RapidRoadkill
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Not bad. Can't wait for more.
Did you really have to add the forced vegatarian diet onto the humans? It is such a cop out thing to do. In canon it is ambiguous is they are such, and in real life horse can eat meat just fine.
The story is great! Please continue to make more of it.
If you ever need any help, let me know. This story is amazing and I want to see it go far.
Ligers aren't mythical animals. They are an actual hybrid animal between a male lion and a female tiger.
Just no. Another tropexample that needs to die. I know it is canon, but it disregard all of technology other sapient races of that world.
And you really are sticking with the forced pony diet, along with adding what could be a racist remark from Rarity, and conveniently forgetting that Flutters takes care of animals that also eat meat. In fact most of their pets are animals that have mostly carnivorous diets.
I am sorry, but I am going to stop reading. Seems like you are going to use a lot of the overused bad tropes. Rather stop now before you pull them randomly changing into ponies.
Keep going, it's your story. I like it. As always my offer for any help if you need it still stands. And kudos for remembering about the limited ammo. Can't wait to see what happens when they get to canterlot, im gonna get a good laugh out of the nobles reactions. Keep up the good work.
There's actually a Latin phrase that would work good with this story.
"Custode sol invictus"
"Keepers of the unconquered sun"
And one last thing, I think I know why you put the blacksmith shop in. And unfortunately, the guys won't be able to make more ammo. Even if they save the bullet casings, and have twi help them with the chemistry to make gunpowder, they would not have any primers to replace the used ones on each casing. (Primers being the thing that ignites the gunpowder) Now this could be worked around by using a duplication spell to give them more ammo, but it would kinda be like cheating. But with all this in mind, it is your story to write as you see fit. And it's still one of my favorites. Keep up the good work.
7926632 "Custode sol invictus" "Keepers of the unconquered sun" I love that.
Yes these tropes are used over and over. However, they are often used to avoid having to explain things later on in the story. It prevents some small details from interfering with the main point and subject of the story. In future chapters when I bring up meals I don't have to explain what was eaten unless it is relevant to the story line. Also, just because things start out with a vegan diet does not mean they will stay that way. I am simply writing a fun story on my spare time. (Hence the minor proofreading errors) This story was actually inspired by my daughters as we discussed the fight between Tirek and Twilight. I have a teen friendly version written several chapters beyond what I have posted here. It was originally written as a quick unfinished short story for their entertainment. Here I have decided to spice it up and write it out properly when I have the opportunity.
For your information the blacksmith shop has nothing to due with ammunition. Once that's gone its gone. I did take the easy way out however. I have never mentioned how many rounds were fired or that each of them still have. But, fear not, because unlimited ammo would defeat the purpose of the story later on. What kind of battle scenes do you have if the humans simply kill the leaders of the opposing army from a distance with deadly accuracy.
I always appreciate constructive criticism, and for that I thank you. Just wanted you to know I am not as well versed on the world of Equestria as many here are. That is the learning curve I am quickly overcoming. I am however very familiar with the mechanics of ammunition, weapons and combat strategies, having served as an Infantry soldier in the U.S. Army through multiple deployments in combat zones. Lets just say some aspects for this story have been translated from real life experiences. Which means I will ensure that the major battle scenes are epic. Thanks again for the comments and for following my story.
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So you basically did it for a cheap cop out. Already knew that. Still doesn't make it any better, or less aggravating. Which is exactly why I wouldn't be surprised if you changed them into ponies. So that you can easily have the romance be there without having to worry about it. Just hand waving it away.
Anyway, you forgot to press the reply button to who the second half is for.
7928675 the keepers of the sun was mine
7928675 and thank you for your service
7929000 Like the concept of unlimited ammo, turning them into ponies would again be counter productive to the story line. So yes there is human on pony love later on.
The story is amazing, keep it up.
This story just keeps getting better and better
Not to self, don't fuck with Luna.
The story is great and getting better, keep up the good work. I as always in here if ya need a hand.
I laughed a bit to much at applejack and rarities reactions. Keep up the good work.
More please! :-)
Going great so far, I'm actually interested to see how the love interests will play out.
