gypsyfox
Joined 29th Feb, 2016 ·
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Promising story, it'll be fun to see where this goes.
7889514 thank you
7889514 have to agree keeping an eye on this one myself
hoping that you continue the story
More chapters!!!!!!!!!! Plz..... Also you need an editor bad....
More chapters. Not an insult but if you don't already get a second opinion while your writing
wow. i love this! i don't care how many people dislike this story. i love it and hope you don't get writers block like i did. i hope to see more of this in the near future!
8032970 thank you
8035031 you're most welcome!
awww, yeah. badass fight scene!
... but then AJ knocked him out *sprays AJ with a hose* bad AJ
8050851 good guess
8051157
thanks!
Likes and dislikes balanced what madness is this!?... Jk lol
... SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
this is highly enjoyable. i look forward to reading more!
Damn, you really need to find an editor
hahahahahahahahaha! i love that ending. and god dammit. a kinda cliff hangar
Getting better and better, keep up the good work.
8059240 thanks dude
i will liek and follow this tho i do have many issues. mostly the length i knwo its hard but short chapters let little go on and mostly you skip over what is actually happening in the world the majority of this chapter can be summed up in he gets off train, beats up a stupid guard, gets a donought and breaks into the castle. seems pretty lackluster. although il admit i was hopeing for a cliffhanger like that. i liek the stories idea, and character. mainly i just recomend tryign to build up each chapter a bit more, have mroe thigns going on more interactions with various charicters ect. if you want some ideas on more stuff to add pm me id be hapy t obounce ideas off ya. hope you keep growing id love to see this grow better and better.
also pardon my probably horrendous grammar in this comment.
8059394 my problem isint background for the characters i just have a little trouble writing background
8059702 I meant dialog sorry
8059705
that's understandable it happens to alot of people. im just meerly trying to point it out so you know and can try to improve.
Before I read this, what is the Gore and Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
... more.... please... i beg of thee...
Hey, have you considered posting in some of the writer's workshop - type groups on the site? Or one of those "looking for editors" groups? It's great that you have a story to tell, but it's so rough and unpolished that it's hard to read. That may be a large portion of the source of your downvotes.
If this fails, try looking into grammarly. It's a plug in to help new writers with grammar. It's not perfect, but it'll be a start.
I posted this on another story, and I'll repeat it here. How can you expect your readers to care about your story if you don't care enough to put forth enough effort to make it shine?
That's what I call a savage
that is one way to become an uncle
10 out a 10
Love it!!
Love it so far can't wait to see the next chapter good job keep it up
Great story so far cant wait to see where it goes.
Love it, but you might need to get an editor, the mistakes are starting to make my eyes bleed...
10-10
I keep thinking that he backhanded him
He would chuck he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Too bad, I would like to see more of this. It also needs a proofreader to clean it up a bit
The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller
Update?