Promising story, it'll be fun to see where this goes.

7889514 thank you

7889514 have to agree keeping an eye on this one myself

hoping that you continue the story

Hey, have you considered posting in some of the writer's workshop - type groups on the site? Or one of those "looking for editors" groups? It's great that you have a story to tell, but it's so rough and unpolished that it's hard to read. That may be a large portion of the source of your downvotes.

If this fails, try looking into grammarly. It's a plug in to help new writers with grammar. It's not perfect, but it'll be a start.

I posted this on another story, and I'll repeat it here. How can you expect your readers to care about your story if you don't care enough to put forth enough effort to make it shine?