The Kessho, a crystal so rare that only a handful have ever been known to exist in the Multiverse and Sweetie Belle just accidentally swallowed one of them in her excitement to show her sister Rarity the 6 colored crystal she found and her new friend. Now with the Summer Sun Celebration about to be hosted in Ponyville and her new friend in tow what could possiblely go wrong?
Yes, this story will be H.I.E., but not right away. Also Sweetie Belle will have super powers, but the one person with the same kind of powers and can teach her is a very very long ways away. As for her friend, let's just say I hope she comes with a warranty that covers tree sap.
Warning: The first two chapters are rough, but it will get better and eventually I will go back and fix them.
This is bad, and you should feel bad.
(maybe)
Just kidding!
First of all, there are so many typos I'm not even going to correct them. Get an editor.
How did it conversate, how did it just talk to Sweetie without thinking that?
And another thing, how are they speaking the same language?
These are really bad names. I mean, Doctor Nanobug, what?
There's no point to this.
This is really implausible. You can't bounce something on the edge of the universe.
There's no point to do this, again.
All in all, get an editor.
7962531 Normally I don't respond to criticism like this, but I am making a special exception for you.
1) When dealing with multiple universes the chances of certain languages popping up repeatedly is actually pretty good. English, German, Latin, Chinese, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, Egyptian, and Norse were wide spread or influential to the development of other languages, with modern English and German being the relative new kids on the block. Equestria Girls has established that Equestrian and English are basicly the same language with some words replacing others as needed. As for the pod speaking to her, the first words it hears from her is 'Oh no!' From there it's first sentence is actually a failed attempt to calm an animal more than an actual attempt at communication, but this is quickly rectified via continued back and forth that proves it was not a fluke of an animal's distress sounds being similar to actual words.
2) The Kessho bouncing off the inside of Equestria's Universe barrier is an in universe physics in the show from when Rainbow Dash bouncing off the sound barrier during a failed attempt to do a sonic rainboom. Basically the Kessho had been slowed down enough that it failed to breach the walls of the universe and just bounced due to that universe's laws of physics being a lot nicer than our universe would be towards catastrophic failures.
3) I am not going to spoil when some of the people from Haven Guard arrive in Equestria's universe in around 4 or 5 chapters, but Dr. Nanoborg will be there and no it is not her real name, it's just something a news outlet stuck on her for ratings. Yes, the name is bad and it's on purpose, the sensationalism of the news means sooner or later you end up with truly stupid marketing ideals being pinned on to things.
4) Some parts were added so I can have both Sweetie Belle and Sweetie Bot in the story and to play with how I think a sentient A.I. would deal with 'slapping things together at the last minute and hope for the best.' Hopefully this takes care of some of your complaints.
7962531
Geee. It's almost like we're exploring fantasy and different possibilities. I find your criticisms extremely nitpicky. While I can agree with the names, different universes have different conventions. Proof-readers are always a welcome thing, though.
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Sorry. I was feeling nitpicky and really irritated at the time.
All of those answers are things you wouldn't think of on first try, and you don't explain any of those either.
Sweetie Belle will be adorable in this story, right?
7992879 I'm not sure yet, I'm still feeling out how this one will go. Some times I write something that in my head will be cute, but on paper it doesn't work out that way. Plus I am working with elements from another unpublished story of mine that is non MLP: FIM so some parts are very wonky.
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I think spike should stay a dragon but gain a power from the Kessho. I think having him be a draconian would make him be a little more arrogant.
my thoughts on the other four who should get a power from the Kessho are. Applebloom (obviously) Spike, Twilight (because she would most likely try and find out how it works only for her to be wrapped up in it anyway), and Dinky (Because she needs some air time). As an optional pony Derpy (or Ditzy, if you prefer that name instead)
8016870 Funny, the unpublished story I'm raiding for some of this has dragons as the larger, primitive, arrogant jerk cousins of the smaller, more advanced draconians. Also his wingless bipedal form, sparks of creative thinking, and willingness to help others are part of what differentiate draconians from dragons, only the spark is more of a storm of ideals hardwired into their instincts for when they either grow old enough or actually need it.
As for who gets parts of the Kessho, well two of your guesses are a given, but no adults will be getting access to it. So Twilight is out and her trying to unlock it's secrets is a major no go since even after ascending to an Alicorn she is still to primitive to even to begin to understand it. She would have to ascend to Prasiolite and Yoshima's level to begin to understand it and most at that level have a healthy fear of that knowledge because of what happened the last time and the possibility that some of THEM might have survived and are still hungry.
8017123 ah.
I still say that twilight should still meet up with the entities of the kessho, if only for them to A. tell her to back off and not meddle in what she doesn't understand or B. give her access to some small part of their knowledge that makes her have a headache like she did when trying to figure out Pinkies 'Pinkie Sense' and not to bother them again until she can figure out what they showed her.
as for spike being draconian, it has its merits but I think that with Spike being baby dragon he would end up thinking that he wasn't wanted if he was one. and with him living with twilight he generally is twice as smart as your everyday princess stealing, lazy, greedy dragons that think ponies should be food, not friends.
8017176 Or C give her a brief glimpse of something that will scar her for life. But most likely it will be D one of the ones that has yet to be seen is left for her to talk with as the others all yell 'not me' and bail. The 6 of them are based off 6 different types of gods, can you guess what type this one is?
only know the kitsune one but not the others.
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I don't really recognize the thing about "Kessho"... With what serie is a crossover? Or is original?
why does that thing look like a ZPM about to crack a bitchin' hole in the fabric of the universe?