Still one of my favorite books, keep it goin
Friggin starswirl. Always spreading his cheeks apart and dropping what he calls a pearl of wisdom. The flameboom idea sounds bad ass by the way. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Righteous story brony keep it up.
1st to comment!
Anyone else concerned that dash left tank alone for so lomg without food and water?
Also kickin chapter bro keep up the good work.
8046190 Yeah I get rollin on the story and I forget some of the smaller elements at times.
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Not to big of an issue, there are plenty of stories where spike isnt being fed so often.
Keep it up, it's only getting better
are luna and dashie gonna form a herd?
Can't wait to see the nobles reaction to this, keep it up. The story just got even better.
I smiled ear to ear when blueblood got his...atitude adjustment. Always love it when the pompous fucks get their comeuppance. Keep the story goin man!
tch. tch. tch. Bad Dash! XD more please!
keep going, this is gonna get real fun real fast
8046190 like your profile pic (hugs my little dashie)
8069219
needs to be 120% cooler, add some cider and shes ready to go.
Cool 1st to comment, likin the personal quest armour.
(I know Im late) Just letting you know, No one uses Sarge any more. I haven't heard it from active duty personnel since I've been in. We just shorten up the pronunciation into Sarnt. (pronounced Sar-int). Also NO ONE uses first names unless they're being an annoying ass. Or unless they knew you before enlistment but the odds of that are a million to one to be stationed together. Hell I've only ever seen ONE guy from back home get stationed at the same place as me but hes in a unit on the other side of post.
8074995 > Thanks for the comment and the read. Just a few points from me. When I was in "sarge" was still used. That was how I could tell the difference between old and new soldiers when they addressed me. Not every reader has a military background, so I am not writing solely for a military audience. If I wanted to do that I could get a lot more elaborate using acronyms, nomenclatures, phonetic alphabet etc. Which would just bring about a need for me to explain more the I really want to. (Why would a Staff Sargent be taking orders from a Sargent? In this story he does because he trusts the judgement of his friends.) As far as the first names , I did it for simplicity due to my memory problems. These are the first names of soldiers I served with and modeled the characters after. Also just an FYI, at my primary duty station there were five of us in the same battalion all from the same town. We all enlisted at different times and ended up together. At one point there were seven of us at an airport in German at the same time. (Both incoming and outgoing.) Granted three of them were JarHeads. But this is coming from a town with a population under 10000. I understand this doesn't happen a lot but it does happen. I am simply writing a fun story on my spare time because I enjoy writing it. I simply hope the people reading it enjoy it as much as I do. I have several "Military" based stories in the works as well. I could see about publishing them if your interested. Those stories are geared more towards a military audience where explanations wouldn't be needed. Albeit, most of them are science fiction.
P.S. I see you used the word POST and not Base so I am guessing you are either Army or Marines. I was 11M Army. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story for what it is, and are able to see past my "lazy" writing.
Thank you for your service. if you want to put those stories up, please do. this book is one of my all-time favorites, and it always will be. its very well written, and ill admit, it actually drove to to write my own story. so thank you, and please. Keep up the amazing work.
Few things. Whole story feels like it's freaking Concord. You need to find editor. And a few ponies are out of character, humans too. I mean, twilight, of all ponies, rushes help CMC without thinking and asking questions, AND using a spell that was going to main, if not outright kill, one of the humans. I'll add more things later.
There are some words missing.
I had fallen behind on getting this chapter up so it was kinda rushed. I will read through and make the corrections. Thank you for letting me know.
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K
Hope to see new Choppers this year ?
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You will. I apologies. I farm and ranch which has multiple busy seasons throughout the year. So I write a little here and there when I can. I want to get at least six new chapters up this year. Hopefully more.
Dude nice clop scene. Kinda wish derpy had accidentally sat on dustins head pushing his face deeper in to rainbow dash.
If you like that you'll love what I have planned for the next one.
Lyra, you are absolutely fucking weird. GTFO, bro.
I love how there’s literally no reaction whatsoever, as if the dudes where expecting that to happen.
is there a story with this setup but more neutral or at least chaotic neutral on the moral alignment, humans should have some chaos to them
its really convenient that they were able to get three humans that have dead, oh and no mention of the fact that they are going to turn into equines.
Anthony earth pony ?
Dustin pegasus
Andrian unicorn ?