her but there are also people who don't like her. Those people who don't like her, tend to be a lot more vocal about it than the people who like her. I have no problem with people who don't really like her, unless they just make art or write stories about how much they hate her. I feel like they just kind of ignore the other aspects of her character. What makes her my favorite is her diversity in personality. She can be motherly and caring, yet still come off as dramatic and energized. While she can also be vain and a little egotistical, she usually means well. A lot of fiction that just neglects to even mention any other part of her other than that shallow, vain personality. A quarter of those people also reject any advise about writing her character. It make me sad to see a character like her get so many fics where she is a shallow, vapid bitch.

Her and Rainbow Dash have hate groups here. Honest hate groups. I think their the only ones with it too, out of the main 6 at least. There are without a doubt more people who hate characters like Trixie, Starlight, Discord, and all the like, but it just feels wrong for a character that has had 6 seasons to be still hated so much. Maybe I'm just unlucky when looking for fan fiction and just end up finding the Rarity hate fics...

Anyway sorry for the long rant. I really didn't mean to go into that far.

Matthewl419

Matthewl419 #14 · Feb 27th, 2017 · · ·

I think that pretty much all your issues except the two below would be easily fixed it you got an editor. If you need help finding one, check out this group. If you just can't seem to get one there, then I will volunteer to be one for you.

Anyway, an opinion as you asked for in The Writer's Group:
-I like the concept, but not the execution. It seems a bit rushed in places where you could have done a better job with establishing what about the universe is different.
-Second and final, you don't do a good job of voicing Twilight's disgust of Canterlot ponies as she observes Rarity. What you have makes it seem more like she is compartmentalizing Rarity's behavior with the Canterlot-ians, by subconsciously comparing her to them. This just makes me think of her as one with an analytical brain, you know, like she does in the show.

Hope this helps at least a little, and if you need clarification on what I mean when I say something, don't hesitate to ask.

Jonah Smith

Jonah Smith #15 · Mar 18th, 2017 · · ·

7984355 I know this is rather late but how to editors work exactly? Are we supposed to email it to you and you email it back? Issues with google docs are preventing me from editing my new story correctly.

Matthewl419